Painted Mask
by emalathe
Summary: AU. Having been abused as a child and fleeing to America, Shu returns to Japan years later. What happens when he meets a man who wants his trust? First attempt at writing, better than the summary I hope :
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation.**_

_**Warning: Language and mention of rape.**_

A chill settled in the air as dusk approached. The last of the family had already gone home over half an hour beforehand, leaving behind an almost unnatural silence. On a small patch of grass, a young boy, no older than six years old, stood with his hands folded to his chest. He stared longingly at the three flat markers on the ground. He carefully read the inscriptions again, having lost himself in the words many hours ago. Each marker held its' own, special name, lovingly carved into the stone. "Shindo Shinri", "Shindo Mira, and "Shindo Maiko".

From behind him, a middle-aged woman approached. She gently laid a hand on his shoulder as a means of comfort. Her heart ached as she watched the gentle boy, who was lost in thought. She could not even imagine what he was thinking at this point. What could such a young and innocent boy be feeling to know that his family was gone forever? Did he even realize? _Could_ he understand what it meant to die?

As if to respond to her unspoken question, the young boy turned his head in her direction. His soft amethyst eyes gazed into her dark brown ones. "Mitzu-san, when are they going to wake up?" he asked, cocking his head a little to the side.

Mitzu Akia had to avert her eyes foward to stifle a sob. After just a moment in order to compose herself in front of the angel, she replied softly, "Shuichi-kun...I'm afraid that they aren't going to wake up. T-They loved...love you so very much, but you can't s-see them anymore. They are...in a better place now."

The boy, Shuichi, looked off into the distance, eyes glazed, as if deep in thought. After thinking about what his new friend had said, he turned once more to look at the stones that lay flat on the grass. "Well, then I guess if they are in a better place, then they must be happy right? Then I will be happy for them too, but I wish I could see them again, or that I could have gone with them."

She did not respond to the question. Rather, she gently took his hand and began to lead him away towards her car. Being a child welfare worker, she has had a lot of hands-on experience with broken families and orphans, but that did not make it hurt any less in a situation like this. Each case was unique, and she could not help but feel sorrow for the boy left behind. He was lucky, actually. He had been in school when the accident happened, otherwise he would have shared the same fate. His future now, however, was filled with uncertainty. She knew she would now have to follow procedure and take him to the orphanage. She felt a pang of anger towards his remaining family. With how many people showed up to mourn their loss, no one was willing to take Shuichi in. No one wanted the responsibility to care for him. Now he would have to spend his time at the orphanage waiting, hoping, that someone would be willing to adopt or foster him.

As she helped him into her car, she could not help but wonder if someone would take him in. There were many children 'available' for adoption, but few ever were taken into a permanent home. His features alone would make it very difficult. With how rigid today's society was on appearances, one would see his soft pink locks, amethyst eyes, and petite features as a fault, one that an "upstanding" family would not permit themselves being related to.

Breaking from her train of thoughts, she gently shut the passenger door and walked around to the drivers side. Climbing into the seat and locking her door, she turned towards Shuichi, who met her gaze, and gave him an encouraging smile before pulling away from the cemetary.

* * *

The next few years went by very quickly for Shuichi. He made friends easily at the orphanage and in school. His open and happy personality made him very approachable and the light he gave with his smile lifted eaven the gloomiest of spirits. He became a favorite of the child care workers and teachers, and no one could understand why he had lived at the home for so long.

Just after his eight birthday, however, he had taken the interest of a middle-class family who lived in a quiet area of Kyoto. Hideki Nao managed a textile company to support his wife, Sadae, and fifteen-year-old son, Aki. They were quickly attracted to Shuichis unusual beauty and exuberance. Within six months, they had taken him into their home.

The next couple of years were blissfully uneventful for the enlarged family. Shuichi was an ideal child, trying his best to please everyone around him. He did well in school and made a lot of friends, although he chose not to become very close to anyone in particular. He idolized his elder brother, however. Having only had a younger sister, whom he had really only been with for two short years prior to the accident, he never had a role model. Aki, however, became incredibly jealous after Shu's arrival in 'his' home. He detested him for so quickly gaining his parents affections with such little effort. It did not take long for Aki to make it his personal goal to, one day, break the innocent boy.

* * *

Shuichi quickly slid his key into the lock and opened the door. It was already past nine o'clock at night and was getting to be very chilly outside. His parents were gone for the weekend on a second honeymoon, leaving his older brother and himself with the house all to themselves. Having spent the day with one of his good friends, who happened to be just as hyperactive as himself, he was feeling tired and looked foward to curling up on the sofa and watching his favorite anime on t.v. until he went to bed.

He closed and locked the front door and kicked off his shoes to rest neatly nearby. Walking to the livingroom, he slid his jacket off and tossed it to the side. It was then he noticed the television in room was already on and he saw two figures sitting on the couch. He recognized one immediately as his brother and a smile formed on his face. Although Aki was often cruel to him, both verbally and physically (although his parents knew about neither), he still looked up to him. Aki was seventeen, a grown man to ten-year-old Shuichi. Shu hoped that one day he would be as strong and mature as his beloved brother.

Turning his eyes to glance at the figure sitting on the opposite side of the couch, his stomach clenched. Katsuki was someone he _definately_ did not feel the least bit comfortable around. His eyes would always linger on Shuichi with an indiscernible emotion and a smirk. He was also much bigger than Shu and even more than Aki, although they were the same age. In other words, when Katsuki was around, Shu prefered not to be. With this thought, he decided to turn away from the room and head upstairs to his bedroom to watch television there instead.

"Hey Shuichi-kun," he heard a malicious voice speak up, stopping him in his tracks. Turning around, he found Katsuki looking at him from the sofa, staring at him with the usual appraising look. "Why don't you come and sit with us for a while?" His voice was somewhat fuzzy and slurred, but Shu did not understand why. Maybe he was tired?_ Yeah_, Shu thought to himself, _that's what he sounds like_.

When Shuichi did not make a move, Aki turned angrily and spat, "Didn't you hear him, you little punk? Get your fucking ass over here." _Hmm...he sounds kinda tired too_. But he did not dare hesitate when Aki ordered him. A part of him still wanted to try and gain his brother's affection, and did whatever he wanted hoping to please him. It was this thought that spurred Shuichi to round the corner of the couch and stand in front of the two older boys. He noticed various empty cans scattered on the floor, he recognized them as beer cans. He could smell the alcohol lingering in the air, and he couldn't help but feel a little nauseated by it. He couldn't understand why they would be drinking this stuff, if it smelled this bad, then it must taste much worse.

A movement from the couch caught his attention again, and he looked up. Katsuki had shifted to the side, allowing a small space in between himself and Aki. He patted the spot beside him. "Come on and sit down, you can watch t.v. with us." Shuichi complied, part of him excited to be invited to sit with them, something never done before, but another part was apprehensive, wondering why he was being so nice.

They sat watching t.v. for a half hour or so in silence. Shu noticed Katsuki and Aki sharing quick glances every few minutes while they continued to drink. Shuichi became more relaxed as his body begged him for sleep. As his eyes started to drift closed, he felt something warm on his thigh, just above his knee. Looking down, it was Katsuki's hand. He felt the hand give a rough squeeze, and his eyes shot up. Katsuki's eyes were somewhat glazed and he was smirking as his hand began traveling higher up on his thigh. Shuichi did not like this at all, and was about to speak up when he felt a hand clamp over his mouth from behind, pulling his head back onto Aki's lap. His heart began to race and he froze in fear, not understanding what was going on.

Aki looked down at him with a mixture of amusement and...something else. He smirked. "Don't worry, Shu-chan. We just want to play a game with you."

Shuichi tried to cry out when he felt Katsuki's hand nearing his most private area, brushing his groin before proceeding to unbutton his jeans. When his jeans were pulled down along with his boxers, Shu felt overwhelmingly embarrassed and terrified. Why did they want to do this, what were they going to do? Shu could not think straight as he struggled to remove himself from their hands, but his small, tired body was not strong enough.

* * *

The events that followed were the very things that spurred Shuichi's nightmares in the following years. After that first time, he tried to tell himself that they were just not themselves due to the alcohol they drank, but that hope was quickly shattered time and time again. Keeping silent due to threat of harm and, what he thought more frightening, the threat that Aki would tell their parents what a "dirty little boy" Shu was. Not wanting to shame his parents, Shu did not tell a single person about the nightmare he was living. Under the guise of wanting to "bond" with his little brother, Aki dragged him to Katsuki's apartment, where he lived with two of his closest friends. Much of the free time he had outside of the school was spent there, nightmares relived as Aki practically fed him to Katsuki and his roommates. He had noticed on a few occasions, before falling unconscious from the pain, Aki receiving money from said 'friends'. It was not until he was older that the realization was made that the money was, in fact, payment for him - payment to use him.

This life continued for Shuichi for many years. His parents never suspected any wrongdoing because Aki forbade his companions to bruise his face, although the rest of him was fair game as long as nothing was broken. Nao and Sadae were, in fact, delighted to know that the brothers were so close, and therefore gave Shuichi an open curfew and few chores, as long as he was with his brother.

School had not been any easier. Due to his pink hair, violet eyes and feminine figure, (which remained even after puberty), he was often picked on and teased by his classmates. When he started high school, he was quickly made an outcast by the 'popular' kids. However, Shu did not mind this fact. He did not want to make friends, and isolated himself from those friends he had in middle school. He did not want to be near anyone. Since he had been twelve, he began to avoid any physical contact - aside from what was forced upon him by his brother. All he knew was that when people touched him, they hurt him. He did not know it any other way. Whether it was from being raped or from being beat up by his classmates, that is all he knew.

Shuichi realized pretty early on not to show his 'weaker' emotions to others, Crying in front of his brother and his friends only made the beating worse, and he certainly did not cry in front of his classmates. Instead, he chose to hide inside himself. The only emotion he could bring himself to show was anger and indifference. He would lash out at anyone who even casually touched him, as if the contact caused him actual pain. To him, it _did_ cause him pain. Even if it was the psychological kind, he hurt all the same. Classmate quickly learned to keep their distance after he broke a couple boys' noses. He was easier on the girls, but even then one would still occasionally walk away with a bruise on her cheek. The only person who could be called a friend was a boy he met in his junior year, named Hiro. There was something about the tall, red-haired boy that was somewhat pleasant to him. He felt almost _calm_ in the time he was around him. They were able to talk about music, school, and (on Hiro's end) family. He even found himself letting a ghost of a smile on his lips on occasion, hoping Hiro did not notice (he did). Even with that said, he still shied away from contact. Although deep down inside he knew Hiro would never hurt him, the fear that he _could_ was much more forceful. Hiro often tried to get him to open up to him, but Shu refused, keeping his friend at arms-length. As much as a small part of him wanted to just jump up and hug his friend, his mind had already been conditioned.

On the outside he was hard, indifferent and emotionless, but on the inside was a different story. Fear still dominated his life. He still could not bring himself to stand up to Katsuki. His very presence would freeze the younger man, making it impossible to see past the terror he felt. He would cry out each and every time, even though only his mind heard it.

When Shuichi was seventeen, he finally caught a glimpse of hope. Aki and his parents were taking a trip to Europe. Shu did not go, telling his parents he did not want his grades to drop. Left alone, truly alone, for the first time, he did the first thing that came to his mind. He packed. Stuffing his few treasured possessions in a black duffle bag, he grabbed his passport and the money his parents had left him, and walked out of that house forever, leaving only a brief note saying goodbye. He caught a taxi to the airport and bought a one-way ticket to the U.S. Feeling elated for the first time in so many years, his mind drifted to his one and only friend. He would contact Hiro once he reached Los Angeles. He knew that he would need to explain his quick disappearance, and he felt that if he could tell anyone the truth, it would be him.

His mind made up, Shuichi boarded the plane, his _savior_, and decided that he would not look back.

TBC...

_**A.N. This is my first try at writing fanfiction. I am open to all comments and critisizm, but if you critisize, please leave your suggestions. Let me know if you want more. I do have a pretty good idea of how this story is going to go, but I am always open to opinion. Thanks! R & R.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Well, here's chapter two. I want to thank everyone who read, especially those who took their time to review. I appreciate the compliments and constructive opinions, which I tried to apply to this chapter. I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think...**_

Shuichi entered the dark apartment a little after six in the morning. Quietly closing the door behind him and laying his keys on the small table to his right, he proceeded to walk through the living room. Walking down the short hallway towards his bedroom, he passed the bathroom where he could hear the faint sounds of his roommate, Nicole, singing in the shower. He could not help letting a small chuckle leave his lips (who's around to hear him anyway?). He entered his bedroom, stripped down to his boxers, and lay on top of the covers, not having the energy to pull them out from under him.

Nicole, or Nikki, was the first and only person Shuichi befriended since he arrived in America. He was very fortunate, actually, that she had been at the airport that day, seeing her brother off to school in New York. It was when Shu's plane had landed that reality finally sank in for the teenager. Suddenly, he realized that he was a seventeen-year-old minor, he had no money, and barely understood a word of English. Yet there he was, in an overly-crowded airport in a foreign country...utterly lost. He managed to find his way outside with minimal trouble, seeing as how slender and petite he was. He made his way into the parking lot and succumbed to a panic attack. Although he did not understand what an anxiety attack was at the time, all he knew was that he was terrified. Silently crying, palms slick with sweat, and unable to control his shaking body, he fell against a large parked passenger bus. A million thoughts ran through his head, none of them coherent save for one. _What am I going to do?_

He remembered only bits and pieces of what followed. He did recall being approached by a tall, red-haired American who looked to be several years older than himself, her face filled with concern. When she reached out to gently touch his shoulder, he became hysterical and lashed out at her - screaming for her not to touch him. Moments afterwards, everything was blissfully dark.

Shuichi awoke several hours later, laying on a very comfortable couch. The lady he remembered from the airport sat across from him in an overstuffed recliner, reading from a book. He noticed the mixture of Japanese and English on the cover. He spotted his passport opened on the coffee table, revealing his nationality. His breath cough in his chest from fear of the realization that he had no idea where he was, who _she_ was, and why he had been taken here. The woman looked up at him with a passive and gentle expression, noticing that he had finally regained consciousness. She flipped quickly through her book, finding the page she was looking for. Catching his gaze again, she spoke. "Wajin?" Not quite able to find his voice, he simply gave a slight nod. Smiling brilliantly and referring to the pages often, she introduced herself, in battered Japanese, as Nicole Harrison.

That had been three long years ago. Feeling that he had no other choice at that point, he hesitantly accepted her offer for a place to stay as well as a job. Nicole and her uncle managed a large and profitable hardware store only a few blocks from the apartment. Being in need of a new stock-boy, Richard Harrison, or Uncle Rick as he was called, begrudgingly agreed to hire the foreign boy under Nikki's supervision. The job was physically exhausting, but it did not require interaction with customers, for which he was thankful. Being a fast learner, he was soon able to work the night shift without a supervisor and began working alone after store hours. What caused him a great deal of difficulty, however, was learning English. Not only did he need to learn the language to perform his job correctly, Nikki was determined to not be "the only one to sound like a complete moron". She happened to be a persistent and effective teacher, and he eventually learned, however rough, a vocabulary suitable enough to get by.

However grateful Shuichi was for Nikki's help, they had maintained only a tentative friendship caused, of course, by his compulsion to distance himself. He did feel more comfortable around her than he would have another guy, but he could not bring himself to completely relax. He _knew_ the moment he let his guard down, betrayal would _definitely_ come as a result of his foolishness. Because of this, he kept their conversations simple and he never confided in her, especially regarding his past in Japan. He would still feel an unsettling fear when she approached or sat near him while reading or watching television. Although he never revealed his uneasiness, she seemed to sense it regardless, and he could see the sadness in her eyes. Outwardly, he would brush her questions off under the guise of not understanding or he would simply leave the room. Although he maintained his apathetic facade, in his mind he felt like scum.

Shuichi glanced to his side table. The alarm clock that sat there glared a bright, angry red. 6:32am. Hearing the shower stop, he closed his eyes. He did not want to see her, felt that he could not say goodbye. This place, where he had spent the last three years of his life, will soon be left behind. He could not, for the life of him, figure out what had made him agree to go back to that place which held so many horrible memories. Hiro. He was the reason. Although his friend, who could probably take the position as his "best" friend, had been pleading him for two years to move back to Japan, he had alway outright refused. But last conversation they had...he sounded so sad over the phone.

_ "Even though you are halfway around the world, you are my best friend, Shu-kun. I just want to have my best friend back..."_

Those words, spoken so softly, struck a nerve. He had kept the promise he made with himself when he caught that first airplane. When he became settled in his new home, he told Hiro everything, and managed it with surprisingly few tears. He immediately prepared himself for the worst. He just _knew_ that Hiro would be repulsed by him, disgusted with the notion that he had been so friendly with someone so dirty, so _tainted_. To his surprise, Hiro **had** become furious, but not at his friend. Instead, his rage was directed towards Shu's so-called family, and especially Aki. Shuichi did not understand why Hiro would forgive him for his actions, he knew that he did not deserve sympathy - he deserved to be lashed out on, to receive scorn. What he felt he did not deserve, Hiro gave regardless, even the promise that he would **never** tell anyone else about his past. For the first time in too many years to remember, Shu found himself believing in someone.

So when Hiro called last week with his plea, Shuichi found that he could not brush him off like so many other times. He knew Hiro had disobeyed his parents' wishes for him to go to school to become a doctor or a lawyer, and instead continued to drive towards a music career. The music business had not been kind to the struggling guitarist, and he found that even after two years of hard work, he still could not land a permanent position in a band. Instead, he worked as a fill-in for groups whose player was out due to illness or other problems. Shuichi had always felt that his friend was an incredibly talented musician and deserved the best. After shyly voicing this opinion, Hiro confessed his desire to form his own band. He even has a willing synth player, all he needed was a singer. Although it was true that Shu made a hobby of writing lyrics in his free time, he did not feel that he had a voice worth using. After several hours of heartfelt pleading on Hiro's part, Shuichi reluctantly agreed to give it a shot, informing Hiro that he was making absolutely no promises. Not giving his friend even a moment to recant his acceptance, he quickly informed Shu that he would reserve a plane ticket for him to pick up at the airport in six days, covering the expense himself. He also offered to have his boss provide living arrangements until he got situated.

A light tap sounded at his door and opened a moment later, allowing bright light to pour into his room. He placed an arm across his face, covering his eyes. He did not make a sound to acknowlege the visitor, and she did not need one. Nicole cleared her throat quietly, trying to mask the dejection in her voice. "When is your plane scheduled to leave?"

"Eight o'clock," he replied impassively.

She nodded to herself. "I guess...I hope that you...have a nice flight." She sniffed softly, hoping he would not hear it. He did. "You can...keep your key. You can visit anytime." She paused a moment, almost as if waiting for a response, although she knew she would not get one. "I have to go to work, if I'm late again Uncle Rick will kill me. I won't be here when you leave, so...you know how I hate goodbye's."

A moment later he heard his door close gently. There was movement in the living room, then a few minutes later, nothing. It was only then, to the emptiness of his own small room, where only the shadows that lingered were witness, he whispered a hushed reply.

_ "Goodbye."_

* * *

Hiro opened the door to the office and entered quietly. He noted that the room, as usual, was immaculate. The dominating feature of the space was the wall-to-wall window that overlooked the Tokyo skyline. Bright, mid-morning sunlight poured in unobstructed, casting a glow on the large mahogany desk. Behind said piece of furniture, in a plush leather chair, sat perhaps the most influential man in the music industry. One would not know by looking at him the authority he commanded in everything he did. He was a rather small man with soft, almost feminine qualities, topped with thick platinum blond hair. It was his eyes that contradicted his physical frailty. Those intense, aqua-toned orbs were what betrayed the fake, habitual smile that often graced his face. When caught in his stare, one would quickly realize that Seguchi Tohma was one man you wanted to be in good graces with. What he wanted, he got. He was cunning and meticulous in his affairs, and was fiercely loyal to the best interest of both his family and his employees.

"Nakano-san," Tohma gestured towards an opposing chair. Hiro took the invitation and slid into the seat facing his boss. He sat there for several minutes waiting for the elder to speak first. It was not that he felt uncomfortable around the older man, he simply knew that anything he said would be heavily weighed and chose to only answer what was directly asked of him. After being employed at NG as a studio musician for two years, he knew that the favor he was asking of Tohma was abnormal in the least, but he had every faith in his friend that it was a good move, both for said friend as well as for the company. This is the very thing he had been looking forward to since he started playing for the record label. Despite what he had told his friend, he had turned down many offers to join up-and-coming bands. Although he felt extremely guilty for lying to his friend, there was only one person he wished to play alongside...

Tohma sighed audibly and reclined slightly in his chair, intertwining his fingers to lay across his chest. "We both know why I called you here, and I have considered your requisition. You do realize, Nakano-san, that there are usually procedures and channels one normally has to follow in order to gain a position here. One does not simply 'show up' one day to meet with a prepared contract. I would be going out of my way and putting my faith in your better judgment, rather than mine, should I grant your request." He met Hiro's gaze from across the desk and locked it. "Are you so very confident in your friend's talent, even if it meant your own future here with NG?"

Hiro did not blink an eye at the lightly-veiled threat contained in that question. Rather, he hardened his resolve and stared back with determination. Without a moments' hesitation, he answered, "Yes I do."

Apparently pleased with his response, Tohma shifted forward to sift through a pile of various papers on his desk. "Tell me, when is your friend due to arrive?"

"His flight leaves from California tonight, he should be settled by tomorrow morning."

"I see," Tohma sighed. "In that case, I would like to meet with him tomorrow afternoon. Say around four o'clock."

"That shouldn't be a problem. I'll make sure he's here on time." Hiro could not help the trace of excitement that graced his features.

Tohma let a genuine smile grace his lips for a moment. He knew very well what a great asset Hiro could be with the right partners. He also knew that the young man had been holding out over the past two years, playing with other bands simply as a means of keeping his employment at the studio. _I do hope this Shindo-san is all he is considered to be_, he thought. "Well, I am sure that Sugura-san would like to hear the news. Make sure he is aware of tomorrow's meeting, as well as K-san. I would like all of you present, seeing as how you will be working together. That is all," Tohma dismissed.

Standing up and giving a polite bow, Hiro made his way out the office and down the hall to enter the elevator. A large smile formed on his lips. He did not know why, after two years, he had finally been able to talk Shuichi into returning home, but he was not going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. He knew his friend used to spend hours in school writing lyrics in his notebook. In retrospect, after learning what Shu had kept quiet, Hiro realized it was probably his only way to express his pain without drawing attention to himself. He even managed to hear a little of Shu's singing when he thought he had been alone before class. Even at such a young age, his voice was remarkable. Hiro did not tell him this, of course, afraid that he would scare him and therefore prompt him into giving up his only outlet.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he took a celluar phone from his pocket and dialed a number. The phone picked up after two rings.

"Moshi moshi."

"Sugura-kun, it's Hiro. I've got great news..."

* * *

_...with a shove, he fell back against the already-soiled bedding. The large figure looming over him was faceless...they alway were to his subconscious. He preferred it that way, actually. He would rather not have to remember those hungry, demonic orbs or the twisted smiles...He could hear the voice, but the words by that time were lost to him...pain is all he knew. Firey pain lacing from every inch of his body...when would it stop? A slap to the face, and the man was inside him now, ripping him apart. Thrusting deeply, over and over again, spit and blood the only lubrication. Animalistic grunts and moans filled his ears, and he fought to remain motionless, noiseless. He did not dare cry out, dared not beg. He knew the man would not last long. He often heard it commented about how tight he was...'like a virgin every time'. After a few minutes, and a shuddering release, the man pulled out and let him fall. All was quiet when he curled up underneath the crumpled sheets. There would be another one...there always was. The torment was never-ending. He knew that pain was exactly what he deserved. He was soiled, tainted, vile...dirty..._

**Attention all passengers: we will be arriving at Narita International Airport in approximately ten minutes. Please return to your seats, secure all carry-on luggage, and fasten your safety belts. Thank you for flying with Intercontinental Airlines.**

The announcement sang through Shuichi's ears and woke him from his nightmare. Breathing a sigh of relief, he stretched his muscles and closed the notebook that lay forgotten on his lap. He remembered working on some song ideas just before he dozed off. Although it had been a long flight, his anxiety kept him awake and on edge for the first twenty or so hours. He was thankful, once again, that Hiro had reserved a first-class ticket for him, he probably would have canceled the trip if he had to sit so close to his neighbor. Stretching his slim legs he, packed his notebook into the duffel-bag at his feet and stuffed the bag in the overhead compartment. Sitting back down, he glanced out the window and received a breathtaking site of the Tokyo skyline. _At least it's better than Kyoto_, he thought. He was undoubtedly relieved to find that he did not have to go back to his old hometown and instead would be staying in a small apartment in downtown Tokyo, only three blocks from NG studios. A small wave of guilt surfaced when he remembered that he had not even left a note for his parents when he ran off. He had no idea what they must have thought. _They were probably relieved, knowing they would not have to care for such a useless boy anymore,_ he thought.

The plane landed and began to discharge it's passengers roughly twenty minutes later. Shuichi waited until the other passengers were cleared before exiting himself. Making his way to the main gate, he bypassed the luggage claim, having only brought enough clothing and belongings to fill his single duffel-bag. He absolutely hated airports. There was barely enough room to breathe, much less make your way from place to place without running into anybody. Shuichi was, however, adept in avoiding people when he walked. He maneuvered towards the outermost walkways and made his way to the street unscathed. He hailed a cab and gave the driver the address to the apartment Hiro had given him.

The drive took about an hour in all and was not unpleasant, seeing as the driver was uncharacteristically quiet. Given the time to think, one thought dominated his mind. _What the hell was I thinking?_ He was not sure of the answer, but he did know that, on some deep-down level, Hiro was important to him. Shuichi, for some reason, felt the need to stop disappointing his friend. _Friend_. The word seemed almost foreign to him. He was not sure why Hiro had stuck with him through all of the pessimism, self-hatred, anger and denial he exuded. Hiro did not seem repulsed by him, or threatened by him when he became hostile. No, he did not deserve such a friend.

Because of this, not only had he agreed to return to Japan, he had also agreed to put his pride on the line and attempt to be a singer for Hiro and some friend of his. The thought was incredulous. _Him_, a _singer_. Okay, so he never actually had an audience before, so he did not know how his voice would sound to others. Hell, he hasn't even sang to himself in many years. What he _did_ know was that he found solace in writing his lyrics, and that alone may ensure employment at NG. If his voice were to fail, perhaps he could stay as a hired lyricist.

He occasionally found himself having to fight off the incessant voice that told him that this was in some way a trick, a joke...some way of hurting him. Although he felt that he did not deserve Hiro's company, he knew that Hiro warranted some degree of trust for tolerating him.

Arriving at his destination, Shuichi paid and tipped the driver and walked towards the modest brick building. Making his way up the front stairs, he was met with a uniformed doorman. Introducing himself as Shindo Shuichi, the doorman handed him the key to his apartment as he was ordered by Nakano-san. The man instructed him to the fourth floor, and told him where to locate the elevators. Following his directions, he found his apartment easily and entered. The apartment was not very large, but felt secure. Looking around, he found it was furnished with an overstuffed beige love seat and chair. There was a small coffee table in between the furniture facing a large television. The kitchen, he noticed, was already stocked with food, sparing him the need to shop immediately. To the side of the living room were two separate doors, most likely the bedroom and bathroom, which were similarly prepared with the essentials.

Tossing his bag on top of the bed, he retreated once again to the living room. He noticed that on the counter which seperated the kitched from the living room, there was a phone and answering machine. The light on the machine blinked, indicating that he had a message. Sauntering over, he pressed the button and listened to Hiro's overly-excited voice.

_"Okaerinasai, Shuichi-kun! I hope your trip wasn't too horrible. Did you slept well during the flight? I hope you did because Seguchi-san is expecting all of us to meet today at four o'clock to discuss everything. Get yourself ready and I will call you around three - three-fifteen. Let me know if you want a ride, but I know how you feel about riding on my motorcycle,_" Hiro chuckled. There was a short pause, then he continued in a more serious tone. "_I really am glad you came back, Shu. I swear I will do everything I can to protect you this time around. Don't worry about anything. Talk to you later_."

The message beeped and went quiet. Shuichi glanced at the clock on the far wall. 9:12am. He decided to take a short nap before grabbing something to eat and showering. Walking towards the only window in the room, he let the warm sunlight caress is face. Closing his eyes, he fought down the burning bile that threatened to creep upwards from his stomach. Closing his eyes, he let out a slow breath and counted backwards from twenty. Ever since his talk with Hiro a week ago, the frequency of his nightmares and anxiety attacks have dramatically increased. He knew it had to do with the realization that he was going to be coming back to the very place that caused him so many bad memories. _I can always leave...if things get too bad_, he told himself. _Just like last time_. Opening his eyes, he turned away from the window and sank into the love seat. Laying down, he threw his arm over his face to shield his eyes from the sun's brightness and sighed once again.

_What the hell was I thinking?_

* * *

(1) Wajin - Japanese

(2) Okaerinasai - Welcome Home

_A.N. With this chapter, I have pretty much summed up the events leading to the present. The following chapters will be set in the present tense, besides flashbacks and memories, of course. Once again, this is my first fanfiction and I appreciate any comments or constructive critisizm that would help me improve my writing or simply encourage me to continue. So Read and Review please!_


	3. Chapter 3

_I wanted to thank everyone who read and reviewed my last two chapters. In this one, I would like to comment that some of the characters may be OOC, especially Eiri's behavior towards Shuichi. I do love the plot of "Eiri-chases-Shuichi" rather than it always being the other way around. I also think that it is important for this particularly story. Well, enough said, I hope you enjoy._

* * *

Eiri leaned back in his chair, wincing when he heard a muscles in his back pop as he stretched. Scanning the screen of his laptop quickly, he saved his work and shut the computer with a click. He reached for the pack of cigarettes on his desk, lit one with the lighter next to them, and inhaled deeply. Feeling his body finally relax after eighteen hours of non-stop work, he decided to quit for the day.

Standing up and making his way out of his study, he heard the annoying sound of the phone...again. He knew that there were very few people who had his home number, and out of those few, only two had the audacity to call him seven times in the past hour. So when the answering machine clicked on, he was not surprised to hear the sickly-sweet voice of his _beloved _(a.n. sarcastic :-P) brother-in-law, Seguchi Tohma.

_"Eiri-san. I would really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to come to the studio today, since I know you have little intention of calling me back. Mika and I have been concerned with how reclusive you have become lately...well, more than usual, anyway. It is not healthy for you to stay cooped up in that lonely apartment of yours. Of course, if you don't stop by today, I may as well come over afte-"_

Eiri quickly cut off Tohma's monologue before the threat was even finished. There was not way in hell he was going to play host today. "Don't you even fucking _think _about showing up here today, I have work to do," he seethed into the phone.

"Eiri-san, I am so delighted to hear that you are alive," Tohma said with amusement. Eiri simply growled. "I would like so much to catch up with you. But like I was saying earlier, I am sure Mika would appreciate coming with me to pay you a visit tonight. You know how much we all worry about you. Of course, were I to see you this evening, I may be able to vouch for your well-being..."

Eiri frowned, weighing his options. Option one - go to the studio to see his meddling brother-in-law, where he could easily turn tail and leave anytime he wanted, or option two - be bombarded by said person as well as an overbearing sister later tonight when his mood will most certainly be grim. He decided on the lesser of two evils. "What time?"

Already anticipating Eiri's answer, he answered in a smug fashion. "Well, I _do _have a meeting with some fresh talent in about half an hour, so how about five o'clock? Perhaps we could have some dinner."

Eiri groaned, hanging up the phone. He glance around the large, sparsely furnished condo he called home. He did could not understand why everyone had to have a mother-hen complex when it came to him. He was perfectly fine and preferred things the way the they were. He did not need a babysitter. He ran a hand through his dirty-blond hair and sighed, realizing it needed cut. Glancing at his watch, he swore under his breath. It was already 3:40pm and he needed a shower if he was going out.

He grabbed a clean towel on his way to the bathroom. Once inside, he stripped down and let the too-hot water wash over his sore muscles. Maybe a distraction would do him some good. After-all, he had been doing nothing other than sitting in front of his laptop for most of the past day, fighting his way through his newest novel. Ideas were not coming easy to him this time around, and he felt increasingly frustrated.

Rinsing the shampoo from his hair, he heard the front door slam shut and a loud voice reached his ears.

"Aniiikiii!"

"Damn," he muttered.. Stepping out of the shower, he half-heartedly dried himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist and walking into the living room. There he met with his younger, darker look-a-like, who grinned from ear to ear. "What the hell do you want now, Tatsuha?"

"Awww, aniki, why do you have to be so mean? Can't I visit my favorite brother once and a while?" He gave Eiri an expression not unlike a kicked puppy and pouted.

Instead of responding, Eiri turned and walked into his bedroom, slamming the door in Tatsuha's face. Slipping the towel off onto the floor, he dressed in loose-fitting black slacks and a maroon button-up silk shirt (his favorite). Running his fingers through his damp hair as a means of unknotting it, he returned to the living room to find his perverted brother drooling over a Nittle Grasper video that was being played on the television. He made his way into the kitchen and retrieved a can of beer from the fridge before returning to the living room. He sat on the couch behind Tatsuya (who was sitting on the floor not even two feet from the television) and quickly chugged half the contents of the can. He closed his eyes and listened to the voice that filled the room. Even though he would never admit it to any living person, music had a way to calm the writer's nerves, especially after such a long night. He finished off his beer and looked at his watch. It was already 4:28 and he decided to head to NG.

Standing up, he made his way to the front door, stopping momentarily in the kitchen to toss his empty can in the garbage. He slipped on his black shoes and grabbed his wallet, keys and cell phone from the corner table. Hearing the noise, Tatsuha, immediately shut off the television (of course Nittle Grasper's video was over) and followed his brother. "You're going out? Where to?" he asked curiously.

"NG, to see Tohma," Eiri answered bitterly.

Tatsuha chuckled lightly. "Threatened you with Mika, huh?" Eiri glared at him, making him giggle louder. "Okay, but I'm coming with you."

"The hell you are," he snorted.

"Awww, come on aniki, I want to go to NG too," he whined. "If I'm lucky, I may be able to see Sakuma-san. We will meet, and then he will fall hopelessly in love with me, then we can run away tog..."

Eiri had already tuned out his brother's senseless rambling with thoughts of his own. Perhaps having a rampaging, maniacal fan-boy loose in NG would distract Tohma enough to let him get out of their 'dinner date' unscathed. Smirking at his own ingenious idea, he turned to Tatsuha. "Let's go then."

Tatsuha was elated and managed to calm himself before his grumpy brother decided to change his mind about letting him tag along. With thoughts of chibi Ryuichi-chan's dancing in his head, he followed his brother outside to his car.

* * *

The streets were thankfully uncongested as Shuichi made his way to NG studios, which happened to be only three blocks from his apartment. He was still exhausted from having gotten so little sleep in the past twenty-four hours. He had dozed off shortly after listening to Hiro's message and had lost track of time. Luckily for him, Hiro anticipated this and kept his promise to call him an hour before their meeting. He managed a quick shower and dressed casually in form-fitting black jeans, a gray tank top covered in a loose long-sleeved black button-down shirt, the buttons left undone. To finish off the outfit, he wore his favorite black-and-white converse all-stars. He did not bother to style his hair much more than running his fingers through the thick pink locks, which fell in choppy layers framing his face.

Looking up, he realized that he had reached his destination. The building was enormous! Of course he knew it would be large, but not to this extent. He briefly debated how many bands this particular label has assigned, seeing as how it is the most sought-after label in Japan. He glanced at his watch, which read 3:52. A little surprised that he had made it on time, he walked through the wide automatic glass doors leading to the lobby. He did not notice the man across the street who watched his every move.

XXX

He sat unnoticed at the table outside of the cafe. He could tear his eyes away from the pink-haired boy across the street. His boy. He watched as the young man stopped in front of the large building, NG records. _Why would he be going into a music studio? _He broke his train of thought when the boy disappeared through the glass doors. Slowly, he grabbed his cell phone, which was sitting on the table next to his coffee, and dialed a familiar number. After a few rings, the phone clicked as it was answered. Without waiting for a greeting, the man spoke in hushed tones.

"Katsu-kun, you're never gonna believe who I just saw..."

XXX

The lobby was very spacious and airy. Off to the left there were numerous couches, lounge chairs and tables situated randomly as well as several large televisions. There were a handful of people scattered here and there, talking, laughing, or just listening quietly to the conversations._ I can remember a time when I laughed like that_, he thought, but quickly dismissed it. To his right there was a long reception desk, where an attractive brunette sat looking at him curiously. Walking sedately to the desk, he asked the woman where he could find Seguchi Tohma's office. She blushed and managed to point out the elevators and told him which floor he should go to. Nodding in thanks he followed her directions he reached the elevator, entered, and pressed the button for the floor he was told.

He reached his floor and walked out of the elevator to find that Hiro was waiting for him in front of the secretary's desk. When Hiro looked up and saw his friend for the first time in three years, his mouth went slack. The last few years were _definitely _good to him, physically at least. Although still shorter than himself, Shuichi had grown a couple inches, his once bright pink hair had softened to a rosey shade, and his clothes did little to hide his slim, but toned body. _Beautiful_, Hiro thought as Shuichi approached him. What was concerning, however, were his eyes. Those unusual violet orbs were...distant. He was crestfallen to think that after all this time, his friend still locked himself away. He was hoping for a little emotion, maybe even excitement, but all he saw was heavily-veiled trepidation.

Shuichi watched the emotions play across Hiro's face, but he did not let his guilt show. Once face to face, he offered a meek, "Oi, Hiro-kun".

"I really missed you, Shuichi." Hiro stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, distressed by the pronounced shudder the simple act of familiarity caused. Although Shuichi's body remained rigid, he did not push his friend away, and he was grateful that Hiro kept his embrace loose. After a few seconds, Hiro's spirit sank with the knowledge that Shu was becoming more tense the longer he was held, and he pulled away. Hiro gestured towards the large floor to ceiling oak doors behind him. "Everyone else is here already. You ready?"

Shuichi closed his eyes and took slow, deep breathes and tried to fight back the mental distress from being handled by someone, begging his heart to return to a normal pace. He opened his eyes and catching Hiro's, filled with concern, he nodded.

Hiro turned around and opened one of the large doors and walked inside. Shuichi followed behind him, and upon entering the room, he surveyed the people inside. Sitting on a plush couch at the far wall sat a foreigner with long blond hair tied back. He wore a white button-down shirt with a loosened gray tie, a pair of khaki's and, to Shuichi's surprise, a gun holster containing a rather large magnum. The gaijin smiled warmly at him and gave a short nod. In the last of three chairs in the middle of the room sat a small boy, looking to be no older than seventeen, with dark black/green hair and charcoal eyes. His expression was one of annoyance, and he only made brief eye contact with Shu before reverting his gaze to the remaining occupant, who sat behind a large mahogany desk. Shu concluded immediately that this man had to be Seguchi Tohma. He did not get a definitive impression of this man. Although physically unthreatening, his soft features were betrayed by his plastered smile and challenging eyes.

Hiro motioned for him to take one of the two empty chairs in front of the desk. Tohma kept his eyes on him as he sat down, studying him before speaking. "Shindo-san, I am pleased to finally meet you. I am, of course, Seguchi Tohma, president of this company. Nakano-san spoke very highly of you indeed," he smiled.

Shuichi, keeping his cool exterior, scoffed at the comment. "You shouldn't believe everything someone tells you."

Hiro turned to him with a warning look, but Tohma appeared amused. "Well, why don't you fill us in then." He reclined in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. "Nakano-san tells me you are a clever lyricist, as well as a talented singer."

"I'm not a singer. I only told Hiro that I would give it a try. I can make no promises."

An exasperated gasp sounded from the small man in the last seat as he stood up angrily. "You mean to tell me that you found us a singer who _can't sing_?! What the hell are we doing here wasting our time? I, for one, am in no mood to put up with amateurs like him. Lyricist too?! He probably couldn't write a song to save his life. I-"

"Listen, you little punk," Shuichi interrupted, standing up angrily to face the slightly shorter man. "I never said that I can't sing, I just pointed out the fact that I am not a _singer_. I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but if you insult my lyrics before you even _heard _them, I will knock you the hell out. Now take yourself off that little pedestal that you've made for yourself and sit the fuck down!"

The silence that filled the room was suffocating for several tense moments. Breaking eye contact, the younger man resigned to his seat without a word. Relieved to have that matter cleared up, Shuichi also sat back down quietly. He thought that, while being in America, he had gotten a handle on his erratic bouts of anger, and he felt extremely disappointed in himself that he could revert so easily. Once triggered, it boiled up inside himself so quickly, he could not prevent himself from acting. But_ no one _insulted his lyrics, especially considering how personal they were, without hearing them first. Dismissing his thoughts, he cleared his face of any obvious contempt and looked up at Seguchi-san, who appeared intrigued.

Sitting forward with a smile, Tohma began once again. "I assume introductions are in order then." He gestured a hand towards the blond in the corner. "This is K-san. He will be your manager, should your partnership work out." K-san smiled broadly and waved. Tohma indicated the young man in front of him, sitting beside Hiro. "This is Fujisaki Sugura, and he will be your synth player. He may look young, but do not doubt his abilities with a keyboard." Sugura did not even make a motion to look at Shuichi as he was introduced, not that Shuichi minded. Although...he did kind of resemble Tohma a little. "And, of course, you are acquainted with Nakano-san." Hiro gave Shuichi an encouraging smile, hoping to put his friend at ease. Shuichi simply looked away from him.

Shuichi forced himself to keep his breath steady. _Are...all of these people counting on me...can't they see that I am useless...What if I can't do this...what if I..._

K-san cleared his throat from the across the room, looking pointedly at Tohma, who nodded in response. Standing up and gesturing for the others to do the same, Tohma spoke. "Now that we are all familiar with one another, and before we get ahead of ourselves with the matters of contracts and the like, I think that a demonstration is in order. I am sure that we are all looking forward to seeing how Shindo-san can benefit this group. Follow me."

The group of musicians, along with K-san, followed Tohma to the elevators and down to the fifth floor. They came to an empty room halfway down the hall and entered. Shuichi, who had never stepped inside a music studio before, was surprised by how simple it seemed. Walking in the door, there was a smaller room to the right with a glass wall, he determined to be the sound-proof recording room. Behind the glass he noted that there was a microphone on a stand with headphones hanging on the side, a synthesizer was placed along the far wall, and a guitar rested on it's stand behind the microphone. A chair sat in a corner of the room. Outside the room along the glass was was a long table holding an assortment of electronic devices that Shuichi could not even begin to name, nor could he do much more than assume what they were for. The rest of the room was bare save for a long couch along the left wall, surrounded by a few comfortable-looking chairs. All in all, it was not a very unappealing place to work, he decided.

Tohma turned and looked at Shuichi pointedly. "Well now, Shindo-san. Why don't you sing for us - to test the waters, shall we say. Nothing too complicated, I would like to evaluate your voice."

Shuichi glanced into the soundproof room. "Do you mind if I use the guitar, or would you like a cappella?"

"Whichever you prefer is fine," Tohma stated, taking a seat facing the room.

As he walked towards the room, Hiro gave him a comforting smile and took a seat himself beside Sugura, who seemed to find the floor very interesting. K-san merely leaned against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, smiling (of course).

Closing the door behind him, he took the chair from the corner and set it in the middle of the room. He took the guitar from it's stand, sat down, and adjusted the mic-stand. He did not put on the headphones, preferring to hear his own voice. He closed his eyes and took a breath. He had never sung his songs to anyone before, and he did not know how they would respond.

Pushing his doubts aside, he pulled the guitar strap around his shoulder and settled the instrument his lap. He began to play, the melody soft and deep. Leaning forward slightly, he began to sing.

_**I'm feeling crossed, I take it inside**_

_**Burn up the pain, my thoughts are strange**_

Strumming a few more cords, Shuichi closed his eyes and allowed his voice to flow stronger, finding comfort in the words.

_**Just like the things I used to love**_

_**Just like the tree that fell, I heard it**_

_**If art is still inside, I feel it**_

_**Outside the room, everyone listened intently. Hiro smiled.**_

_**I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside**_

_**I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive**_

Audience forgotten, Shuichi relaxed completely, voice becoming more confident. Electricity ran through his fingertips, stimulating them to continue.

_**Take all these strings they call my veins**_

_**Wrap them around every fucking thing**_

_**Presence of people not for me**_

_**Well, I must remain in tune forever**_

_**My love is music, I will marry melody**_

Captivated by the music, nobody noticed the tall figure entering the room quiety He stood still becoming entranced by the flow of words.

_**I wanna bleed, show the world all that I have inside**_

_**I wanna scream, let the blood flow that keeps me alive**_

_**I wanna scream, I wanna bleed**_

_**Won't you let me take you for a ride**_

_**You can stop the world, try to change my mind**_

_**Won't you let me show you how it feels?**_

_**You can stop the world**_

_**But you won't change me**_

_**I need music**_

_**To set me free**_

_**To let me bleed**_

The guitar continued for a few more moments until fading away. Eyes still closed, Shuichi allowed the lingering hum to wash over him. After a moment, Shuichi stood up and replaced the guitar on it's stand, refusing to make eye contact with anyone on the other side of the glass wall. He felt an indescribable feeling swell up inside him when he sang, and he was terrified that he would receive harsh criticism. _Who am I kidding, they probably hated it._

Taking tentative steps, he exited the sound booth and stood in front of his piers. Nobody said a word, just looked at him thoughtfully. Well, Hiro was smiling, but Shuichi had anticipated nothing but encouragment from his deluded friend. Finally, he found the courage to look Tohma in the eyes. With a sigh, Tohma broke the silence.

"Well, K-san. If we are all in agreement, with a few improvements and a lot of practice, I think you gentlemen have found your first single."

XXX

Eiri was irritated. No, he was furious. Tohma had practically black-mailed him into meeting with him and he had the nerve to make him wander all over the god-forsaken building looking for him. _Why isn't he in his damn office instead of some studio_? The only thing he was thankful for was the fact that the idiot with him, a.k.a. Tatsuha, was too busy pestering the poor temp at the reception desk, demanding to know the whereabouts of one Sakuma Ryuichi, to follow on his heels.

He entered the elevator and angrily pressed the button labeled five, where Tohma's personal secretary informed him to go. He contemplated leaving now, just to spite Tohma. It wasn't _his _fault Tohma disappeared to do god-knows-what. Before he could act, however, the elevator pinged and the doors opened. Sighing in resignation, he stalked down the hall towards studio 2. Not wanting to draw attention to himself immediately, he opened the doors quietly and entered. What he met with, however, did nothing short of take his breath away.

He recognized a few of the occupants of the room, but their attention was diverted towards the sound booth. Inside, on a metal chair, was a pink-haired young man, eyes closed, singing a slow, melancholy tune. Although the melody was somber, the voice which carried it made his heart clench. _Beautiful_, he thought. _Undisciplined, unseasoned...but beautiful all the same_. He could not help but to close his eyes and let the last verse wash over him.

_**Won't you let me show you how it feels?**_

_**You can stop the world**_

_**But you won't change me**_

_**I need music**_

_**To set me free**_

_**To let me bleed**_

When the music died away, Eiri could not tear his eyes away from the pink-haired figure that sang it. The young man walked out of the recording room and stood to face his brother-and-law, along with a few other people he faintly recognized. He heard Tohma speak, although he did not look at him. _So...he must be a new singer of Tohma's. Maybe this trip wasn't such a waste._

Shuichi felt immensely relieved that his song appeared to be well-received. Letting out the breath he did't realize he had been holding, he turned to his friends, his _bandmates_. Hiro wore a brilliant smile, his eyes shining. Glancing briefly at Sugura, he noticed a look that could be mistaken for polite admiration, but he did not dwell on it. The kid irritated him.

"I would like the three of you here and ready to rehearse first thing in the morning," Tohma began. "I hold very high standard for the artists that I support, and I expect no less than the best from everyone here." All nodded in understanding. "For the remainder of the day, I will leave you in the hands of K-" Tohma's directive was cut short by a loud cry.

"Saaaakuma-saann!"

Everyone turned to see what caused the commotion. Unfortunately for Shuichi, he turned a little too late, and was immediately seized in a death-grip from behind. Panic overtaking immediately, he balled his hand in a fist and spun around. "Don't touch me!" he screamed as his fist met with the assailant's jaw, knocking him to the ground.

The room was silent for several seconds. "About time someone did that, you pervert," Eiri scoffed, looking down at the injured Tatsuha

Hiro turned his eyes upwards toward Shuichi, only to find that he was no longer standing there. _Not good_, he thought.

Tatsuha moaned pitifully, still lying on the ground clutching his bruised cheek. "That wasn't my Sakuma-san."

"No shit," Hiro snapped. "I'm going to find him. I'll be back, he couldn't have gone far."

"No. It was my idiot brother who did it, and seeing as how he is in no condition to apologize, I'll go." Without waiting for a response, the blond was out the door.

XXX

Shuichi walked aimlessly down the hallways, not really paying attention to where he was going. He could not think straight. His head was spinning, and afraid that he was going to black out. He stopped and leaned his back against a wall. Sliding down, he sat and brought his knees to his chest. He hated this, hated the irrational fear that dominated his mind and body. He brought trembling hands up to his face to block the bright light from his eyes. Taking slow breaths, he counted back from twenty, trying to calm his nerves. Other thoughts came to his mind. What if he hit someone important? Did he just ruin his best friend's chance? Would Hiro forgive him?...

"Hey"

Shuichi quickly removed his hands looked up. He was met with most stunning pair of golden-hazel eyes he had ever seen. Dirty blond hair poured softly around a beautiful, almost androgynous face. _He's so...handsome_. He quickly dismissed this train of thought and instead turned his eyes to look out the window to his left.

"Are you just going to sit there all day?" The deep, masculine voice spoke again, making Shuichi's heart skip a beat, but he did not let it show.

"So what if I do, what do you care?"

"I don't," Eiri resigned. "But your friends are concerned. I told them I would bring you back, after apologizing for my baka of a brother. He mistook you for someone else."

"Obviously,"

Eiri could not read the younger man, something that was unusual for him. He was both irritated and intrigued. "I suggest you come along before that crazy American sends out a search party. He'll likely blow up the hole building." He held a hand out to help the smaller man stand.

Shuichi looked back to the tall blonde, noting his outstretched hand. Instead of taking the hand, he stood up on his own. "Who are you anyway?"

"Uesugi Eiri. And you?"

"Shindo...Shuichi." The two began walking down the hall back towards the studio, Eiri leading due to the fact that Shuichi had gotten himself lost during the ordeal.

After a few minutes of silent walking, Eiri turned his head to look at Shuichi. "How about I make it up to you when you finish here. Coffee?" He felt incredibly nervous for some reason. People usually tripped over each other to get a date with him, so why now the doubt?

Pulse quickening, Shuichi fought with himself for the answer. He felt that it would not be a big deal, simply a cup of coffee. But the other part of him reminded him that they had just met, and even if they hadn't, this man could be dangerous. Looking fixedly at the carpet in front of his feet, he responded with a quiet, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Stopping in front of the door to the studio, Eiri took a minute to look into those unusual violet eyes, which were deliberately diverted. _He looks so nervous...but I don't think that's all there is to it. _Quickly getting over the shock of being turned down by someone, probably for the first time in his life, he turned and led the way inside.

* * *

Eiri returned to his home late that evening after a grueling outing with his brother-in-law. Dinner was followed by drinks, and with drinks came the inevitable prying into his social life.

_"You're twenty-four now, Eiri-san. It's time to think about settling down permanently, no more one-night-stands."_

Eiri scoffed, but did not respond. He knew better than to argue, so he just let the misplaced concern waft throught he air, paying no mind to it. He was finally able to break away and go home, feigning exhaustion, and went home.

Eiri was, in fact, far from tired. All night he had his mind preoccupied with thoughts of a certain pink-haired angel. What was it about the younger man that captivating him, made him lose all thought and concentration? Sure, he was attractive in an effeminate way, but there had to be something more to it than that. After all, Eiri had been sleeping around with many beautiful women, but for the life of him he could not remember even one of their faces the next day.

Eiri entered his study with the intention of working for at least a little while. He had a couple weeks before his deadline, but he knew he would put it off and end up having to pull several all-nighters. Sitting back in his chair, he stared at the last few paragraphs he had written earlier, and waited for his muse to kick in.

Which it didn't.

After sitting there staring at the bright screen for almost an hour, he sighed and turned the computer off without writing a single word. Looking at the clock next to the laptop, he saw that it was just after midnight. Maybe a walk would do him some good. Standing up, he went into the living room, put on his coat, grabbed his keys, and decided to head to the park.

XXX

Shuichi lay in bed staring at the ceiling. No matter how much he tried, he could not fall asleep. So much had happened that day, his body refused to shut down. Talks of contracts, concerts, meetings and interviews ran through his head. And to top it all off, he could not get the image of a certain blond out of his mind.

What was is about that man that made him want to touch him? Voices screamed in his head, telling him that Eiri would be just like all the rest. He shuddered at that thought. He couldn't let himself be led into something like that again.

He sighed and rolled onto his side. The alarm clock glared and angry 11:52. He sighed again and rolled over, throwing his legs off the bed. He stood up, threw on a pair of old jeans that lay strewn across the floor, put on an over-sized sweatshirt and headed for the front door. There he slipped his feet into his shoes and grabbed his keys and cell phone. Maybe a walk would help clear his mind. Nobody should be out at this time of night. He walked out the door and quietly closed it after him, not wanting to alarm his neighbors to any noise.

He made his way out of the building and onto the street. As predicted, only a couple people were outside. He began walking slowly, not sure where to go. He had very few memories of his birth parents, but he could recall coming to Tokyo once or twice when he was younger. It was then he remembered that there used to be a beautiful park somewhere around here that overlooked the river. Getting his bearings, he changed direction, crossed the street, and heading in the direction he thought the park would be, if it was still there that is.

Sure enough, after about fifteen minutes of walking, he came to the low wrought-iron fencing that signaled the entrance of the park. Smiling to himself, he made his way down the narrow pathway towards the overlook. When he found the perfect spot, he noticed an empty bench sitting under a sakura tree. He sat down on the bench, folding his legs underneath himself. He stared out over the water, admiring the way the moon reflected in the still water. Looking up, he saw the stars shining brightly and he was thankful for the clear night. Feeling relaxed, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Shuichi knew that voice. Snapping his eyes open, his suspicion was confirmed. Eiri quietly took the seat next to him on the bench, leaving a comfortable space between him. Eiri wanted to avoid a black eye, if at all possible. "It would be better if the cherry-blossoms were in bloom, don't you think?"

Shuichi simply nodded, tearing his eyes away from the blond Adonis next to him, his heart beating a little too fast. "What are you doing out here?" he managed to find his voice.

Eiri shrugged. "I could ask you the same thing, but I have a feeling we have similar reasons." There were a few ways that Shuichi could have interpreted that response, but chose to let it drop. With an almost content sigh, Eiri stood and took a few steps towards the way he came. Pausing, he turned to look once again at Shuichi. _He looks so cute sitting all curled up like that_. "Since we're both up, how about that coffee? My apartment is only a couple blocks from here." He noticed the younger man flinch slightly. As an afterthought, he added, "I don't bite, ya' know. There are, however, some people out this late who _do_, and I would rather make sure you got inside safely."

Shuichi was having a little inner battle with himself. He didn't know what to do. There was something about Eiri that called out to him, begging him to trust the older man. But slightly more prominent was the nagging voice that told him that Eiri was big enough and strong enough to do to him what so many others had. Looking up, he locked eyes with the taller man, violet with gold. Seeing those rich pools, that undemanding expression, he stood up without a word and followed.

* * *

At a small table, in a quiet coffee shop, in the heart of downtown Tokyo, two longtime friends shared a midnight coffee.

The one sitting closest to the window had short, dark brown hair and cold brown eyes. He was dressed casually in faded blue jeans and a solid black t-shirt. His companion, slightly taller with shoulder-length black hair and piercing green eyes, was also dressed casually in stone-washed jeans, a black wife-beater and a jean jacket that ended past his hips. The latter anxiously bounced his knee up and down, sipping his coffee.

"So how was the drive," the short-haired one started.

"Long, but uneventful. Your parents told me to tell you hello for them, by the way."

The short-haired one smiled and nodded. He returned to his own cup, lost in thought. Placing his cup of the table, the black-haired man looked at the other with a glint in his eye. "So, he's here - you've seen him?" A nod as confirmation, he licked his lips. "How did he look? Good?"

The other man chuckled knowingly. "You get ahead of yourself Katsuki-kun. We don't have any information yet. But...yes, he looked good."

Katsuki grinned, then after a moment scowled. "He should have never been allowed to leave. You should have never left him alone," he spat.

His companion slammed his cup on the table. "And what the hell did you expect me to say to my parents when he refused to come, huh? '_But mom, dad, you have to make him come along. Young Asian boys sell for a fortune in England, we'll make a killing'_. Are you out of your mind?"

"I'm sorry, Aki. I know it wasn't your fault. It's just that I.." his eyes glazed over "...I just want him back is all."

"I know you do," Aki consoled. He looked thoughtful for a minute. "But you know...having his freedom for three whole years...he will probably need to be broken again."

A sadistic smile crossed Katsuki's lips and he chuckled. "Yes, I know he will." He licked his lips, eyes casting an evil shadow. "And that is the part I look forward to... most of all."

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. OK, so there's chapter three. It had to make it longer because there was a lot I wanted to cover in this chapter. The lyrics, of course, are not mine. They are from Cold, song entitled "Bleed" and it is one of my favorite songs. There is no way I could have written original lyrics, so I decided against it. As always, comments and criticisms are encouraged, so please R&R. Until next time..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Well, here's chapter four. It took a little longer than expected to get out, since I tend to stumble over dialog (and I have been pulling OT at work). Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing my story, I really appreciate it. With that said, I hope you enjoy..._

* * *

"So, what _were_ you doing at the park at this time of night, if you don't mind me asking?" 

Shuichi looked up at him from where he sat on the plush leather couch. Meeting his eyes for a second, he turned his attention back to his mug. "Couldn't sleep. You?"

Eiri simply shrugged and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. He crossed his legs casually while lighting a cigarette. "Same."

They sat is silence for several minutes, each lost in his own train of thoughts. _What was I thinking coming here. Does he expect something?_

_Why is he so tense all of the time. He hardly speaks, even though his voice is enchanting._ Eiri glanced sideways at his guest. "So, you're Tohma's latest victim, huh? How long have you been singing?"

"Just today, actually. I've never done it professionally. I think it's kind of funny, actually. I like to write lyrics, and I play a little guitar. Hiro thought I'd be good in a band." Shuichi set his empty coffee cup on the marble-top table in front of him. "So, what do you do?"

Eiri chuckled lightly. "I'm a writer."

Shuichi was surprised at that answer. He always had a stereotypical image of what a writer would look like, but Eiri definitely did not fit it. Shaking off the the sudden daze, he asked, "Write anything interesting?"

"Romance novels." He reached towards the table, noting Shuichi's flinch at the sudden movement, and put his cigarette out in the ashtray.

"I've never heard your name before. Not that I read that stuff or anything."

"Well, I have a pen name, actually. I publish under Yuki Eiri."

Shuichi was thoughful for a moment, eyebrows knitting together. Where had he heard that name before? He certainly did not make a habit of reading that drivel. _He looks so cute like that,_ Eiri couldn't help but think. Suddenly, Shuichi remembered where he had heard the name Yuki before. "Did any of your books get published in America?" Taken aback slightly at the question, Eiri simply nodded and looked at him questioningly. "I lived in America for a few years before I came back here. I've actually only been back a day. My room mate was a fan of yours I think. I heard the name from her."

Eiri nodded in understanding. He took a sip from his now-cold coffee and cleared his throat. "So, where did you live there? What made you go there?"

Distressd by the question, Shuich glanced up and his eyes met with Eiri's. The contact lasted but a few seconds before Shuichi broke away, staring at the far wall. "I stayed in Los Angeles for a couple years. Nothing too exciting."

Eiri nodded, silence returning. He noticed that his second question remained unanswered, but decided not to pursue it. For the first time since his visit, when he looked into Shuichi's eyes, he saw a flicker of raw emotion. Was it..._fear_? _What causes you to be afraid?_ He pondered this for a few moments before deciding that he was too tired to reach a plausible conclusion. Standing up and stretching, he walked into his bedroom to retrieved an extra pillow and blanket from the linen closet. He returned to the living room and placed the articles on the couch.

Shuichi, seeing the blanket, looked up at Eiri questioningly. "Why don't you stay here for the night? It's too late for you to be walking outside all alone, and I won't be much use since I'm exhausted. The couch should be pretty comfortable." Shuichi considered this for a moment. Something about Eiri's demeanor calmed him, but also made his pulse quicken. Meeting his gaze once again, seeing that soft, sincere look on Eiri's face, he consented with a nod of his head. Eiri smiled and began to walk towards his bedroom door, which extended from the living room. "If you need anything, I'll be right in here. Don't hesitate to ask. Make yourself at home." With that, he entered his room and closed the door, leaving Shuichi to himself.

Turning off the lamp that sat on the table beside the couch, he situated his pillow and laid back, covering himself with the soft comforter. He stared at the ceiling for several minutes, eyelids becoming heavy. He closed his eyes and, instead of darkness, he saw two amber-colored eyes floating behind his lids.

_Why are you so kind? Why do you care about someone...as worthless as me?_

Finally able to let his body relax, he drifted off to sleep.

XXX

Eiri lay in bed awake for some time after seeing to it that Shuichi was settled. Staring at the ceiling, he only thought of amethyst eyes, pink hair, porcelain skin, and...such a faraway eyes. Why did this boy have such an effect on him? Was it because he seem unattainable? Because he seemed so innocently withdrawn? _I want to hold him, touch him..._

Eiri scoffed at himself. Here he was, _the_ Yuki Eiri, infamous for his uncanny ability to bed any woman he desired (if only for the night), obsessing about a unsociable _boy_. How pathetic could he get? Turning onto his side, he let out a audible sigh. But...he couldn't lie to himself. This boy was special somehow. He decided in that moment that he wanted Shuichi, more than he had ever wanted anyone. Not just physically, no. He wanted all of him.

_If I can just reach out to you...then maybe I can make you mine. _

Eiri closed his eyes, and let sleep overtake him.

* * *

Shuichi awoke to bright light burning behind his eyelids and the overpowering smell of freshly-brewed coffee. Willing himself to return to sleep, he overheard voices coming from somewhere, but in his dream-hazed mind, he could not tell from where. 

"...invited you here anyway? It's too damn early in the morning to deal with you."

"Don't worry, I'm heading back to the temple today. I'm sure you know already that Father wants you to visit."

"Hell will freeze over before I willingly step foot in that bastards' house again." Shuichi recognized Eiri's voice, but did not know the other.

"So...what's the kid doing here?"

"I ran into him last night at the park. I offered the couch and he took it. No big deal. Now shut up before you wake him up."

Shuichi cracked an eye open to seek out the source of the voices. Craning his head slightly, he peered towards the kitchen and saw Eiri pouring coffee into a cup while visibly trying to ignore a dark-haired companion. After a moment, Shuichi recognized the man to be the one he had the 'run-in' with the day before. Groaning, he let his head fall back against the pillow. _Great_, he thought. _What is he doing here?_ Swinging his legs around to sit up, he propped his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands. He was still very tired, but was gratefull for the unusually dreamless night.

Footsteps approached steadily and the scent of coffee wafted to him. Turning his head to the side, he saw Eiri standing beside him, holding a cup as an offering. He took the cup and thanked him with his eyes. He was most certainly not a morning person. Eiri did not seem to mind the silence, instead he gave a warm smile. _Gods, his smile is beautiful_. Shuichi quickly dismissed this train of thought and began to let the warm coffee go to work.

Eiri sat on the couch beside him, only a hands-distance away, and propped his socked feet up on the coffee table. Their proximity did not go unnoticed by Shuichi, but for reasons unknown to him, he did not feel the usual anxiety. He was interrupted from his thoughts when Eiri's deep voice spoke. "Shu, I don't think that you were properly introduced." He gestured towards the dark-haired man who stood leaning against the door-frame of the kitchen. "This is by brother, Tatsuha. Tatsuha, this is Shuichi. Now that introductions are over, you can leave now."

Tatsuha walked into the living room towards the two, and Shuichi noticed how alike the two looked, although the brother had darker features and looked to be significantly younger. "Hey there, sorry about yesterday. Startling you, I mean. But man, you have a wicked right hook," he joked.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Shuichi responded, eyes lowered.

"No problem. Well, anyway, I do have to get going, it's a long drive to Kyoto. See you later, bro. Talk to you some other time, Shuichi." With that he grabbed his jacket from the counter and walked out the door.

Shuichi cocked his head towards Eiri, eyebrow raised. "_Shu_, huh?"

Eiri met his gaze with a smile. "I thought it sounded cute." _Wait, did I just say that out loud? _Shuichi let his guard down for a moment and smiled a genuine smile before turning his head away and shrugging. "You should smile more often, it suits you."

Shuichi was horrified to find his cheeks becoming slightly warmer with a blush. He tried to cover it up by looking at his watch. 7:25am. "I should get going, I need to be there by eight." Eiri nodded in understanding and stood up to walk him to the door. Opening the door, Shuichi looked up at him. "Thanks for everything. I mean, you know, the coffee and couch." he shrugged.

Eiri smiled. "No problem. Anytime." Shuichi nodded and the two stood there in silence for a few seconds. On whim, Eiri reached his fingers out slowly and brushed a lock of Shuichi's hair behind his ear. The soft touch startled Shuichi, and their eyes locked. His soft fingers lingered on the tender skin of Shuichi's ear for a brief second before tearing away. Shuichi searched his eyes for any hint of malevolence, but when he found only warmth, he offered a smile once again before turning and walking away.

Eiri stood in the doorway until he saw Shuichi turn the corner to the main street. He smiled, elated by their amorous, however brief, moment. Feeling satisfied, he walked inside and closed the door.

XXX

Hiro sat in a soft chair in the recording studio, knee jumping up and down. He glanced at his watch once again, the third time in the past fifteen minutes. 8:23am. Shuichi was late and he was a nervous wreck. He knew that he shouldn't be worrying himself as much as he was, but he couldn't help it. Ever since finding out about his friend's so-called childhood, he felt an extreme urge to protect the smaller boy. His mind ran through scenario's of what could have been happening right at that moment. Was he hurt? Did he get lost? He shook his head, dismissing this train of thought. He decided that if he did not show up within the next fifteen minutes, he would head to his apartment. He leaned his head back in his seat, tilting it to look at his companions. Sugura sat directly to his right, arms crossed, scowl firmly planted on his face and mumbling things like "no work ethic" and "immature, self-centered brat" under his breath. K simply leaned against the wall, staring off into space with a frown. Hiro had, when he arrived at the studio, demanded that he remove the small arsenal he normally carried, rather than having his friend face one of his well-polished "babies".

Another thing worrying him was Uesugi Eiri. The misty expression on the writer's face the day before did not go unnoticed. What was his interest in Shuichi? He knew of the writer's reputation from what he overheard from Tohma, and he did not appreciate the idea of his friend being used in any way. He made a promise to Shuichi before he returned from America, and he would do anything in his power to protect him. He'd be damned if some heartless bastard caused his friend more pain, knowing how easily he could be shattered. He decided to have a talk to Uesugi-san the next time he ran into him.

XXX

Shuichi ran the last block towards NG. After having to stop at his apartment to get a change of clothes, he was running very late. _I'm really starting off great_, he chastised himself. He reached the building a few minutes later and took the elevator to the fifth floor. Looking at his watch, he saw that it was already 8:40. He leaned his head against the wall and tried to get his breathing under control. When he arrived at his floor, he composed himself and walked towards the studio.

He saw that everyone had, of course, been waiting for him and were obviously irritated by his late arrival. Nothing was said, however, as he met each of their glares with a cool expression. "Sorry about being late, I had some things to take care of."

Hiro stepped towards his friend, masking the relief he felt seeing him walk through the door in one piece. "Care to elaborate a little for us?"

"No," Shuichi responded simply. "How about we get started."

Although Hiro was offended by Shuichi's cold attitude, everyone agreed that it would be best to start. They spent the day rehearsing and modifying their intended single until they felt satisfied with the finished product. The group worked well together and had little to dispute when making suggestions to improve the arrangement.

After ten grueling hours, they made a final run-through, this time recording the draft that they intended to present to Tohma for approval. Towards the end of the song, Tohma entered the studio and smiled as he listened to the much-improved song. K, noticing his entrance, gave him a pleased smile and a nod. Tohma walked to stand next to K as he watched the artists begin to pack up their instruments. "I hear that Shindo-san was late today. I am quite disappointed. We may have to keep a closer watch on that one."

"He was with me."

Tohma and K turned towards the new voice just as Shuichi, Hiro and Sugura exited the sound booth. Shuichi met Eiri's gaze and felt his pulse quicken and a now-familiar warmth rush through his body, although he kept his expression passive. Tohma was taken aback by both Eiri's presence and his statement. Looking back and forth between the two, he smiled. "Well, I suppose that I could let this one incident go for the time being. I am sure you will not allow him to be late in the future, should you two care to spend time in each other's company." The two in question continued to stare at each other, seemingly not hearing the president speak. Addressing the rest, he stated, "I will take my leave. I am impressed with how the song is coming along. Keep up the good work." With a small bow, he left.

"I am going to assume that you haven't eaten yet. Would you like to join me?" Noticing the glare coming from Hiro, he amended, "Unless of course you have other plans?"

Shuichi, lost the golden glow of his eyes, hesitated only a moment before nodding his head. "Sure, I don't have plans, anyway." Without more than a glance at his bandmates, he followed Eiri out.

_What the hell was that all about_, Hiro thought, watching his friend walk out the door. He was both shocked by Shuichi's acceptance and angered by the realization of _whom_ he left with. Shaking his head, he decided that he definitely needed to have a little talk with the blonde. Saying goodnight to Sugura, Hiro decided to go home.

* * *

When Shuichi considered dinner, he was most certainly not expecting a home-cooked meal prepared by the handsome writer. When they entered Eiri's apartment, he realized just how famished he was as he took in the sweet aromas of the food, apparently prepared before the blonde came to pick him up. Slipping their shoes off by the front door, Eiri signaled for Shuichi to sit at the dining table, which had already been tastefully laid out for the two of them. Although it was simple, it had an overwhelming effect on the stoic singer, who had never before been privy to a dinner for two. He sat in stunned silence as Eiri placed the plates of food in front of each of them without a word. 

They ate in silence, casting tentative glances each other's way while Shuichi fought desperately to rid himself of the slight blush he felt invading his cheeks. When they were finished, Shuichi caught Eiri's eyes and gave a shy smile. "Thanks. You cook really well."

Eiri shrugged. "It's either learn to cook or live off of takeout."

Shuichi nodded and Eiri stood and began to clear the table, insisting for the younger man to sit on the couch and find something to watch on television. Eiri joined him after a few minutes, sitting beside him on the sofa. After a while of watching an uninteresting movie on the t.v., Shuichi felt his eyelids becoming heavy with fatigue, begging for sleep. Noticing this, Eiri spoke up. "You can stay here the night, if you'd like." He cursed himself for sounding almost desperate. In fact, he realized that he _was_ desperate, he craved the boy's proximity.

Shuichi turned to him with a nonchalant expression, his eyes showing a touch of shame. "It's alright. I don't want to impose more than I have." In truth, Shuichi did not want to leave. He felt uncharacteristically at ease around the older man, something that he had not felt in a long time, if ever. He was almost desperate to hold on to the strange comfort he was feeling for as long as possible.

Eiri smiled at him. "It's no imposition. It's usually too quiet around here anyway, I don't mind your company."

Shuichi returned the smile, although tiredly, and nodded. The smile vanished quickly however and he looked worriedly at the blonde. "Do you mind if I use your shower? I didn't get the chance this morning because I was running late." Eiri nodded and stood to retrieve something for him to sleep in. Pointing to the bathroom, Shuichi took the clothes gratefully and shut the door behind him. Eiri returned to the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. _What's getting into me? I better not be getting soft for that damn kid. _A part of him knew that he already was, and, surprisingly, he didn't mind at all.

Feeling his own eyes getting heavy, he snapped out of his reverie when the bathroom door opened. Glancing over his shoulder, his breath caught in his chest at the sight that met him. The shirt he lent was much too big for the smaller boy, and draped loosely around his shoulders, coming to rest just above his knees. The pink flush of his skin caused by the too-warm water was enhanced by the damp pink hair that clung delicately to his face and neck. Stumbling almost unperceptively, the boy made his way tiredly to the couch and sat down next to Eiri, who finally reminded himself that he needed to breathe.

Shuichi, feeling exhausted and relaxed by his hot shower, sat beside Eiri and curled his legs beneath himself. Without thinking about what he was doing or the consequences of the actions, Shuichi gently laid his head on the edge of Eiri's right shoulder. A little shocked by the maneuver, the writer quickly recovered and found himself smiling. Shuichi felt the older man shift slightly to accommodate him more comfortably, and he snuggled closer to the crook of his neck, the sweet smell of his clean hair intoxicating the blonde. He let his eyes close, feeling safe for the first time in years, and drifted off to sleep.

Eiri stayed awake for some time after the singer fell asleep. He moved his arm to wrap around he small body and held him close, knowing he was unconscious. Although he did not want to disrupt the seemingly perfect moment, he knew very well that if he were to fall asleep in this position, they would both be very sore by the morning. Keeping this in mind, he slowly stood up, arranging the lithe body to lay comfortably on the couch. He considered laying down to sleep beside him, but did not want to risk the return of Shuichi's apprehension. So, instead, he carefully covered the small body with the comforter that hung from the back of the sofa, and returned to his own room for the night.

* * *

_...he could feel the calloused hands running up and down his chest, his shirt having been unbuttoned halfway...rough fingers pulling at his shorts...incomprehensible words whispered into his ear with alcohol-laced breath...he could feel eyes on him...they were watching from the corner or the room, enjoying the 'show'. He kept asking himself over and over again, never getting an answer...why? He felt the snap on his jeans give way...the eyes never left his body...he felt so dirty..._

Shuichi awoke with a start from the sound of heavy thunder outside. His chest expanded and contracted uncontrollably, heart racing painfully. It took him several moments of thought to realize why he wasn't in his own apartment, in his own room. Reaching a hand up to wipe the thin layer of sweat from his forehead, he felt the remnants of warm tears on his cheeks. He rubbed them viciously, trying to rid himself of all evidence of his weakness. _Pathetic_. Another round of lightning, followed by bellowing thunder resonated through the apartment, causing him to whine quietly. He hated storms with a passion. Under normal circumstances, it would not be so frightful, but he was not in the safety of his own room, where he could bury himself under a mound of pillows.

His thoughts drifted to the man sleeping in the next room, only a door away. He suddenly felt the urge to have that man near him, to receive that comfort he obtained every time they were near. His mind raced with many thoughts surfacing all at once.

_He will hurt me, just like everyone else._

_But...if he wanted to hurt me, he could have done it before now._

_What impression am I going to make practically crawling after him?_

_He's never shown any intention of forcing himself on me up to this point._

_Is it worth it to stay away? What does it matter if he hurts me now as opposed to later? If he hurts me now, at least I haven't been completely swept away by him. Is it worth trusting him, to take that chance?_

With another crash of lightning, his reluctance melted and his feet led him to the closed door. _If it's locked, then that's that_. The doorknob turned, and he gently pushed the door a few inches, allowing himself to peer inside. He felt his heart swell at the sight of the bundle of thick covers. Opening the door a little more, it defiantly squeaked, and he saw the covers stir. A thatch of blonde hair surfaced and confused eyes studied him. "What's wrong?"

Taking a few steps into the bedroom, Shuichi looked towards the floor, ashamed. "The storm..." He did not dare tell him of the nightmare, the real reason for his disturbed sleep.

He heard the shuffling of blankets, and the hidden body shifted to the left, leaving the space next to him open. Holding the blanket aside, Eiri looked at him expectantly. Without making a sound, Shuichi closed the distance and crawled into the bed next to the larger man. Putting his doubts aside for the time being, he lay close, burying his head in the bare chest before him. Eiri secured the blanket around him and gently pulled his small body closer. Feeling strong arms wrap around his waist to hold him close, he couldn't help the smile that came when he buried his head underneath Eiri's chin and laid his arms gently around his waist. Both lost in thoughts of the other, darkness reclaimed them quickly.

* * *

Eiri awoke from the sunlight burning behind his eyelids. Groaning loud in frustration, he opened his eyes and met with a face-full of silky pink hair. Realization settling quickly, he felt his pulse quicken and squeezed his arms tighter around the lithe body gathered in his arms. With a quiet moan, clouded purple eyes met his and the two men lay in mutual silence. Sleep-induced haze leaving quickly, Shuichi offered a small smile which Eiri returned. Feeling bold, Eiri leaned forward and captured Shuichi's lips in a soft, chaste kiss. Shuichi's eyes widened in shock, not knowing how to respond. When he received no response after a moment, Eiri broke away and caught the younger man's surprised expression. Too busy caught up with chastising himself, he did not notice the change in the boy. Shuichi recovered from his shock and studied the beautiful face that held a trace of regret, and he felt his heart clench. Setting aside his apprehension, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Eiri's. _His lips are so soft,_ Shuichi couldn't help but think as he closed his eyes. Eiri had to fight to restrain himself from deepening the kiss, afraid that he would cause Shuichi to pull away. 

When they broke apart, Eiri looked at the younger man and smiled. "G'morning," he whispered.

Shuichi fought a blush and buried his head in the larger man's neck. "Good Morning." After a moment, he shifted so that he could see the clock on the nightstand next to the bed. Realizing that it was almost seven o'clock, he looked up apologetically. "I guess I should get ready to go. I don't want to be late again. I don't know what Seguchi-san would do," he joked.

"Yeah, I guess you shouldn't make your bandmates mad. But, I wouldn't worry about Tohma, he won't do anything to you."

"Why do you say that? He _is_ my boss."

"Your boss, but _my _brother-in-law. He knows better than to do anything to piss me off."

Shuichi lay in stunned silence. Eiri was related to Seguchi-san? _I guess stranger things have happened_, he mused. Deciding that he was too tired to continue questioning the situation, he rolled out of the bed, stretched and made a trip to the bathroom. After washing his face, he found his clothes in the living room. It was then he realized that he did not have clean clothes at Eiri's apartment. Returning to the bedroom, he saw that Eiri, too, was getting out of bed. "Do you have a shirt I could borrow?"

Nodding, Eiri walked to his dresser, retrieved a white button-down dirt and handed it to the smaller man. "I think it may be too big, though," he teased.

Shuichi attempted to glare at the older man, but found that it was impossible after hearing his deep laugh. Instead, he huffed, "I know I'm smaller than you, but at least I don't snore." And with that, he walked towards the bathroom to change.

Eiri smiled after the retreating figure. With each passing moment he felt himself gravitating more and more towards the pink-haired man. He could still feel those velvety lips, that slim waist, warm breath on his neck...

He quickly shook his head, deciding not to pursue that train of thought before it got him into trouble. He resigned himself to the couch, turning on the television and flipping it to the news, although he didn't really watch it. He was more preoccupied with thoughts of the man in his bathroom.

Shuichi cleaned up quickly, pulling on his jeans from yesterday and slipping into Eiri's shirt. It was a few sizes too large for him, but it was very comfortable. Running his hands through his hair, he deemed himself presentable and made his way to the living room. Eiri looked up and had to keep himself contained by the delicious sight of the younger man wearing tight jeans and his own shirt, which came down mid-thigh. Not wanting to make the boy more uncomfortable due to his staring, he cleared his throat. "Come on, I'll take you to work."

* * *

The two arrived at NG by ten minutes to eight. Eiri, not wanting to leave the boy so soon, decided to escort Shuichi to his studio. He wanted desperately to touch the boy, but seeing the look on Shuichi's face made him keep his distance, however minimal. 

A million thoughts raced through Shuichi's mind, replaying the events from the last couple of days. He felt foolish letting his guard down so easily. Years of abuse taught him the fundamental rule that people can not be trusted, especially when it comes to other men. Why did he feel so weak with the older male? What about him made all of his inhibitions, both mental and physical, desert him so completely? Why did he feel so complete when was lying in the arms of the man standing at his side now?

After entering the elevator, Shuichi chanced a glance at the other, whose gaze was averted. _When will you hurt me? When will you take all of me?_ Eiri turned his head and looked into his eyes. Suddenly, seeing those deep amber orbs, Shuichi felt that, maybe, he did not care. He thought that maybe, just _maybe_, this man was sincere. Reaching his hand out gently, Eiri took his hand. Shuichi flinched almost imperceptively, but did not pull away. Instead, he gave the blond's hand a slight squeeze and smiled.

They made their way into the studio, finding that Hiro and Sugura were already waiting. Hiro looked up when the doors opened and found himself at a loss. The sight of his previously-guarded friend hand-in-hand with Uesugi Eiri was shocking to say the least, and the genuine smile on said friend's face was baffling. "Shuichi, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Shuichi turned to his friend and scowled. "Since when is it your business?" he replied coldly, feeling defensive towards the brunette. Giving Eiri one last glance, he released his hand and entered the sound booth to warm up.

Hiro turned his attention to the blonde. "We need to talk." Without waiting for a reply, Hiro shoved the older man into the hallway and slammed him up against the wall. They stood eye to eye, neither speaking for a moment. "What do you think you're doing with Shuichi?"

Eiri smirked. "I believe that Shuichi has made it clear that this doesn't concern you, but I will reiterate. Mind your own business."

"What are your intentions with him?" Hiro's demeanor lost some of it's anger, becoming more protective, causing Eiri to relax a little.

"I have no intentions, no ulterior motives. I like him, he seems to like me. What's the problem?"

Hiro averted his gaze, a troubled expression on his face. "Shuichi is not as tough as he makes himself seem. He has been...hurt before. Up until now, he's always put on a facade, masking what he's really feeling." Hiro turned to look hard into Eiri's eyes. "Don't you dare hurt him."

Eiri felt a gentle tug at the corners of his mouth. "I wouldn't think of it." Some of Hiro's words surfaced in his mind, and he became concerned. "What do you mean by 'he's been hurt'? By whom? How?"

Hiro lowered his eyes to the floor. "I'm not the one to tell you that. If he trusts you enough, he may consider telling you, but not me. But...there _was_ a reason he went to America. Just trust me when I say..." Hiro stared hard into the blond's eyes, "...if you ever do _anything _to hurt him, I will not let it go."

Taking his words to heart, Eiri nodded. "I don't intend on it."

Feeling satisfied that he managed to get his point across, Hiro turned without another word, walked into the studio, and closed the doors behind him.

Eiri stood and contemplated the short conversation for several moments. _Shuichi was hurt by someone...bad enough to leave the country. Who could have done anything malicious to such a beautiful boy?_ In that moment, walking towards the elevator, he vowed that he would do everything in his power to protect his pink-haired angel.

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. I apologize if this chapter seemed to drag, as I was trying to establish the forming relationship between Shuichi and Eiri. I hope it wasn't too bad, and I look forward to any comments. Please R & R_! 


	5. Chapter 5

_Well, here's the next chapter of my little fic. For those who have been reading and reviewing, thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate it. I have to give a warning that there is a lemon in this chapter, so if you don't like it, I recommend skipping that part. Without further ado..._

* * *

"Listen up everybody!" K marched into the studio with a smile from ear to ear. "Why don't you ask your magnificent, ingenious manager what he accomplished today?!" 

Sugura, Hiro and Shuichi all looked towards him expectantly. K continued to stare at them smiling, hands placed on his hips and standing tall. After a few moments without further detail, Hiro, sighed. "What is it then, K-san?"

K tilted his head back and laughed. "Guess what talented up-and-coming band just landed it's very own debut on live television?"

Everyone's mouth dropped in shock. Sugura was the first to recover and ran up to K, grabbing onto his shirt. "Seriously? No joke?"

K smiled, "No joke."

Hiro spoke up. "So when and where? We only started on the arrangement for our second song, how are we going to play on a music show already?"

"No need to worry, Nakano-san. You will be the featured musical guest on the show _Rage Beat_ and will have to fill a ten to fifteen minute slot. This means that you will have to perfect _'Bleed'_ as well as this new song you are working on. You won't be interviewed this early on, however, but Seguchi-san wants to get your name out to the public."

Sugura returned to his seat, a grin on his face. "So, how long do we have?"

"You have five days."

A few seconds passed...

"WHAT?!" Everyone spoke in unison.

"Don't worry, I have complete and utter faith in your abilities. I want you guys to finish the arrangement for the new song by the end of tomorrow. Shuichi, I trust that the lyrics are complete?"

Shuichi looked up at him from the small table where a small notebook lay in front of him, a neutral expression on his face. "Almost, I'm having trouble with the last verse, but I will have it by tomorrow."

"Good! Now, everyone, keep it up for another two hours, then you can take off early since things will go smoother once the lyrics are done."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Sugura and Hiro walked to their respective instruments in the sound booth while Shuichi sat, pouring words into his lyric-book.

* * *

Shuichi took his time walking back from the studio. K had kept to his word and the group was released by six o'clock. He made his way back to Eiri's apartment, where he had been staying for the past two days. He smiled to himself. Being with Eiri was a whole new experience for him. The writer had a way of making him feel so relaxed and even wanted. He still couldn't fathom that such a man existed, much less wanted _him_ of all people. If he could lay in bed all day with the writer, he would be perfectly happy. Not once has Eiri tried to force himself on him while he stayed in his bed, although they often awoke with tangled limbs. He couldn't have been more satisfied. 

Of course, he would be kidding himself if he didn't realize that the whole situation seemed a little too good to be true. He no longer had any lingering doubts about the older man, and he felt horrible that he could not rid himself of the occasional flinches he experienced when Eiri reached for him. Seeming to understand, Eiri would always smile and say that everything was alright. _I wonder if he would say the same thing to me if he knew the truth, seeing me for what I really am...used goods._ Two nights ago, Shuichi swore to himself that he would not risk losing Eiri that way. He made a vow that he would keep his past where it belonged - buried.

Shuichi suddenly stopped underneath a lamp-post. He had an inexplicable sensation that he was being followed. Turning around slowly, he studied the few people around him. No one seemed to pay him any mind, going about their own business. After a few moments without seeing anything out of the ordinary, he continued walking.

He reached Eiri's apartment after the sun had set, although there was still enough light to see by. He could not shake the feeling of eyes following him as he went. With a shaking hand, he reached into his pocket and retrieved the spare key that Eiri had given him yesterday. Sliding it into the lock and opening the door, he quickly ran inside and shut the door behind him, throwing the deadbolt in place. He leaned against the wall for several minutes, trying to get his breathing under control, his heart beating painfully in his chest and a thin film of sweat coating his forehead. The feeling of paranoia was overwhelming for him and he was grateful that Eiri was not here to see him in this state.

After taking a few minutes to compose himself, Shuichi stood up and made his way into the living room. He switched on the lamp beside the couch and looked around sadly. The house seemed so empty without Eiri there, but he knew that the blonde was having dinner with his sister and would be gone for at least another hour. Resigning himself to the sofa, he pulled out his notebook and worked on finishing his new song. Reading over the words he had already written, he smiled. He knew this song was special after all, because he had been writing it for Eiri. Of course, the writer had no idea and would continue to be oblivious until the whole song was arranged and complete. Appearing on _Rage Beat_ would be the perfect opportunity. A small part of him still feared rejection, afraid that his whole growing relationship was a trick. Revealing his innermost feelings on a stage would assist in not having to face rejection immediately .

Returning to the task at hand, Shuichi allowed the words to flow from his hand onto the paper.

* * *

Eiri shut the door of his Mercedes and sighed. After two excruciating hours with his sister, he had finally arrived home. It wasn't that he hated his sister...well, not all of the time anyway. She just had a way of prying into his personal life. After the death of their mother when he was twelve, Mika felt that it had become her responsibility to look after him. Due to the fact the he was not living up to her standards by settling down with a 'nice girl', having a couple of kids and, eventually, taking over his father's temple when the old man finally died, she often resorted to haughty insults and pleading to try and get her way. And then she found out about Shuichi. He leaned back against the door of his car, tilted his head back and smiled, remembering the look of utter shock on her face when he mentioned the young man. 

_"What?!" Mika sat in open-mouth disbelief across the table of the restaurant. Eiri simply continued smoking, not offering anything more. "What do you mean you are living with a-a-a boy?!"_

_Exhaling, he extinguished his cigarette and continued in a neutral tone. "Just what I told you. He's been staying with me for a couple days now. I am going to ask him to move in with me."_

_Mika simply continued gaping like a fish, causing Eiri to momentarily smirk at the association. Gathering her thoughts, she donned the visage of calm composure. "Well, I know for a fact that you can't be serious about this situation. I can understand your fascination with the taboo, but leading this boy on will not end well."_

_Eiri scowled, glaring at his sister with irritation. "This is not some fucking _phase_, Mika."_

_With an all-knowing smile, she reached across the table and placed her hand gently on top of his. "Eiri, I know how much you don't want to face your familial responsibilities to Father and I, but what you propose to do is completely unnecessary. You still have time to find a nice girl who can give you everything you need to-"_

_Eiri threw her hand away and slammed his fist on the table. "Don't assume to know what it is I need, Mika. Get it through your thick skull that I have no intention of getting married to some slut and having a bunch of brats. What I want, what I _need_ is Shuichi. I will not be coerced by anyone into believing otherwise, so _LET.IT.GO._" Composing himself after his outburst, Eiri picked up his wine glass and sipped it calmly._

_Mika paled, looking as though she had been physically slapped in the face. Having lost her appetite, she pushed her plate away a few inches and refused to look him in the eye. After several minutes of silence, she sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing. I just want you to be happy."_

Eiri smiled, relishing in the memory of having won the argument. He looked over his shoulder towards his condo. Seeing that there was a light on, his heart skipped a beat, knowing exactly who was there waiting for him. _I wonder when I should ask him to move in_. He did not want Shuichi to feel pressured or uncomfortable, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was too soon to ask. They only met a few days ago, after all. Of course, Eiri had to admit that he has been happier in the last several days than he's been since he was a child. Shuichi's smile alone, which seemed to be reserved only for him, was enough to make him weak in the knees. The soft skin of his hand when Eiri held it, the barely-noticeable strawberry scent given off by his silky hair, his delicate and hesitant kisses - all of it was enough to drive the writer crazy. Having the singer in his bed every night was both comforting and frustrating, however. Since that first night they fell asleep together, he never wanted the singer to sleep anywhere else. However, Eiri's libido was going wild. He had never gone so long without sex before, but he couldn't bring himself to go out looking for women. The only person who would be good enough was Shuichi, and because of this, he had to use every ounce of willpower to prevent himself from ravishing the small boy. He knew very well that Shuichi's trust was hard to earn, and he did not want to damage their newfound relationship.

Decided to surprise the young man, he entered the apartment quietly and closed the door behind him. Noticing that he light in the living room was on, he approached and stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame. He watched as his young boyfriend chewed on the end of his pen carefully, staring off into space. A notebook lay open in front of him on the coffee table. He enjoyed watching the singer at work, whether it was while singing or while writing his lyrics. He often found himself trying to decipher the myriad of emotions that flickered behind those amethyst orbs.

Clearing his throat, he decided to alert the boy to his presence. "What are you working on?"

Shuichi jumped in his seat, dropping the pen. Releasing a strained breath, he scowled at the blonde. "You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing lurking in the hallway like that?"

Eiri smiled, knowing that the anger was simply a defense mechanism. He walked over to Shuichi slowly and sat down on the couch next to him, attempting to glance at the pages. Quickly shutting the notebook, Shuichi glared at him. "You know I don't like you reading this stuff before I finish. You'll get to hear it just the same as everyone else." He leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms, avoiding Eiri's gaze. Shuichi was inwardly relieved that he managed to hide the song before Eiri was able to read any of it.

Eiri smile widened at the pathetic attempt. He wrapped his arm firmly around the boy's thin waist and pulled him closer. He gently nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck and whispered into his ear. "You know...you really look cute when you try to play 'angry'."

Shuichi couldn't suppress the smile he felt tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was glad that Eiri did not take him seriously. Still, the older man should know better than sneak up on him like that, just ask his brother. Sighing gently, he relaxed into the hold and received a soft kiss from the blonde. After they parted, Shuichi placed his head on Eiri's shoulder, bringing his feet up on the couch beside him. "How was your sister?"

Eiri laughed. "Same as she always is, conniving and irritating."

"She can't be that bad. She just what's best for you, right?"

Eiri shrugged. "How was work?"

Shuichi smiled. "We have a gig on a live t.v. show in a couple of days, that's why I have been working on this song just now. We need to have two ready by then to perform. It's our first appearance and I don't want to let Hiro down."

"Are you nervous?'

"Yeah. I don't know how I feel about all of those people just staring at us." Shucihi felt his heart clench in remembrance of his latest nightmares.

Eiri nodded. "You'll do fine. You have a great voice and your lyrics aren't exactly horrible. Just let yourself go with the music. Don't think about anything, just perform."

"Will you watch?" Shuichi held his breath. He really wanted Eiri to hear his song, but if he refused to see the show...

"Of course." Shuichi smiled and released his breath, snuggling closer to the larger man.

Eiri reached for the remote control and turned on the t.v. He flipped through the channels and finally decided on the news.

_"...is being held by police until his trial at the end of the month. The victim, thirteen-year-old Suzuki Mira, suffers from injuries of varying degrees as a result of the beating and subsequent rape at the hands of her uncle. She is currently being treated at Tokyo General..." _Pictures of a bruised young girl laying on an ambulance gurney flashed across the screen, her body covered by a pristine white blanket. The camera shifted to show a surly-looking man, probably standing over six feet tall, being led by handcuffs into a police station.

Shuichi felt bile rising in his throat and he closed his eyes. Seeing the images of that girl, the blank look in her red-rimmed eyes, bruises covering her bare arms and slender neck...

Shuichi stood up without warning, fighting back the tears that burned behind his eyes. "I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed now." Without waiting for a reply, he walked quickly into the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

Eiri did not know how to respond to the sudden actions. He stared at the closed door for several minutes. What caused him to react that way? Eiri had been too wrapped up in the warmth emanating from the young man in his arms to notice what was on the television. He wracked his brain, but did not come up with any explanation.

Standing up, he turned off the t.v. and flicked the switch off the lamp. He made his way into the bedroom, opening and closing the door with barely a sound. Despite his efforts, Shuichi heard him enter and ceased the flow of tears from his eyes. Eiri shed his shirt and crawled into bed behind Shuichi, cradling him so that his back lay flat against the larger chest. Silently, he pulled the silky comforter up to wrap around the two of them. He gently kissed the younger man's neck and whispered into his ear. "What's wrong, Shu? What's bothering you? I want to know."

Shuichi closed his eyes, thanking the Gods that it was too dark to see his tear-stained face. Clearing his throat, he whispered a barely audible, "Nothing's wrong."

Feeling crestfallen, Eiri continued. "When will you trust me, Shu. Why can't you see that there is nothing you need to hide from me?"

Feeling fresh tears threatening to boil over, he could not hide the emotion in his voice. "If you knew, you wouldn't see me the same way."

Sensing the finality in those words, Eiri sighed. Rather than show his frustration at his boyfriend's misplaced fear, he chose to hold him closer and kissed his hair softly. He felt the small man's breath even out as he fell asleep. Feeling the warmth of exhaustion, he closed his eyes and welcomed sleep. _What do I have to do to show you...Why can't you open up to me? How could I look at you any differently than I do every second we are together?_

* * *

The following five days went by very quickly for Shuichi. He and his band practiced daily from morning well into the night perfecting their music. Hiro, once presented with the new lyrics, was dumbfounded. He never knew that Shuichi harbored such emotions as were dictated in the song, but applied them seamlessly to the music provided by Sugura and himself. He also knew to whom the song was dedicated, although it was never verbalized. 

Shuichi had been in heaven for the past few days with Eiri. Although he knew that Eiri was still concerned about his outburst earlier in the week, it was never once brought up. For this, Shuichi was eternally grateful. Instead, Eiri chose to lavish attention on the singer. Not only did he make Shuichi's favorite foods at dinner, he also made a point of driving him to and from work, as well as taking him out to lunch daily. On Eiri's part, he was trying to show the younger man how much he meant to him by showering him with affection. Shuichi did not mind at all.

Shuichi, Hiro, Sugura and K were currently waiting backstage for their cue. Shuichi could not quiet the twisting of his stomach, which threatened to expel his luch. They were about to debut as the featured musical guests of one of Japan's most popular entertainment television shows and Shuichi could not help feeling incredibly anxious. He tried to distract himself with thoughts of his blonde boyfriend, but the fact that said boyfriend would be watching him from home made him even more nervous.

"Two minutes. Set yourselves up on the stage, you are on after the commercial."

K-san nodded at the stagehand and turned to his musicians, smiling with encouragement. "This is it, guys. Give them hell!"

With that, Shuichi led his bandmates onto the stage, each retreating to their separate equipment. Hiro slung his guitar over his shoulder, having tuned it before the show started. Sugura turned on his synthesizer and prepared the arrangements. Shuichi adjusted the microphone to a comfortable height. He looked out towards the audience, who cheered with the sheer ecstasy of being part of the show.

"Welcome back to _Rage Beat_!" The announcer bellowed over the noise of the audience. "Tonight we have some special guests here to perform for us. Please welcome Shindo Shuichi, Nakano Hiro and Fujisaki Sugura. This brand-new band shows real promise, so give them your support! Here, for their debut, is _Bad Luck_!"

XXX

In his dark apartment, Eiri glanced at the clock on his laptop. Quickly typing out the last few sentences of his story, he saved his work, pleased to have made his deadline for once. Shutting down, he closed the computer and headed into the living room. Turning on the television, he smiled when he saw the irresistible smile of his boyfriend. He still found himself wondering how this man, this _boy_, caused him to fall for him so quickly. Deciding that he, indeed, did not care, he watched the performance with more than a little pride.

XXX

The audience screamed as their first song, _'Bleed'_, came to an end, the final notes becoming lost in the commotion. Shuichi could not hide the enormous smile from gracing his features, realizing that the crowd seemed to have loved their music. All doubts left his mind and his voice gained confidence, powered by the screaming fans. Our_ fans,_ Shuichi told himself. Looking over his shoulder, he could tell that Hiro and Sugura felt the same elation, judging by their expressions. His eyes met with Hiro's, and his friend gave him a thumb's up, smiling.

Turning back to the audience, Shuichi spoke clearly into the microphone. "Alright everyone, I hope you like what you hear!" The audience, unbelievably, screamed louder. Holding up his hand in a motion for silence, the noise level went down slightly. "I hope you like this next song, which was written for a person who is very special to me. You better be watching, Eiri," he winked at the camera.

Taking that as their cue, Hiro and Sugura began the introduction. Shuichi closed his eyes and concentrated on the music. Feeling his cue coming up, he leaned forward and grasped the microphone with both hands.

_**I am lost in the darkness**_

_**Between two worlds and here I'm struggling**_

_**You're the light that I've been seeking**_

_**'Cause my whole life there's been something missing**_

His voice came out strong and confident, just as he'd hoped despite his nervousness. He knew that Eiri was watching, and wanted to get his point across.

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

_**Rescue me from this black hole**_

_**That sucked me in and left me dying**_

_**You're the truth that I've been seeking**_

_**'Cause my whole life I've been lying**_

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

XXX

Alone in his apartment, Eiri sat in front of the t.v., his mouth open in disbelief. This song was for him? He couldn't believe that Shuichi would bear himself so completely. Recovering from his shock, he realized what this meant. Shuichi was his and his alone, and he couldn't be happier.

XXX

_**God I pray you find me worthy**_

_**Of the right to stand beside you**_

_**And of your truth and of your passion**_

_**Of the right to sleep beside you**_

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

_**Only you**_

_**Can make me whole**_

_**Just one touch**_

_**And you complete me**_

* * *

Shuichi collapsed on the empty couch located on the stage. He was exhausted, the adrenaline having left his body shortly after the screaming fans were escorted out of the building. Hearing each of their names being chanted in such excitement was intoxicating. To say the least, the show had been a success for the group. Shuichi was beginning to realize why Hiro had gone against his family for this type of lifestyle - it was exhilarating. 

"Hey, buddy, don't fall asleep here. I'm sure you have a gorgeous blond waiting for you." Shuichi smiled and looked up at his best friend. Hiro looked as tired and he felt - his long hair tied back haphazardly, his shirt clinging to his chest with sweat, and a flushed, smiling face. Shuichi figured that he himself probably looked no better, and was aching to get a shower.

Standing up, he stretched his aching muscles and followed his friend out of the studio, where an NG limousine waited for them. Getting inside, the two sat across from each other, both looking out the window. "So what did you think? About the whole thing, I mean?"

Shuichi offered a genuine smile. "I think it was awesome. If I wasn't so tired, I'd want to get right back up there and do it again."

Hiro was elated by Shuichi's enthusiasm, and wondered just how long it had been since the boy was this happy. Although he would never admit it out loud, he knew that the change in his friend was due to Uesugi Eiri. He silently thanked the writer for giving his friend what he needed, to be able to open up and show an emotion other than anger.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Because of their appearance today, they were given the next day off. Shuichi looked forward to spending the extra time with his boyfriend. Thinking about the blonde, he felt a sense of dread. What would his reaction be to the song Shuichi wrote for him? Shuichi wanted nothing more than to be able to stay by his side.

Arriving at Eiri's apartment first, Shuichi quickly said goodbye to his friend and walked up to the door. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, he opened the door and walked in. Before he could say anything, he was scooped up into strong arms and held firmly. Looking up, all of his apprehension was dismissed immediately with the smile he received from Eiri. The taller man leaned down and placed his lips gently over Shuichi's. When they parted, Shuichi teased, "So, I guess you liked the song then?"

"Loved it," the writer whispered into his ear. Shuichi felt his cheeks burning, but he did not know if it was from the questionable wording or from the sultry voice that spoke it. "Will you move in with me?"

Shuichi was shocked. _Did he just ask me to live with him?_ Shuichi looked at him questioningly. When the singer hesitated, Eiri lost his smile. "But, if you don't want to...I mean, I don't want you to feel uncomfort-" his words were cut off as Shuichi kissed him firmly, eyes staring into his.

"I never said that I wouldn't. I've practically been living here anyway." Eiri smiled, relieved, and gathered the smaller man into another hug. Pulling away slightly, Shuichi blushed. "I do need to take a shower right now, though."

Nodding in understanding, Eiri gave one last chaste kiss and allowed the singer to clean up. Feeling unusually tired, probably due to worrying about how Shuichi would react to his offer, Eiri decided to wait in bed. He changed quickly, pulling on a comfortable sweatshirt and pajama bottoms and slid under the covers. He put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling, picturing his boyfriend and what he was doing. In the shower. Wet. Naked. Steam-filled room. Eiri groaned and mentally slapped himself for his train of thought. He tried to think of some way to relieve his growing tension. _Mika and Tohma_. Good, problem solved.

Shuichi showered quickly, wanting to get into bed right away. He threw on one of Eiri's over-sized t-shirts and a pair of boxers before turning out the light and walking into the bedroom. He saw that Eiri was already under the covers and crawled into bed beside him. Eiri turned to face him and they cuddled closer. Looking into Shuichi's eyes, Eiri couldn't help but to lean down and kiss the boy. _Beautiful._

Eiri placed his hand on Shuichi's cheek and kissed him more firmly. Feeling reckless, he ran his tongue along the boy's lower lip. Shuichi did not know how to respond, but after a minute of gentle licks, he parted his mouth slightly. Eiri immediately took the opportunity and deepened the kiss. Shuichi's eyes shot open, having never been kissed like this before. Eiri ran his tongue over the other and gently massaged it. Hesitantly, Shuichi moved his tongue against Eiri's. Closing his eyes, he let the older man take over.

When the need for air surfaced, they pulled away slightly to catch their breath. Shuichi opened his hazy eyes and stared into clouded amber. Eiri leaned forward again, but instead of claiming his mouth, he trailed butterfly kisses down his chin, back towards his ear and down his neck, stopping at his shoulder. He gently nipped and sucked at the soft skin, leaving a faint red mark. Shuichi was overwhelmed. He felt heat flooding his entire body and his mind grew hazy. He could feel the throbbing between his legs as Eiri continued to suckle on the tender skin of his neck. Completely on instinct, he gently thrust his hips towards the blonde, moaning quietly.

When he heard the moan coming from the younger man, Eiri immediately reclaimed his lips. He placed his hand on the small of his back and gently rubbed their erections together, eliciting another moan from the singer. Eiri was both surprised and pleased by the feel of Shuichi's growing hardness, and felt himself respond instantly. Rubbing again, harder this time, Shuichi threw his head back and gasped. Eiri took this as a good sign, and discretely shifted so that he was laying over the singer, one leg in between his. He used his knee to gently tease Shuichi, causing the singer to arch his back slightly.

Shuichi quickly snapped back to reality when he felt his shirt being lifted up by the older man. Fear instantly replaced his excitement, and he felt as though he could not breath. His shirt was removed in the next moment and Shuichi could feel tears burning behind his eyes. Sensing the change in his partner, Eiri stopped his movements to look at him. His heart sank with the realization that Shuichi was afraid, his body trembling from fear rather than desire. _He must be a virgin,_ he thought. Placing his hand gently on the flushed cheek, he whispered. "Don't worry. I would never hurt you. I promise you will like this, okay? You just need to relax."

Shuichi desperately wanted to believe his words, but memories of intense, burning pain were at the forefront of his mind. How could this _not_ hurt. He had done it so many times before that it seemed like a given. Fighting through his fears, he gave a small nod. _I want to trust him so much._

Eiri continued, trailing kisses along Shuichi's now-naked collarbone. He continued lower, stopping to lick his small nipple, feeling it harden almost immediately. Shuichi sucked in his breath and arched his neck. Eiri, discovering his lover's sensitive spot, continued to gently tease the skin before moving to the other. When he was satisfied, he continued his kisses down the toned abdomen. When he reached his navel, he gently circled it with his tongue, earning a small whimper from above.

Hooking his fingers on the elastic of the boxers, he gently pulled them down, revealing Shuichi's erection. Sitting back, Eiri removed his own shirt and stood up to take off his pants. Once they were both equally naked, he kneeled down between the slim legs and trailed his tongue up along the shaft. Shuichi gasped and gripped the sheets until his knuckles turned white. Eiri licked twice more before taking him into his mouth.

Shuichi could not breath. He had been forced to give blowjobs before, but had never received one. Feeling the intense heat from Eiri's mouth, his tight lips running along the delicate skin, it was too much for him. "E-Eiri! I-I'm -I'm..." he choked.

Understanding, Eiri continued sucking for a few more seconds before replacing his mouth with his hand. He gripped Shuichi's straining erection with his hand and gave three firm strokes before the singer screamed and climaxed. Eiri continued to stroke gently, letting the younger man ride out his orgasm before he fell limply to the bed, panting. Eiri had to fight to keep control over his body with the sight of the singer, flushed and panting.

Deciding to go to the next step, Eiri coated three of his fingers with Shuichi's essence. Spreading his thighs, he gently placed his index finger at the boy's entrance and entered slowly. Shuichi immediately clamped down on the finger and looked at him fearfully. _This is when the pain starts_, he thought. "Sshh, Shu-chan. Just relax. Trust me." Closing his eyes, Shuichi laid back down, deciding that if it would make Eiri happy, he would allow him.

Feeling the muscles relaxing slowly, Eiri unhesitatingly sought out that one spot that he knew would drive his lover mad. After a moment's searching, his finger brushed against something soft. He smiled, knowing that he found it. Pressing his finger firmly against Shuichi's prostate, the younger man screamed and arched his back sharply. Once recovered, Shuichi was about to ask what the hell that was, but before he could, the sensation hit him again. Stars exploded behind closed eyes and he could feel his erection come back full-force. Pleasure filled every pore of his body and he could not help but to buck against the intruding finger.

Eiri entered a second finger into Shuichi, and began to gently stretch his opening. After bringing in the third, he used all three to unmercifully stimulate the younger man, earning several moans and choked screams.

Eiri leaned up against Shuichi's heaving chest, and whispered, "Do you like that?"

"Uggh, God..."

"I can make you feel so much better, Shu, once I am inside of you. Do you want that?"

Shuichi could not bring himself to speak coherently. Instead he nodded. "Ahh, God...yes."

Eiri kneeled between his thighs and lifted the singer's small hips. He coated his own throbbing erection with what was left from Shuichi's first orgasm and placed his head at the entrance. Pushing gently, he entered the tight space, not stopping until he was fully surrounded by the intense heat of his lover. Shuichi gasped at the intrusion, but was relieved that Eiri had lubricated himself, something that he was not used to. Eiri fought to not come immediately, not realizing that the boy would be so tight.

When he felt like he could move once again, he leaned forward and placed his forehead on Shuichi's and positioned his body so that they were more comfortable. Pulling out so that only the head remained, he firmly thrust forward, immediately striking the pleasurable bundle of nerves. Shuichi's hands flew up to grip Eiri's shoulders as he moaned loudly. "God...you're so...tight," Eiri moaned with a second thrust. Before long, Eiri was pounding into the small body of his lover, encouraged by the gasps and moans coming from underneath him. Although he did not want to hurt the boy, he no longer had control and he grabbed his hips and continued to pound into him.

Shuichi was lost. He had come to believe that sex always hurt. Never before had he felt something so intense. Pleasure flooded every one of his senses. Feeling Eiri moving inside of him was nothing short of heaven. He felt himself getting closer and closer to completion with each thrust and he desperately fought to thrust backwards against his lover.

Eiri knew that they both were close, so he reached around and began to firmly stroke Shuichi in time with his thrusts. Within a few seconds, Shuichi screamed and came in Eiri's hand. Eiri gritted his teeth as the muscles surrounding him tightened even more with his lover's orgasm. Unable to contain himself any longer, he let himself go and came inside his lover, moaning his name.

Eiri collapsed on the bed next to Shuichi, trying to catch his breath. Shuichi recovered first and turned his head toward him. He smiled at the expression on the blonde's face. His heart fluttered as Eiri turned his head to look at him. _Is this what it feels like to love someone?_ Shuichi already knew the answer as arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. Eiri managed to pull the covers over the two of them as they began to let sleep overtake them.

Eiri closed his eyes. _I never want to let this go, now that I have him._

Tears threatened Shuichi once more before falling into darkness. _Would you still want me if you knew the truth about me? Would you still hold me close if you knew what I'd done?_

* * *

When Shuichi opened his eyes, he noticed that Eiri was already awake and smiling at him. Shuichi yawned and rubbed his eyes before burying his head in the other's chest. He could hear laughter rumble from above him. "I didn't realize you could sleep so long, but I didn't want to wake you up." Eiri leaned down and kissed his temple. "I have to get ready soon, it's already past noon and I have to turn my manuscript in to my editor." 

Shuichi nodded and sat up, stretching his arms over his head. Getting out of bed, he realized that he was still naked, and blushed. He felt arms wrap around him and gave an embarrassed smile. "I need another shower."

Eiri smiled and nodded. "Let's go take one together." Shuichi quirked an eyebrow, causing Eiri to laugh once more. "_Just_ a shower, I promise."

The couple showered and got dressed. Eiri only had a few minutes to get ready, so he rushed around the apartment. He placed his manuscript on the coffee table and gathered his keys, cellphone, and cigarettes, placing them in his coat pockets. He he had just walked over to the door and slipped into his shoes when a knock sounded at the door. Cursing under his breath, he yanked the door open. "What?"

Two men stood at his doorstep, both dressed casually in t-shirts and jeans. The taller man had black, shoulder-length hair and emerald green eyes, while his companion had short brown hair and brown eyes. The smaller of the two smiled. "Hi, we were wondering if Shuichi was around?"

Eiri's eyes narrowed, feeling a pang of possessiveness. "Who's asking?"

The man smiled. "I'm sorry, how rude of me. I am Hideki Aki, and this is my friend Katsuki. I am Shu-chan's older brother. Well, adopted brother, anyway."

Eiri was taken aback. He didn't know that Shuichi had a brother. In fact, the younger man had never mentioned his family at all. He felt hurt as he realized that there was so much he did not know about his lover.

"So, is he here?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, Eiri nodded and stepped aside, inviting the two men inside. He closed the door behind him and called out to the singer.

Shuichi entered the living room, eyes fixed on the shirt he was buttoning. "Who was at the door, Ei-" He immediately froze when he looked up. There, standing next to his lover, were the very men that were the cause of his living nightmare. He continued to stare into those burning emerald eyes, not able to form a coherent thought.

He felt Eiri place a reassuring hand on his shoulder, trying to get his attention. "We'll talk when I get back, okay? I shouldn't be more than two hours. I'm sure you have some catching up to do with your brother, right?" Shuichi nodded, not being able to escape those eyes with held a warning glare. He knew that look all too well. _Don't say a word_.

Eiri smiled, misinterpreting his lover's fear for surprise. _Maybe it will do him some good to talk to family_. He kissed Shuichi's temple and excused himself, closing the door behind him.

Shuichi could not bring himself to move. Fear paralyzed his muscles and it took every effort to continue breathing. He watched as Aki walked slowly to the door and threw the deadbolt before turning back to him, smiling.

Katsuki approached Shuichi, a malevolent smirk on his face. He reached out and caressed the boy's pale cheek with the back of his hand. "Did yo miss me, love?"

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Once I got started, it came out pretty easily. The lyrics are from Stabbing Westards' 'You Complete Me'. Comments and criticisms are encouraged, so please R & R._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey, everyone. I want to thank you for all of the wonderful reviews from my last chapters, it really helps to motivate me seeing that some people are really interested in my little fic. This chapter was going to be out sooner, but after writing it, I decided that it was all wrong, so I went back and redid it completely. I think it is much better this way, and I hope you enjoy it!_

_WARNING: Shu-abuse :( probably for the next couple of chapters. Sorry, but you **did **see it coming, right?_

* * *

Shuichi took a step back, trying to get away from Katsuki's touch. Katsuki roughly grabbed his chin and stared straight into Shuichi's fearful eyes. "Now now, we won't be having any of that," he snarled.

Shuichi slapped the hand away and took several more steps, although he knew there was no way to escape other than the front door, which Aki currently blocked. "D-Don't touch me," he stuttered.

Katsuki looked amused and laughed heartily. Looking over his shoulder to Aki, he smirked. "You're right, Aki-kun. I'm afraid that freedom has gone to little Shu-chan's head. I think that we have our work cut out for us."

Stepping away from the door, Aki rounded on Shuichi to stand behind him. Placing his mouth to the smaller boy's ear, he whispered. "Now, be a good boy and come quietly. That is, if you don't want your little _boyfriend_ to get mixed up in all of this." He trailed a finger down Shuichi's cheek before resting it on his shoulder. With his other hand, he firmly grabbed his hip, pulling him backwards. Rubbing his groin against Shuichi's ass, he smirked. "So, has he fucked you yet?"

Katsuki approached once again. Shuichi closed his eyes, every drop of courage leaving him. Katsuki leaned in and kissed him firmly. "Maybe we should take a little bit of time to reclaim what's ours. What do you say, Aki? That blonde said he'd be a couple of hours. We'll be long gone before then."

Instead of answering, Aki restrained both of Shuichi's wrists and dragged him in the direction of the bedroom. Katsuki followed close behind, a hungry gleam in his eyes. Once inside, he closed and locked the door while Aki pulled Shuichi onto the bed. Shuichi began to thrash, knowing all too well what was coming. "Let me go! Eiri! Let go!" he screamed in vain.

Shuichi suddenly felt pain explode in his head. Opening his eyes, he saw Katsuki leaning over him, fist still raised and an angry scowl on his face. "You belong to _us_, you pathetic little whore!" He growled. "I don't know what kind of stunt you think you pulled leaving like that, but we're going to remind you just where your place is." Katsuki leaned forward to that their noses touched. "We have a lot of nice people waiting to meet you Shu_-chan_. I'm just gonna have to test you out...make sure you didn't lose your..._appeal_."

Shuichi felt his hands being pinned above his head by Aki. He closed his eyes and tried to stifle a sob, feeling hot tears running out of his eyes, down his bruised cheek. He could feel his mind slowly losing its grip as he felt hands rip open the buttons of his shirt and continue their way down to his jeans. _I...I can remember a time when I could make myself blank-out, make my mind shut down, if even for a little while._ He desperately begged his mind to fall into unconsciousness, to no avail. His jeans were pulled off of his legs along with his boxers. He heard the shuffling of clothes and he knew that Aki was unclothing as well.

"I have to say he looks better than he did before," Aki mused as he ran his rough fingers over Shuichi's bare chest. "Don't hurt him too bad, we need him for tonight."

"Don't worry, I probably won't last long. I've been waiting so long, after all. After having this boy, nothing else can compare. It's no wonder people pay such a high price..." Katsuki mused, returning to the bed, having removed his jeans.

Shuichi could no longer silence the sobs as he felt weight shift on the bed towards him. _Eiri...God, Eiri...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry._ He felt his legs being forced apart and a hand clamp firmly over his mouth, stifling his screams.

Aki and Katsuki froze when they heard the front door unlock. Shuichi ceased his crying, a small shred of hope entering his mind only to be cut short by the feel of something cold and sharp pressing against his neck. Aki leaned down to Shuichi's ear and whispered, "You make _any _sound and I will be forced to cut out your throat. After that, we would have to deal with your boyfriend, as well. Do you understand?"

Shuichi closed his eyes tightly and gave a slight nod. _I cant...I won't let them hurt Eiri._

* * *

Eiri ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as he turned the corner to his condo. He had been in such a rush to meet with his editor that he forgot the key component, his manuscript. Having been halfway to the cafe where they met for their regular meetings, he realized that he had left the folder laying on the coffee table and now he was running very late. Pulling into the driveway, he hastily parked behind the visiting SUV and grabbed his keys from the ignition. Walking up to the front door, his thoughts lingered to his Shuichi. _**My** Shuichi,_ he smiled. _I wonder if he feels better now that he's met with his brother. I wonder about his parents. That guy mentioned that he was an adopted brother...was _he _adopted or was Shuichi?_

He was interrupted from his thoughts when he realized that the front door was locked. _Strange, I can't remember locking it when I left._ Dismissing his thoughts, he pulled his house keys out of his pocked and unlocked the door. Walking in, he noticed how quiet it was. _Maybe they went out. But the car is still here._ He walked into the living room and immediately spotted the manuscript on the table, just where he'd left it. Feeling foolish, he grabbed the folder and turned around. He noticed that the bedroom door was closed. Shrugging his shoulders, thinking nothing much about it, he walked out the front door.

* * *

Shuichi lay curled in a ball, unable to escape the throbbing pain that remained even after the two older men were 'finished'. His mind was thankfully blank, allowing him at least a moments peace. He had never felt as dirty as he did in that moment. Not only had they raped him, they had also forced him into his own climax, deliberately molesting the bundle of nerves inside of him that caused his body to betray his mind so completely. All he had left was a deep void inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole. A few thoughts managed to break free, but to him, they seemed only like a whisper. _This...I can't escape this, can I? I'm sorry, Eiri..._

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the sound of a phone ringing. Blinking his eyes, he attempted to focus on Katsuki, who was talking on his cellphone. It took a moment to concentrate on what was being said.

"...But Tanako-san, we already have...No sir...But!...Yes sir, I understand. We will be right there." Katsuki shut the phone angrily and turned around to look at Aki. "Boss says we have to go right now."

Aki did not look concerned. "Fine by me, I am looking forward to taking little Shu-chan to our place, anyway," he smiled. Shuichi shuddered.

Katsuki shook his head. "I'm afraid we can't do that right now. Tanako-san needs us to help with a job, immediately. He said to leave the kid for now."

"What?!" Aki screamed. "He expects us to just leave him here?"

"We can't really take him with us, can we?"

After a moment's silence, Aki hung his head. Katsuki took the knife from his hand and approached Shuichi, who froze in fear. Katsuki crawled into bed and turned Shuichi so he was laying on his back. Forcing his chin up, he teased the tip of the metal along the boy's jawline. "Now, now, don't worry, my pet." he cooed. "We will be back for you shortly. Don't do anything that would make us mad." He applied more pressure, allowing the knife to break the skin at the base of his jaw. "Don't say a word about this, especially not to your lover. If he gets any idea of what's going on, we _will _kill him. Do you understand?" Shuichi nodded, feeling fresh tears slide down his face at the thought of harm coming to Eiri. "Good," Katsuki purred. "We will be back, so don't you worry your little head about us."

Katsuki climbed off the bed and proceeded to button his shirt and pull on his pants, which had been thrown to the floor earlier. Before walking out the door, Aki approached Shuichi, who had shifted into a half-sitting position on the bed. Grabbing his chin and kissing already-bruised lips, Aki chimed, "I suggest you clean yourself up, love. You wouldn't want that friend of yours to see how _dirty _you are. I suggest changing the sheets, as well." With that being said, he walked out the door after his friend.

Shuichi covered his face with his hands and sobbed freely. He knew that he shouldn't have come back, but how would he know that the two would be in Tokyo rather than in Kyoto? _What am I going to do? I can't...I can't go back to that._

Standing up he made his way to the shower, sharp pains lacing up his back with every step. He glanced at the clock on his way and noticed that only forty-five minutes had passed since Eiri left. He stepped into the bathroom and turned on the water, making it as hot as he could stand. Already naked, he stepped under the steaming mist and began washing the blood and semen from his body, allowing the water to mix with his tears. He took the washcloth and began to vigorously scrub his body, making it red and raw. No matter how much bodywash he used, he couldn't make himself feel any cleaner. _I brought this upon myself. I guess...this is all I am good for. I don't deserve anyone who would care about me. It's just a lie, anyway. Eiri shouldn't suffer from a disgusting person like me._

He paused, suddenly realizing what he must do. He finished washing his hair in mental silence, having made his decision. Rinsing his hair, he turned off the water and used a clean towel to dry himself. Wrapping the towel around his waist, he made his way back to the bedroom. He picked up the phone that sat on the bedside table and dialed a number. He gave the operator his address and hung when he was finished.

He pulled open the drawers of Eiri's dresser and removed a maroon button-up shirt and a pair of comfortable black pants. Pain still burned from where he was violated, and all of his clothes were too restricting to be comfortable in the situation. _I'm sure he won't mind._ He lifted the shirt to his nose and inhaled, marveling at how, even though the clothes were freshly washed, they still harbored the writer's scent.

He dressed slowly, careful not to cause further bleeding from his damaged body. He took a few minutes to strip the bloodied sheets off of the bed and replaced them with fresh white ones. He tossed the linens into the hamper, burying them underneath his own clothes. He ran a hand through his damp locks as he walked into the living room. There, he retrieved his duffel bag from its spot beside the couch. He did not have much with him, only a few clothes and personal belongings. He sighed, remembering that he was supposed to go to his apartment today with Eiri in order to pack his belongings, although there was not much there, either. _Can't think like that now_, he told himself as he walked towards the front door. He slipped his feet into his shoes and took a final look around the apartment. He spotted Eiri's wallet on the kitchen counter. Sighing, he walked over and opened the leather. He removed a bank card from among the credit cards. He did not have any money on him, nor did he have a credit card yet. He only hoped that Eiri would forgive him, and made a mental note to send him some money once he was settled.

He turned around and walked out of the front door. Locking it behind him, he studied the key in his hand. _His _key. Blinking back the tears that threatened to escape, he slipped the key underneath the door. He knew he didn't need it anymore. Turning his back on the condo, he walked to stand by the curb. He was sore and tired, hoping that the taxi would not take long. He knew that Eiri could come back at any moment, and he knew that his resolve would crumble with one look into those golden eyes...

Much to his relief, the taxi arrived in less than ten minutes. Climbing in, he instructed the driver to take him to Narita. The drive took about an hour, although it was much too long for Shuichi, who had to continually avoid the concerned eyes that gazed at him through the rear-view mirror. He knew that he must be quite the site - bruised face, a gash in his jaw, and wearing clothes several sizes too big for him. If his heart wasn't breaking, he might have laughed.

The airport was only moderately crowded, so he did not have to fight his way into the building. Looking around, he spotted an ATM near the entrance. He did not want to pay for his ticket directly, afraid that he could be tracked. Instead, he walked over to the machine and withdrew enough money to pay for a one-way ticket. He was thankful that Eiri told him his pin number, just in case he needed food or anything else while he wasn't at home. Shuichi battled the ever-rising feeling of guilt by telling himself that he would, somehow, pay him back.

He walked up to the ticket counter and regarded the woman who sat at the computer. "Do you have any tickets available to America, specifically California?"

The woman smiled mechanically and began typing on the keyboard. After several minutes, she nodded her head. "We just had a seat open on a flight to Los Angeles. The seat is in coach, but leaves in fifteen minutes. Will this be alright?"

"Perfect," he replied. He paid for his ticket and walked to the designated gate. Because he was arriving late, he had to rush before they ceased boarding. Although he was uncomfortable sitting in coach, so close to strangers, he was thankfully surprised to find that his seat was right next to a window. Sitting down, he sighed in relief.

The plane began the usual take-off procedures and soon the plane was in the air. Shuichi stared wistfully out the window towards the receding skyline. _It really looks beautiful from up here_, he mused. Closing his eyes, he welcomed sleep, knowing that it would be a long flight.

* * *

Eiri cursed and slammed his car door, furious. The meeting with his editor had went well enough, receiving much praise for being 'on time for once'. However, said editor, Mitzuki, decided to bring up the subject of having more of his novels translated into English for their American partners. So, make a long story short, it was well past sundown when he managed to peel himself from her grasp, literally speaking. Now that he was home, he wanted nothing more than a nice dinner with his favorite pink-haired singer. 

Smiling to himself, he unlocked the front door and entered. His face fell when he noticed how dark and quiet the apartment was. Concerned, he called out. "Shuichi?" When he received no response, he began walking through the condo, turning lights on as he went. Nothing seemed out of place at first, until he reached the bedroom. He noticed that the bed was freshly made, tucked in delicately. He smiled at the thoughtfulness of his young lover. He walked back into the living room and noticed something amiss. Shuichi's black duffel back was no longer sitting in its usual spot by the couch. Looking around, he could not see it anywhere in the room. He also noticed that Shuichi's shoes were missing, as well.

He sat down on the couch feeling deflated. _I guess I did take a long time. Maybe he went out to eat._ He suddenly felt very guilty about being away for so long, remembering that this was his young lover's day off and it was supposed to be special. The boy was going to officially move in with him today and they were going to go out to a nice restaurant to celebrate.

"I hope he's not too upset with me," he muttered to himself, resituating so that he could lay down comfortably. He thought to take a nap in the bedroom, but he wanted to wake up as soon as his koi got home, so he decided to stay there. He smiled. _How did you do this to me, Shuichi..._

* * *

Eiri woke up some time later. Mind foggy, he could not understand where he was. Picking his head up slightly, he slowly remembered that he had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for his lover. His mind finally clearing, he sat up and turned on the lamp. He realized that he hadn't heard the boy come in. Standing up and stretching, he looked at his watch. It was 2 a.m. _Maybe he didn't want to wake me_, he thought. He walked into the bedroom, and stopped in his tracks. His heart fell with the sight of the empty bed. He furrowed his brow and began to walk to the bathroom. Empty. Nothing was out of place from where it was when he came home. 

Walking into his study, he sat down in the leather chair and turned on his laptop. _Where are you, Shuichi?_ He knew that even if he had the phone numbers of Shuichi's friends, it was an ungodly hour to be calling. Feeling that he was just worrying himself for no reason, he decided to begin his next novel, even though he was given a couple weeks off, having just finished one. He needed to keep his mind occupied at the moment. He kept telling himself that Shuichi was a grown man and could take care of himself without being chaperoned by a possessive lover. But even so, he could not dispel the tight clenching of his stomach that was brought with worry.

Once the computer was on, he entered his password and opened a new word document.

* * *

Eiri's eyes came back into focus after staring at the white screen for countless hours. Not a single word had been written since he first sat down. He did not know how long he sat there, but he could not bring himself to move or even fall asleep. He could not stop thinking of where his little angel was, having not heard him enter the apartment at all during the night. He was thankful that it was finally morning. 

Standing up, he winced as pain shot through the abused muscles in his back and neck. Stretching as he walked, he made his way into the living room. He glanced at the clock, which read 10 o'clock a.m. Shuichi should have been at work two hours ago. He brightened slightly, a little hopeful that the young man would be at the studio. He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

_"Moshi moshi, Seguchi Tohma speaking."_

"Tohma, it's me."

_"Eiri," _the voice cooed. _"How have you been?"_

"Listen, I don't really have time to talk right now. I just wanted to know if you've seen Shuichi yet today. He's supposed to be there, right?"

There was a pause. _"No, actually he is not here, although his bandmates looked a little upset with that fact. It he not there with you?"_

Eiri sighed, rubbing his hand across his face. "No, he's not here. I haven't even seen him since yesterday morning. I don't know where he is."

_"Have you checked his apartment yet?"_

"Not yet, but I plan to after I get off the phone with you. I wanted to check with you first."

_"Where was he when you last saw him?"_

"Here. He spent the night again. We were going to move his things in after I got back from a meeting with my editor. It ran long, so I didn't come home until late. He wasn't here." He paused, thinking the situation through. "Actually, he had some visitors yesterday. Someone who said he was Shu's brother, and a friend of his."

_"Hmm...I don't think it would be unreasonable to check up on them. What are their names?"_

"Hideki Aki and the other guy is Katsuki, I don't know his last name. Can you check them out?"

_"Of course, Eiri. Why don't you stop by later today, I should have some information for you by then. I will see you this evening."_

Eiri hung up the phone. Moving quickly, he slipped into his shoes and put his jacket on. He did not have the time or desire to get a shower right now. He decided that he would stop by Shuichi's apartment and see if the kid was there. Grabbing his car keys, he locked the door behind him.

* * *

Hiro sat quietly in his chair, sipping a steaming cup of black coffee. He stared off into space, his face passive. The only contradiction to the picture was the slight tapping of his foot on the carpeted floor, making no sound. Suguru sat across from him, slouching in his chair, arms folded over his chest, a scowl plastered on his face. He glared at the table, as if willing it to piss him off further. The only sound in the room was coming from the clock hanging on the wall, which made an almost inaudible 'click' at one-minute intervals. 

Suguru glanced at the clock, saw that is was already past noon, he sighed angrily. Turning his attention to Hiro, he frowned. "When the hell is he going to get here?"

Hiro shrugged, placing his mug on the table. "I don't know, I haven't talked to him since before yesterday. He mentioned that he was moving in with Eiri-san, maybe they overdid it and he overslept."

This reasoning only fueled the younger man's anger as he stood from his seat. "We are supposed to be _professionals_! What kind of self-centered punk would allow his personal problems interfere with his work?! We'll get nothing accomplished working with a guy like him, he's a waste! I-"

Suguru stopped his ranting abruptly when he saw Hiro's eyes narrow dangerously. In a calm voice which betrayed his glare, he spoke up. "Shuichi may not be the most reliable person I know, but you listen to me. He is my best friend and a good guy. You have no idea what he is going through just being here for us. I will not tolerate that kind of attitude towards him, do you understand? If you are so unhappy with this situation, you can go back to playing as a studio musician, and we will find a replacement."

Suguru's face fell. Never had he seen the usually-passive guitarist with so much fire in his eyes. Although he spoke without anger, Suguru knew he had struck a nerve that he shouldn't have. He sat down in his seat, eyes cast downwards. He muttered a small "Sorry".

Hiro was relieved that Suguru took his threat seriously. It wasn't as though he bluffed, he _would _truly seek to replace the synth player if given the reason to, but Hiro was not a fool. Suguru was an unbelievably talented keyboardist and it would be extremely difficult to find someone else with half his talent. He sighed with relief, and softened his gaze. "If it will make you feel better, why don't we start working on the arrangement to those lyrics Shuichi gave us the other day? At least it will keep us busy for the time being."

Suguru nodded and stood from his seat, walking towards the sound booth. Hiro followed a short way behind. Glancing at the door, his worry grew. He knew that Shuichi would never be this late. Shuichi did not yet have a cell phone, and Hiro had no idea where the writer lived or what his home number was. Having no way to contact his friend drove him crazy. He entered the sound booth and took his guitar from its stand. Tuning the instrument, his mind drifted. _Where are you, Shuichi?_

* * *

A few hours later, Tohma sat at his desk, a thoughtful look on his face as he studied the numerous documents that had been faxed to him. "Hmm...this is very interesting."

* * *

Shuichi walked slowly up the two flights of stairs to the apartment, having found out the elevator was under repairs. He was thankful that all he had to carry was his duffel bag. Although he had slept for most of the flight, he could feel the darkness of depression draining him of all his energy. He fought to keep his eyes focused, knowing that, soon, he could curl up into the bed that, up until two weeks ago, was his haven. 

Finally reaching the third floor, he made his way down the hallway to the familiar door. Staring at the smooth wood surface for several minutes, desperate to follow through, he sighed tiredly. Reaching into his pocket, he wrapped his fingers around the cold metal. Pulling out the key, he slid it into the lock and turned, earning an audible 'click'. He pushed the door open, walked inside, and closed it behind him. Looking down the short hallway, he could see a light coming from the living room. Quietly, he approached, not wanting to startle her.

He found her sitting on the over-stuffed, somewhat torn, recliner. She looked up at him, diverting her eyes away from the thick book in her lap, a look of surprise on her face. They did not speak for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she closed the book and smiled brightly. "Hey, Shuichi."

"Hey Nikki," he croaked, his voice suddenly hoarse.

* * *

Eiri entered the NG building thoroughly exhausted. His hair was unruly, his skin pale and purple bags settled under his tired eyes. He knew he looked as bad as he felt, but he did not care. He spent the last few hours sitting inside his lover's empty apartment in a depressed state. He really did not want to leave the bed he found himself laying in, as it still possessed the young man's scent, unlike the clean sheets at his own apartment. God, did he miss that kid. 

Eiri walked into Tohma's office without a word and plopped unceremoniously into the soft leather sofa resting against the wall. Tohma watched this with more than a little fascination. He had never seen Eiri so care-worn in all the years he had known him. Realizing this, he knew that what he was going to do was going to be very difficult.

Catching the eye of the older man, Eiri cleared his throat. "Any information on Shuichi."

Tohma leaned forward in his chair, resting his chin on his hands. "I found...some information, yes." Eiri gave him a look that demanded him to continue. "Let me ask you something, Eiri," he sighed. "You said that Shuichi was somehow involved with those two men?"

"Yes, Hideki said that he was Shuichi's adopted brother. The other guy was supposed to be a friend." Eiri looked at him questioningly.

Tohma nodded. "I'm sorry, Eiri, but I cannot divulge to you any information I have found."

Eiri sprung to his feet and approached the other blonde. "What the hell do you mean?! I need to find Shuichi, and you obviously know something,"

Tohma stared into Eiri's eyes, a determined look on his face. "It is for your own good, Eiri-san. I would suggest that you know longer associate with Shindo-san. I will provide no assistance to you, and I suggest you forget about him."

Eiri was enraged. He reached out and grabbed Tohma by the collar of his jacket and pulled him to his feet. With as much strength as he could muster in his state, he slammed the man against the wall, knocking the air from his lungs. "I will not simply let this go! What do you mean, 'forget about him'? He's only been gone a day! You know more than you're letting on and I want to know everything." He emphasized his point by slamming the shorter man against the wall once more.

Tohma's face remained neutral even through the assault. "He is no good for you. I tell you this as your brother-in-law and your friend. You can do nothing to convince me otherwise. The boy is _no good_."

All of his strength depleted, Eiri loosened his grip on the jacket, trying to calm his nerves. Standing up straight, he turned and began walking towards the door.

"Eiri, please-"

"Fuck off, Seguchi." The door closed behind him.

* * *

Hiro wandered the halls, lost in thought. He and Suguru had finished as much of the song as they could, but there was only so much that could be done without the use of their vocalist. He fought to keep himself calm, although every nerve of his body twisted in worry. 

Taking the elevator, he made his way down to the lobby, deciding that some fresh air would help him clear his mind. He made his way outside, the wind gushing through his long auburn hair. He stared upwards, looking into the darkening sky. He did not know what he could do, especially when he did not know what the problem was. After several minutes, he decided to go back inside and tell Suguru that he was going home early.

As he walked back into the building, his unfocused eyes caught a glimpse of blonde hair. Looking up, he saw that Eiri had just exited the elevator and was walking towards him. Anger flared up inside of him. He had a gut feeling that whatever happened to Shuichi somehow involved the writer. When they were a few feet away from each other, Hiro's charcoal eyes burned into the golden ones. "What the hell did you do to Shuichi?"

Eiri did not reply, he simply met the other man's gaze. It was then that Hiro noticed how disheveled the usually-sleek man appeared. Taken aback, his jaw slacked as Eiri continued to gaze at him. "Do you have any idea where he is?"

Hiro shook his head, feeling as though his last shred of hope had left him. If Eiri did not know where the singer was, then who did? "When was the last time you saw him?"

Eiri sighed and ran a hand through his tangled hair. "Yesterday morning. I left for a meeting around noon. Some friends came to visit him as I was leaving."

Hiro perked at the last statement. _Friends?_ "Friends? What friends?" he voiced.

Eiri shrugged. "Two guys. Katsuki and Aki. They said that they were related."

Hiro visibly paled at the new information._ Katsuki...Aki...with Shuichi...alone..._ Hiro fought desperately to quell the knot in his stomach that came with the mental images of what could have happened. Finally finding the ability to speak once again, he looked at Eiri's concerned face. "I think I may know where he is, if he made it there at least."

Eiri's face brightened, seeming to not have heard the last few words. "Where is he? Let's go."

Hiro raised a hand, stopping the blonde. "I don't know _exactly_ where he is, I only know that it is somewhere in Los Angeles."

Eiri was confused. _Los Angeles? Why would he go back there, and without mentioning it?_ Deciding that the red-head knew Shuichi best, he urged him to continue. "Do you know the address?"

Hiro shook his head, and chuckled darkly. "No, he never wanted me to have it. He said it would just give me an excuse to drag his ass back here. All I have is his phone number there."

Eiri slumped, feeling defeated. "I don't have any way to track a number, and Tohma refused to help, even though I know he can do it." Hiro sighed and turned his head away.

_"I think I may be of some help to you."_

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. Well, there you go, another chapter done. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I will have the next chapter posted soon. Once again, thank you all for sticking around, please review if you can. Till next time..._


	7. Chapter 7

_Well, here is the next chapter. It took me a little more time to write since it turned out longer than I thought it would. Anyway, read on..._

* * *

"I think I may be of some help to you."

Eiri and Hiro turned towards the unexpected voice. K stood in the nearby hallway, leaning his shoulder against the wall, arms folded across his chest, and a smile on his face. Eiri cocked his eyebrow. "Not to be cynical, but what the hell do you think _you _can do?"

Hiro nodded in agreement. "Yeah, K-san. I don't think pulling a guilt trip is going to bring Shuichi back, not this time."

K-san tilted his head back and laughed heartily. He approached the two men and met Hiro's questioning gaze. "You mentioned that you needed his address?"

Hiro nodded dumbly. "Well, that's the problem. I only have the phone number to the apartment where he was staying while he was in America. That is the only place I could think of that he would go, but we shouldn't call him. If he thinks we're going to drag him back, he'll run."

"It will take a couple of days, but I will get the address for you," K offered, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Hiro retrieved a piece of paper from the receptionist and jotted down the numbers quickly and handed it to K. Eiri folded his arms over his chest in obvious skepticism. "What makes you think you can get the address? For some reason, I doubt that it's a work requirement for becoming the manager of a band."

K-san smirked. "Let's just say that Seguchi Tohma is not the only one in this business with...certain connections." He glanced over the paper in his hands and turned his attention to both of them. "Like I said, this will probably take a couple of days. Until then, take it easy, both of you. Hiro, you can take a couple of days off if you need to. I don't think we'll get much work done, at least not until our wayward vocalist resurfaces."

Hiro nodded, knowing full well that he would not be able to concentrate on the music, anyway. "Call us when you find anything." K nodded and left without another word.

Hiro turned towards Eiri, who had a crestfallen expression on his face. Hiro suddenly felt a pang of sadness for writer. Judging by his face, the blonde obviously felt very deeply about Shuichi, even though they had met only a short time ago. Eiri caught his eyes and both silently agreed to head home.

* * *

Hiro decided to walk home and enjoy the calm night air rather than ride his motorcycle back. He knew he would regret it in the morning, but right now, he didn't care. He made his way down the dark streets, following his feet instinctively towards his apartment. He could not suppress the overpowering dread he felt when he considered what could have happened. Aki and Katsuki. He really didn't think that those two would be around here anymore, three years having passed. He also knew that the two would be extremely angry at him for having left so suddenly. He could not fathom the extent of damage they did to his fragile friend. He could remember that first conversation over the phone, when Shuichi had told him everything.

_"America?! Why the hell did you go there?"_

_Shuici was silent for a moment, then began in a quiet voice. "I had to get away."_

_"Get away? Get away from what? You just leave me without saying goodbye! We're supposed to be best friends. How can I be a good friend to you if you decide to up and leave without warning?" Hiro was mad. He felt incredibly hurt when he found out his friend had left Japan._

_Shuichi shifted in his chair, transferring the phone to his other ear as he forced his voice to stay calm. "You don't understand, I didn't know that I'd be able to get away from them. I didn't have much notice."_

_Hiro paused, confused. "Them? Your parents? I thought you guys got along?"_

_"Not my parents."_

_Hiro was becoming frustrated with the run-around answers. "Who then?"_

_Shuichi's voice caught in his throat. "A-Aki and Ka-Katsuki." He could feel his self-control begin to break._

_Hiro was silent. He did not like the tone of voice his friend used. He could tell even over the phone that he was in pain. "What happened, Shuichi?"_

_Shuichi sighed. 'Here it comes,' he thought. He really did not want to lose his best, no _only_, friend, but he promised himself that he would tell him the truth. "They...Aki and Katsuki...they...used me. They sold me."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"..."_

_Realization hit Hiro and hit him hard. No, that couldn't be right. "When you say they used you, do you mean...like for sex?"_

_"Yeah," Shuichi's voice betrayed his tone, tears sliding quietly down his cheeks._

_Hiro almost dropped the phone at hearing the confession. Sold him? Sex? He could tell by the heavy breathing over the phone that his friend was crying. His heart broke in that moment. 'How could I have not known? What kind of friend am I? I didn't know that my friend was raped?' He knew that it was rape, because his friend loathed physical contact and would never consent to something like that. Now he knew why the boy was so sensitive to touch. Not wanting Shuichi to take his silence the wrong way, he cleared his throat. "When did they do this?"_

_Shuchi laughed darkly. "Seven years, Hiro. They would do it at least once a day, depending on how many people..." He broke off. He put his head in his hand and tried to continue. "I became...numb, after a while. It's better that way. It doesn't hurt as much that way."_

_Hiro couldn't believe his ears. He desperately wished that he had found out this sooner, that way he could have protected his friend. "I'm gonna fucking kill them," he growled._

_Shuichi's head shot up. "No! Don't do anything, Hiro...please? I don't want you to get in trouble, or worse, hurt. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me." Silence. "Please, Hiro? I just...I just want to leave that...all of that behind me."_

_Although Hiro did not agree with him, hearing those defeated worse made his heart clench. He could feel hot tears threatening to spill as he nodded his head. "I...I promise, Shuichi."_

That was the last conversation they had in which Shuichi let his emotions show freely. In the years that followed, the younger boy had become more distant, stubborn and angry. Hiro knew that it was just a coping mechanism, but it was difficult all the same. He wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy. He deserved it more than anyone else.

Hiro entered his dark apartment and closed the door behind him. He made his way over to his bedroom without turning on the lights. He did not want bright things right now, not when he friend could be in danger. What if he wasn't at the old apartment? What if _they _still had him? He kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, not bothering with the covers. He wiped his damp eyes with the back of his hand and sniffed. "I'm sorry Shuichi, but if they hurt you, I going to have to break my promise."

XXX

Eiri drove slowly, unusual for him. He could not bring himself to concentrate at the simple task. His mind refused to see anything but pink hair and amethyst eyes. Why would his lover leave without telling him? Did he think that he would not be willing to go with him?

His mind ran through the events of the day. He was furious at Tohma's attitude. What wasn't he telling him? What gives him the right to interfere with his personal life? If he had any information on the singer, he should have told him.

Thinking about Hiro's reaction, something struck him as strange. He did not notice it at the time, but why did the red-head's demeanor change completely after he mentioned Katsuki and Aki? Sure, he did not know them personally, but if they were family...Eiri didn't understand why the man would immediately associate the two with Shuichi's disappearance.

Reaching his condo, he got out of his car and locked it behind him. Entering his house, he made his way to the bedroom, hoping for a dreamless night's sleep.

* * *

Nicole wiped her hands on the dishtowel and hung it to dry. Pouring the rice into two small bowels, she took one before walking out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Stopping in front of the door, she took a breath and tapped lightly. No answer, but she didn't really expect any. She tried the doorknob. Locked. "Shuichi," she called softly. She knew he was not asleep. "I have some rice for you." No answer. "Please, Shuichi, I'm worried about you. You need to eat something." No response, no movement. She hung her head in defeat. "I will leave yours out in the kitchen, okay?"

She turned around and returned to the kitchen. Looking sadly at the bowel, she slipped it in the microwave. _To keep it warm,_ she thought. _Just in case._ She took her bowel into the living room and sat down in her favorite chair. She was not surprised by Shuichi's response, or lack thereof. He had been this way since he first arrived back at her apartment. He refused to say anything to her, specifically what had caused his change of heart and brought him back. After their initial greeting, he locked himself away, refusing...everything. Two days have passed and she hadn't even seen the boy leave his room.

Having lost her appetite, she set her bowel on the coffee table. She had come to terms with her feelings a long time ago, and understood that she loved the younger man. Not just in a friendly sort of way, either. Although she respected his need for distance, she longed to run her hands through his seemingly silky hair...to hold him close...to press her lips against his...But she knew better. She understood that she could never have him that way, and was content to just be there for him when he needed her. She understood...but it tore at her heart. To know that something was seriously hurting him was killing her inside.

_What aren't you telling me, Shuichi?_

XXX

Shuichi lay in the dark room, the heavy drapes on his solitary window blocking out any oppressive sunlight. The thick covers wrapped tightly around his body, creating a makeshift cocoon. Like a caterpillar, he smirked _ Too bad I won't be beautiful when I emerge._

He had lost track of the hours as he lay there, not knowing the time of day due to the lack of sunlight. It must have been a long time, though, as the pangs of an empty stomach assaulted him. He ignored the hunger effectively, pushing it aside. He did not have any desire to fuel his body anymore. He only wished for the darkness that surrounded him to bring dark mercy on him. The pain in his heart was unbearable, his body an empty shell. The darkness chaining him down threatened to swallow him whole...and he welcomed it.

He sighed, rolling onto his back to gaze at the dark ceiling. He wondered briefly about what was going on back in Japan. Why hasn't Hiro called? _Why would he want to talk to someone like you? He's finally gotten tired of you._ Tears pricked his eyes, knowing that this must be the reason. He didn't blame Hiro, it wasn't anything he could help. He had been defiled, and now he was just a dirty carcass.

And what about Eiri? Did the writer miss him? Did Hiro tell him the truth? _He's probably disgusted...repulsed by the realization that he made love to a disgusting piece of filth like you..._Of course, he didn't blame the writer, either. Shuichi had been dishonest, he had enticed the older man into thinking that he was clean.

Darkness edged its way into Shuichi's mind, his eyes becoming unfocused. He knew that his body was threatening him, telling him that he needed sustenance. What his body didn't know, however, was that he didn't care anymore. He had lost all of the people who had been important to him. Hiro would never speak to him again, Eiri would turn away, and he knew that if Nicole were to find out, he would no longer be invited to stay any longer. In his jumbled mind, he realized that even his birth family had abandoned him...

He closed his eyes as the darkness became heavier. He welcomed it, knowing that, at least in his dreams, he would see golden orbs looking at him, shining with love.

* * *

The shrill ring of the phone yanked Eiri out of his restless sleep. He was immediately overcome with a pounding migraine, the painful result of a mixture of sleep deprivation, lack of food, and the alcohol he consumed the night before. He rolled out of bed, cursing as he untangled the sheets from his bed. He glared at the offending object, sitting innocently on the bedside table. Sighing and rubbing his temples, he picked up the receiver. "What?"

"_That's no way to talk to a friend, Eiri-san."_

Eiri's headache forgotten, his eyes shot open. "K! Do you have any news?"

K chuckled over the phone. _"A little eager, aren't we?"_ he teased.

Frustrated, Eiri began to lose his temper. "Don't fuck around, K. What-"

_"Meet me at the studio in an hour. I already called Hiro-san. I'll see you then."_

Eiri hung up and replaced the phone. Not wanting to waste any time, he decided to get ready immediately. Grabbing some clean clothes, he jumped into the shower, washing in record time. When he was finished, he dressed quickly and ran his hand through his hair. He slipped on his shoes, threw on his coat and made his way out, grabbing his keys, wallet and cell phone on the way. Stopping in front on the door, a shimmer of silver caught his eye. Looking down, he noticed that there was a silver metal object sitting halfway under the door. Leaning down, he picked the object up, and felt his heart sink. _But...this is Shuichi's key. Why would he..._Feeling his heart clench at thoughts of Shuichi, he slipped the key into his pocket and left the condo.

XXX

Eiri made it to the studio in less than ten minutes. It was still early in the morning, just before the usual slam of rush-hour traffic. He was thankful because, considering the circumstances, he would have likely gotten himself killed the way he was driving. He parked his car and made his way inside. Cursing the elevator for being so slow, he finally arrived on the fifth floor and found the studio. Although only half an hour had passed since the phone call, he was not surprised in the least to see Hiro already sitting at a small table, two cups of coffee on the table.

Hiro looked up expectantly when Eiri opened the door, his expression falling slightly when he saw the writer. Nonetheless, he offered a small smile. "Good morning, Eiri-san." He pushed the untouched cup towards him.

Taking the offer, Eiri slumped in the seat and sipped the scalding coffee, allowing the caffeine to do it's work. "Can't sleep either?" he asked, noticing the purple bags under the brunette's eyes.

Hiro smiled weakly. "Nope."

They sat in silence for a while, each silently cursing the American for making them wait. Before they could voice their agitation, the door of the studio burst open, slamming firmly against the wall. K walked in, a bright smile across his face. "Good morning!"

Eiri and Hiro merely stared at him, making their irritation known. Hiro spoke up first. "What have you found out, K-san?"

K laughed, taking a seat at the table. "Cut to the chase right away, huh?" Both nodded. "You guys don't know how to build suspense, do you? I mean, I offer to help, go out of my way to find the little cherub, and all I get in re-"

Eiri slammed his fist on the table, spilling a few drops of cooling coffee. His migraine had returned full force and he was in no mood to play games. "Just tell us what you know," he demanded. He felt a hand cover his fist, and he looked towards Hiro, who gave him a pleading look. Eiri let out a deep breath and dropped his aching head into hands.

K, who looked unfazed by the outburst, continued to smile. "Well, to make a long story short, I have the address." He pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. "The hard part is done. Now we just need to see if he is there. I guess we can only hope for the best."

Eiri took the paper from K's hand, studying the address written. "I'm going alone."

Although K did not seem surprised, it was Hiro's turn to jump from his seat. "What the hell do you mean you are going alone? Shuichi is _my_ best friend, I have just as much right as you to go get him? What makes you think I'll let you go without me?"

Eiri maintained a calm attitude. "If we both barge in there demanding for him to come back, how do you think he will react to that?" Hiro's face fell, contemplating Eiri's reasoning. "If I go alone, it would be less threatening for him and he may just come around. Besides," Eiri met drew Hiro's eyes to meet his, "if it turns out that Shuichi is not there, someone needs to be keeping an eye out for him here."

Hiro returned to his seat. He couldn't argue, what the writer said made sense. In any case, he feared too much for his friend, and if those assholes still had him somewhere, he wanted to be the one to _deal _with them. After a few moments of contemplation, he nodded his head. "Fine, then. K and I will stay here and keep an eye out for him." He locked eyes with the older man. "Just bring him back."

Eiri nodded, and silently thanked the Gods that the brunette relented. Standing up without another word, Eiri walked out.

XXX

Reaching his home, Eiri set to work quickly. Logging onto his computer, he managed to reserve a plane ticket to leave later in the afternoon. Using the address K had given him, he searched to find a hotel that would be close to the singer's apartment and reserved a suite. He kept the ticket as well as the room open-ended, not knowing how long he would be there. He smiled, imagining himself and Shuichi enjoying Los Angeles together. Although Eiri had been to America before as a teenager, he had spent all of his time on the east coast, mainly New York. He never had the opportunity to travel elsewhere, and he looked forward to sharing the time with his koi.

Pushing his thoughts aside, he quickly began to pack a small suitcase for his trip. After an hour, he had everything ready, managing to fit what he needing into a carry-on bag. He grabbed his keys and wallet and made his way out the door. He slid into his Mercedes and set out towards the airport.

* * *

Eiri arrived in Los Angeles after the long flight and stepped out into the warm sun outside of the airport. He looked around and quickly spotted a waiting taxi and entered the car, directing the driver to the hotel. His thoughts never left the task at hand. The hard part was going to be controlling his temper. Although he was happy to have found where the singer likely was, he could not quell the feeling of betrayal that firmly rooted itself in his heart. _Am I so unimportant to him that he could just leave without saying a single word? To not even call to let me know he is alright?_

Eiri dismissed these thoughts as the driver pulled up to the door of his hotel. After checking in and being shown to his suite, he sat down on the queen-sized bed and tried to think of a plan. He could just go over there, demand to talk to the younger man. But what if he became angry at him? What if he really _did_ do something to make the singer upset enough to leave? He could always give him a call first. Making up his mind, he pulled the, now worn, piece of paper from his pocket. After studying it for a minute, he reached for the phone.

XXX

Nicole entered the apartment carrying several bags of groceries and a large box. She set the box on the counter and began to put the cold items away, smiling to herself. She was determined to get through to her roommate, and what better pick-me-up than freshly baked cinnamon rolls from the local bakery. Slipping off her shoes, she made her way down the hall towards Shuichi's room. The door was, of course, locked. Sighing and fixing her smile on her face, she raised her hand, getting ready to knock. She was stopped mid-way, however, after her ears caught a strange noise coming from the room. Furrowing her eyebrows, she leaned her ear against the door, trying to identify the sound. It was a guitar. Her heart skipped a beat, realizing that Shuichi was showing the first signs of life since he came back. She continued to lean against the door, trying to absorb the boy's beautiful voice.

XXX

Shuichi sat in a dark corner of his room, knees brought to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and chin resting on his knees. Although the room was void of light, his eyes had long-since adjusted, and he could see fairly clearly. He looked down at the notebook that lay on the floor by his knees, scanning the sloppy handwriting of his latest 'masterpiece'. It may not have been a happy song, but he liked it nonetheless. It was the only means of communication he wished to deal with. _Now and forever_, he thought.

Looking to his side, he saw his guitar leaning against the closet. He was relieved that it was still at the apartment, having left it when he went to Japan, knowing he could count on Hiro's skills. His heart clenched at the thought of his best friend. _Ex-best friend, now_. Reaching out, he fought to keep his hand steady, but lack of nourishment was making his body weak. Even so, he had no desire to consume anything that would satiate the pain ripping through his stomach. Placing the guitar on his lap, he plucked the strings experimentally, tuning the instrument to the best of his abilities. Finally satisfied, he began pouring out the words to his new song.

_**Wish I was too dead to cry**_

_**My self-affliction fades**_

_**Stones to throw at my creator**_

_**Masochist to which I cater**_

_**You don't need to bother;**_

_**I don't need to be**_

_**I'll keep slipping farther**_

_**But once I hold on,**_

_**I won't let go 'til it bleeds.**_

_**Wish I was too dead to care**_

_**If indeed I cared at all**_

_**Never had a voice to protest**_

_**So you fed me shit to digest**_

_**I wish I had a reason;**_

_**My flaws are open season**_

_**For this, I gave up trying**_

_**One good turn deserves my dying**_

_**You don't need to bother;**_

_**I don't need to be**_

_**I'll keep slipping farther**_

_**But once I hold on,**_

_**I won't let go 'til it bleeds**_

_**Wish I'd died instead of lived**_

_**A zombie hides my face**_

_**Shell forgotten**_

_**With its memories**_

_**Diaries left**_

_**with cryptic entries**_

_**And you don't need to bother**_

_**I don't need to be**_

_**I'll keep slipping farther**_

_**But once I hold on,**_

_**I won't let go 'til it bleeds**_

_**You don't need to bother;**_

_**I don't need to be**_

_**I'll keep slipping farther**_

_**But once I hold on;**_

_**I'll never live down my deceit.**_

Shuichi let the last cords trail off. His eyes were dry, having forgotten his tears long ago. A soft knock was heard. He glared at the door, willing it to burst into flames. After it seemed that no such thing would happen, he settled for ignoring it. The person on the other side, however, was not so ready to give up. A louder knock, followed by a voice. "Shuichi." Shuichi laid his head on his knees, trying to fade away. He did not want to face his roommate, knowing that he was causing her a deal of pain from his behavior.

The knocking became more persistent. "Shuichi, I know you're awake. Come out, for heaven's sake. Please, I just want to talk to you." No response. Nicole knocked louder, continuing to speak through the door. "You can't stay in there forever, you know? What the hell has gotten into you?" Shuichi could make out the slight quiver in her voice, knowing that she was fighting hard not to cry. "Why don't you just talk to me?"

Shuichi's patience wore out. Anger flooded his mind. _Why can't everyone just leave me the hell alone?_ He stood up angrily, ignoring the tremble in his weak knees. He stomped towards the door and threw it open forcefully, causing it to bang loudly against the wall. He glared at her coldly, despite seeing the wet shimmer in her eyes. They stared at each other for several moments, neither wanting to make the first move. Shuichi was the first to act, walking past her towards the front door. He slipped his feet into his shoes and began to reach for the door handle.

Nicole quickly gained her senses and followed him. "Where are you going? I thought that we could talk," she pleaded.

He merely shot her a dirty look and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

XXX

Nicole stared at the closed door for quite some time, trying to figure out what happened. The look he gave her...It wasn't that the expression was cold, as he probably had intended. It was hard to see, but she saw it. His eyes were empty, void of all emotion. Although his expression was hostile, she realized that he had nothing left inside. When she heard the song he wrote, her heart tore in half, her soul ached. Even though he rejected her, she did not love him any less. She could not stand seeing him in pain, not knowing how to help, or even what was wrong. In all the time they spent together, not once had he opened up to her. This pained her beyond belief.

She snapped out of her reverie at the unexpected sound of the phone. Walking into the living room, she picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

_"**Is Shuichi there?**" (a.n. japanese)  
_

Nicole blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

There was a pause, then the voice spoke again, with a foreign accent. _"I'm sorry. I asked if Shuichi was there?"_

Curiousity replaced confusion. "Who's asking?"

_"I'm...a friend. I met Shuichi in Japan. I just arrived in Los Angeles today"_

Nicole nodded to herself in understanding. "I'm sorry, but he's not home right now." Her heart felt heavy. "I think I made him mad, and he went for a walk, I guess."

There was a pause on the other line, then a tentative question. _"How is he?"_

Nicole could feel fresh tears threaten to fall, and shook her head, knowing that the person could not see her. "Not good. Worse than he was when I first met him. He just sits in his room all day, he won't even eat." She choked on her words and took a minute to compose herself before continuing. "You said that you are a friend?"

_"Something like that. Do you know when he'll be back?"_

"No," she answered. Then an idea came to her. Maybe seeing a friend, one who came all the way from Japan, would cheer Shuichi up. Trying to keep the excitement from her voice, she spoke again. "You can come visit, if you'd like. Maybe seeing another friendly face would cheer him up some. What do you say?"

"_That sounds good to me. I will be over this evening." _The phone disconnected. Nicole held the phone in her hands, staring at it thoughtfully. She hadn't even given him the address.

XXX

Shuichi had no idea how long he had been walking, but the sun was beginning to set as he made his way into the apartment building. He felt even worse than he did when he left, having hoped the fresh air would clear his head. Instead, his legs had difficulty holding up the rest of his body. Opening the door, he entered quietly, slipping out of his shoes. As he walked down the hall, Nicole came out of the living room and walked behind him. "What do you want?" he asked coldly.

Nicole held her breath, gathering her courage. "I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me."

"Why? Don't bother." He started to walk again.

Nicole reached forward, trying to pull him back. When her fingers wrapped around the sleeve of his shirt, he immediately spun around, throwing her hand away roughly. "Don't tell me not to bother, Shuichi. I am your friend and I care about you. I don't like seeing you like this."

Shuichi fought to stay in control. "I am not worth your worry. Just...go away. I refuse to talk to you, to anyone. Just let me be." Without waiting for a response, he turned around and made his way into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him.

He went into his corner and slumped down, falling to his side. He curled himself into a ball to hide himself away. He did not want her concern...her _pity_. He loathed the unwarranted attention she was trying to force upon him. He only wished for it to go away forever.

He lay there for some time, not thinking of anything in particular. Before he could fall into darkness, he heard the annoying sound of knocking on his bedroom door.

* * *

K exited the elevator and made his way towards the president's office. It was well past working hours, so the building was thankfully empty. He needed it that way.

Walking into the office without knocking, Tohma's gaze studied him thoughtfully. K took the seat across from him, sitting in silence, no trace of the always-present smile. After studying the blonde for several minutes, he sighed. "I only have one question for you, Seguchi-san. Why refuse your brother-in-law? What motivation did you have?"

Tohma leaned back in his seat, folding his hands in his lap. He wore a plastered smirk as he regarded the American. "I don't believe that this is any of your concern, K-san."

K smirked, expecting that very answer from the devious man. "It is my business when it concerns one of my bands. Don't be coy, I am not as foolish as some of your other subordinates. I want the truth."

Tohma sighed, knowing that K was,indeed, a very cunning man and not to be underestimated. "Do you know who Shuichi was with just before he disappeared?"

K nodded, having overheard much of Eiri and Hiro's conversation. "Two guys, Katsuki and Aki, I believe."

Tohma nodded. "Tanako Sukio. Do you recognize that name?"

K was slightly taken aback. What did he have to do with anything? "Yeah, who hasn't. The police have been after him for years. He's the biggest drug-pusher in Japan. What does he have to do with this?"

"You are partially right," Tohma conceded. "However, he is also known to have...another business of sorts." K quirked an eyebrow, urging him to get on with it. "He also deals in human trafficking. Satou Katsuki and Hideki Aki were a couple of his underlings." He let the words have their effect.

K sat with a calm, disbelieving look on his face, which soon turned angry. "You can't possibly believe that Shuichi was somehow involved in that kind of thing?"

Tohma shook his head lightly. "I don't believe that Shindo-san worked _with _those men. However, his connection is no concern of mine. What concerns me, however, is Eiri's involvement."

"Involvement?"

Tohma smiled. "Yes. Involvement with that _boy_ could prove to be against Eiri's best interest. I refuse to see them together, now that I have found the possibility of Shindo-san being connected with Tanako-san. I really don't care what his involvement is, but I will encourage Eiri to keep his distance from a boy of his...caliber."

K-san chuckled and stood from his chair, making his way towards the door. Opening the door, he paused and turned to face Tohma. "I'm afraid it's too late for that. Eiri-san has already left for America. In fact, I wouldn't doubt that he may be with Shuichi-kun right now. I would suggest that _you _stay out of it for now on, unless you want Eiri-san to turn against you in the end." With that, he walked out the door, leaving the blonde to sit in stunned silence.

* * *

Eiri made his way up the stairs towards the third floor. During the whole ride towards the apartment complex, he fought to figure out what he would say to Shuichi. Now, only a few feet away from the dreaded apartment, he was no closer to answering his question. He turned down the hallway and found the correct apartment number. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

The door opened only a second later, revealing a tall, attractive red-haired woman. She stared at him with her brilliant green eyes, confusion playing on her features. "Can I help you?" He noticed how her voice held an almost inaudible quiver, and he also noted the slight puffiness under her eyes. Had she been crying?

Eiri attempted a smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "I'm here for Shuichi. I'm Eiri."

The woman's face brightened at the realization that this was the same man she had spoken to earlier. _I didn't think he would be so attractive_, she mused. "Hi, I'm Nicole. Why don't you come in. I was just getting ready to head out for a while, but I'm sure Shuichi can handle himself with you," she joked.

Eiri took the invitation and walked in. She led him down a short hallway, arriving in a small but warm living room. Nicole walked across the room and threw on her shoes. "I'm sorry I can't stay, but I have to drop something off for my uncle. He's not one to easily forgive if I don't show up." Eiri nodded. After she finished with her shoes, she stood up and walked towards the doorway. She pointed at a closed door down the hall, making sure she had Eiri's attention. Her face grew solemn and sad. "He's down there. I don't know what you can do for him, but please try anything." Her voice cracked slightly and she paused to compose herself. "Try to get him to eat something, if you can. He hasn't had anything for three days...at least not that I know of." Eiri nodded in understanding, his spirit ached with the information. She offered another false smile before walking out of the apartment.

Finally alone, his lover only a door away. He calmed his nerves and walked towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked firmly. There was no answer. Determined, he knocked again, louder this time. Once there seemed to be no answer again, he raised his hand to try a third time. Before it could connect with the hard surface, the door was yanked open, revealing a very disheveled Shuichi. "I thought I told you no-"

Shuichi froze, having been confronted by the very man who haunted his waking moments. Eiri tried to maintain his cool while studying those angry eyes. "Shuichi..."

Shuichi broke from his stupor at the sound of his name playing from his lover's lips. _Ex-lover, you moron. What makes you think he'd still want you after what you'd done? _"Go away, Eiri. I don't want you here."

Eiri was stunned, but he knew that this would be a possible reaction, and he refused to be sent away so quickly. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"

_Because you would hate me..._

He met the blonde's gaze and glared. "I don't have to tell you shit. What makes you think you have the right to question me? I can do what I want."

Eiri was surprised by the iciness of his tone. "What right?! I thought that you wanted this relationship. I thought-"

_You thought I was someone I can't be..._

"I don't care what the hell you thought!" he snapped, hiding his pain behind rage. "There is nothing between us. I left because I had to get away."

"Get away?" Eiri stiffened. "From what? From me?"

_...no Eiri, I never wanted to leave you..._

"What do you think, Eiri? Why do you care?"

Eiri never broke his stare. "I care about you, that's what. I want you to come back."

"No."

Eiri sighed. "Then tell me one thing. Do you care about me?"

_Of course I do...I love you, Eiri...so much...but I can't let you become dirty by me...I need to let you go..._

"I feel nothing for you," he replied without emotion, although he had to avert his eyes, not able to stand seeing the hurt he caused.

"I don't believe you."

Shuichi's conflicting emotions finally drove him over the edge. Glaring at Eiri, he screamed. "Get OUT! I don't want you here! I can't stand the sight of you anymore. GO NOW! LEAVE ME ALONE!" The rage and hatred poured out of him, although it was not borne from Eiri. He hated himself for believing, at least for a little while, that he was happy.

_I'm not good enough for anyone, especially someone like him..._

_I don't deserve any part of him..._

Eiri's heart broke, hearing those words from the one he cared so deeply about. Without saying another word, he turned around and walked out the door. He made his way down the stairs, reflecting on what just happened. Although Shuichi's words were angry and aggressive, he could not deny the look he saw in the younger man's eyes. A storm of emotions - anger, self-hatred., fear...but most of all, there was pain and sadness. He could not understand why the boy pushed him away, and yet be so unhappy about it. As he walked out onto the sidewalk, he made a promise. _I will not give up on you, Shu-chan. I can't..._

XXX

Shuichi stood in the doorway of his room for several minutes, his body trembling uncontrollably. All of the anger and pain, loneliness and sadness threatened to swallow him whole. These uncontrollable emotions caused him to feel enraged, unable to stuff them back inside. Clenching his fists, he screamed. He screamed as loud as he could until his throat hurt. He hated himself, he hated Aki and Katsuki, and he hated Eiri.

_...because I can't have him..._

He made his way into the bathroom, wanting the feel of cold water on his skin to fight his hot temper. As he walked in, he caught site of his reflection in the mirror and was frightened at what he saw. His pink hair was no longer bright and shiny, but dull and disheveled, uncombed. Dark purple skin surrounded his eyes from lack of restful sleep. His eyes...

He growled, slamming his fist into the mirror, shattering it. "I HATE YOU!"

He sank to the floor cradling his injured hand, doing nothing to stop the trickles of blood. As he sat down, he pulled his knees to his chest and allowed silent tears to fall. He looked at the mess on the floor. Thousands of tiny pieces of mirror reflected the artificial light from above. His eyes landed on a much larger, jagged piece. Sniffing lightly, he reached out and picked up the misshapen shard. He teased it across the palm of his hand, eliciting a few small drops of blood. His tears ceased, marveling at the sensation. For some reason, the hurt was fading away. He drew the sharp scrap a few times across his forearm, allowing himself to sink into the pain.

Stopping mid-cut, his mind became startlingly clear. Maybe this is what he was meant to do. Why didn't he think of it earlier? A way out.

_No more pain...no more pitiful glances. I won't have to hurt anyone anymore. I won't have to see anyone...ever again._

Making up his mind, he took a firm hold on the shard, ignoring the pain from the glass digging into his palm. He placed the edge halfway up his forearm. Taking a deep breath, he applied pressure, more and more, drawing the shard down towards his wrist. He continued to apply pressure until he reached the blue lines. Blood poured freely from the vessels, the final length of cut being almost an inch deep. Switching hands, he repeated the same act to his other arm, though less firmly, his arm becoming numb.

After the final cut was made and the blood drained unrestrained, he dropped the mirror. He could feel dizziness, and a calm detachment. _This is the best thing I can do._

Seeing spots in his vision, the images at the corners of his eyes becoming shadows, he felt himself fall to the floor, no longer able to support his weight. His head hit the tile floor with a firm thud, but he could not feel the pain. His eyelids became unbearably heavy and he did not feel the need to breathe as deeply as before. His heart protested loudly in his ears, but he paid it no mind, all he could feel was the desired numbness.

Finally unable to hold his eyes open any longer, he allowed them to fall shut, sinking into darkness.

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. I'm sorry, but I had to do it...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I look forward to hearing everyone's opinions on how the story is going so far. Till nex time...R & R appreciated._


	8. Chapter 8

_A.N. Hi everyone! I am so happy that people are still reading my fic and I hope I am keeping you entertained. I was going to have this chapter out sooner, but I got caught up reading everyone else's stories and lost track of the time :-(. Anyway, here's the next chapter._

XXX

Eiri entered the dark hotel room, closed the door behind him, and collapsed on the queen-sized bed. His eyes were heavy, the exhaustion of both the flight and his encounter with Shuichi crashing down on him. He was devastated that the boy refused to talk to him. _Maybe I shouldn't have been so accusing_. He sighed, angry with himself, and moved so that he leaned against the headboard, legs stretched in front of him. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket. He knew that he should call the others to let them know that Shuichi was, indeed, where they had hoped. He opened up the phone and dialed the long-distance number.

_"Moshi moshi."_

"K-san, it's Eiri."

_"I'm surprised to hear from you so soon. Did you find him?"_

"Yes," he answered tiredly. "But it didn't go so well."

_"What do you mean?"_

Eiri rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly. He could feel the first touches of a headache. "Let's just say that it's going to take a little persuasion to get him to come back. I don't know what made him so mad. I can't place anything I did..."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone before K spoke again, uncharacteristically hesitant. _"Well, I'm not sure exactly why, either, but I think it has something to do with those two men he was with before he left."_

Eiri furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?"

_"I spoke with Seguchi-san and found out some things about those two."_ He cleared his throat, not sure what to say. _"I don't know much, but I don't think Tohma knows much more than speculation, either. All I know is that Katsuki and Aki were involved in some...illegal businesses. There seems to be some connection with Shuichi, but I'm not sure what. A kid like that doesn't seem to be the type to hang around them."_

"What do you mean, 'illegal businesses'?" Eiri questioned suspiciously.

_"Drug trafficking and prostitution...that's all I know about anyway. I tried to get more information but, unfortunately, their boss is a big player and covers his tracks better than I'd hoped."_

_Drugs and prostitution,_ Eiri thought. "What does that have to do with Shuichi? Just because he was related to one of them doesn't mean that he is somehow involved."

_"I hope it doesn't, Eiri-san. I have the utmost faith in the boy. I haven't been around him for long, but I trust my judge of character. Anyway, I will continue looking into it, and I will let Hiro-kun know that you found Shuichi. Don't give up on him."_

"I don't plan to. I will try to see him again tomorrow. Maybe if I am persistent enough, he'll give in. I will call you again when I have better news. Goodnight."

_"Goodnight."_

Eiri set the phone back on the receiver. In truth, he wished that he had as much confidence as he sounded. He desperately wanted to get closer to the boy. Their encounter, however, only fueled his lingering doubts. All of the progress they had made, all of the trust he had somehow earned, seemed to have vanished and the boy seemed even more hostile than when they had first met. His heart ached when he remembered those timid kisses, the feel of running his hand through that smooth hair, the eyes filled with emotions only he could decipher...

He felt his eyes grow heavy and he laid down on the bed, pulling the covers over himself. Closing his eyes, he promised himself that he would meet with the singer tomorrow, but he would not be so forceful for answers. He knew that he needed to gain the boy's confidence back, although he did not understand why he seemed to lose it in the first place.

* * *

Nicole rounded the corner to her apartment, carrying a large brown paper bag full of groceries. She was frustrated that her uncle was not at the hardware store like he said he would be, but rather than wait around for him to voice her disappointment, she decided to pick a few things up at the grocers. She thought of the wonderful dinner she was planning for Shuichi as she turned to key in the lock and let the door creek open. She frowned seeing the dark apartment. _Is he asleep again?_ She had thought that seeing a friend would lift his spirits, but the quiet atmosphere indicated that Shuichi was holed up in his room...again. 

Sighing, she flipped on the kitchen light and set the bag on the table. She stopped in her movements, a chill crawling up her spine. Something wasn't right. Cautiously, she walked towards the hallway, turning on the light. Shuichi's door was open. She walked towards the door, a feeling of dread weighing on her stomach. Peering into the dark room, nothing seemed out of place. She turned, looking towards the bathroom. The door was closed. She glanced at the small crack that separated to door from the floor, but did not see any light leaking out. Her stomach twisting painfully, her breath catching in her chest. She could not hear any water running, either. _Something's wrong._

She walked up to the door and knocked quietly. "Shuichi?" No answer. She knocked louder, in case he didn't hear her. "Shuichi, are you in there?" Again she met with silence. No response and no sound of movement. The silence was deafening to her. Holding her breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob and tried it. It was unlocked. Slowly turning the knob, she opened the door. It was too dark at first, but once her eyes adjusted, the shock of the site overwhelmed her.

Shuchi lay on the bathroom floor, a puddle of crimson surrounding him. He was slumped over on his side, shards of glass surrounding him. A quick glance and she recognized the pieces to be from the mirror on the medicine cabinet. He was pale...too pale...which was exaggerated by the vivid color of his blood.

Her legs felt like lead when she stumbled towards him, tears distorting her vision. "Shuichi!" she screamed, falling to her knees in front of him. Her jeans quickly absorbed the blood on the floor, warm and sticky. "Shuchi...no. Why?!" she sobbed. She cast a glance at his wrists, which held brutal, jagged slices at least six inches long on each arm. Trying to clear her mind from the shock of the situation, she noticed that he was taking shallow, very shallow, breaths. She felt his neck and was relieved to find a faint, unsteady pulse. She found her footing and ran to the living room, leaving crimson footprints behind her. She quickly dialed an ambulance and hurriedly answered their questions. She returned by her friend's side, phone in hand. Taking off her over-shirt, she ripped the garment and wrapped the cloth over his wrists tightly. The make-shift bandages quickly became moist from the blood, but she continued to apply pressure to the wounds.

In her hazed mind, she did not hear the paramedics enter her apartment. All she could see was Shuichi's ghostly-pale face, smeared with blood, and red trails leading from his closed eyes, the remnants of his tears. She did not hear the medical team as they asked her questions while they lifted him onto a stiff red board and carried him out of the bathroom. She ran after them blindly as they hurried down to the ambulance, secured him onto a gurney, and lifted him inside the vehicle. She, of course, followed after them, her hand resting gently on his damp hair. She watched, detached, as they inserted needle after needle into his arms and inserted a clear plastic tube into his mouth. She heard the beeping of the machines, but only in the very distant part of her mind. _This can't be happening_, she told herself. _This has to be some sick nightmare. My Shuichi would never do this._ She sobbed, allowing the tears to flow from her eye as she watched one of the men attach a breathing device to the broken boy. _How did it come to this..._

_...Shuichi..._

XXX

There were not many people in the large room, and she was grateful. Panic had long since left her, leaving her with a calm sense of detachment. She stared at the wall, not really seeing it. Somewhere in the background, she could hear the news coming from the television in the corner, but the words evaded her. All she could think about was the pink-haired man who managed to have such an impact on her life, even if he didn't know it.

She had been living alone since her parents moved to Florida years before. The only person she really talked to was her uncle, although her brother visited when he had a break from school. Once and a while she regretted her decision not to go to college, but then she realized that she liked her relative freedom, and she did not want to complicate her life by adding more to it. She resigned her self to helping her uncle run his hardware store, and she couldn't have been more content.

That was, of course, until that day she found the broken form of a teenager trembling near her car at the airport. She was shocked by his behavior at first, but could not quell the desire to help the beautiful stranger. Since that day, her life had changed. She suddenly felt the desire to take care of someone, to help the young man become whole. It took only a year of having the man living with her to realize that she harbored more feelings than friendship for the younger man. She yearned to see those occasional smiles that he tried to hide, to hear his voice trail softly through the wooden barrier of his room as he sang softly while playing his guitar. His voice always had the ability to incapacitate her, and she often found herself frozen just outside his door. These were the moments she cherished - those very moments that made her wish that he could return her feelings. No matter how much she wanted him, however, she knew that he did not feel the same way about her. These things were always left unspoken, but she was content just having him by her side.

_But now..._

Now he was lying in an operating room while countless doctors and nurses struggled to sew shut the seams he made in his attempt to leave everything behind. She could not stop blaming herself for the situation. _I should have seen it coming. I knew that he was being more distant than usual. I should have been there to stop him..._

"Miss Harrison?"

Her thoughts interrupted, she snapped her head up to look at the man in front of her. He was one of Shuichi's doctors, that much she remembered. His face was tired, but his eyes were collected, hiding the answer to her question. "Yes. How is he, Dr. McQuin?"

The doctor sighed, sitting in a chair facing her, leaning his elbows on his knees and regarded her carefully. "He is out of the operating room right now and has been transfered to ICU. It is hard to tell which way things will go, but for now, his wounds have been sutured. At this point we have managed to stabilize him. He has received a blood transfusion and we are giving him fluids and electrolytes through an IV, as his body has been malnourished. He has received some medication for the pain, but as of now he is unconscious."

She let his words sink in slowly, nodding her head. Making an attempt of using her voice, she croaked,"W-When will he wake up?"

The doctor sat back and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Like I said, we cannot be sure. He had lost a great deal of blood and was in pretty bad shape when he came in. His body needs time to recover. This coma may last a few hours, or a few weeks. The next twenty-four hours are the most critical. The longer he takes to wake up, the worse his prognosis." Replacing his glasses, he looked at her, a serious expression on his face. "Do you have any idea why he chose to do this?"

Nicole felt wet tears run down her face. "H-he's always had...problems. I only met him three years ago...he was troubled, even then. He w-won't talk to me," she broke off, sniffing quietly. "I'm not sure what caused him to be...this way. I...only tried to be there for him. I didn't think that he would do this."

The doctor nodded understandingly. "It may be important for his recovery that you try to identify what had changed in the last few days that caused him to go over the edge. If and when he leaves here, I'd hate to see him again under similar circumstances." He stood up, placed his hand on her shoulder, and gave a reassuring squeeze. "I suggest you get some rest tonight. If his condition changes, we will contact you."

"Wait!" she stood up quickly. He turned back to look at her. "Can't I see him? Just once, then I will go home?"

The doctor hesitated for a moment, but relented at seeing the desperate look on her face. He nodded and let her down a series of halls to his room. He stopped in front of the door and motion to her. "I can't let you stay for more than a few minutes, since it is past visiting hours. He will be asleep." He stood aside and she pushed the door open.

Shuichi looked like a pale angel wrapped up in the white hospital sheets. He had an IV running from the back of one hand and a thin tube attached under his nose, leading to an oxygen machine. She was relieved to see that he was breathing on his own. She approached the bed cautiously until she stood above him. Her eyes lingered on the thick bandages that encased both of his forearms and cringed. She lifted her and and let the back of her fingers trace his soft, cold cheek. "I'm sorry, Shuichi," she sobbed. Tenderly, she wrapped her fingers around his, desperate to feel his warmth and ensure her that he was alive. _What if I didn't get there in time...would he be..._

She closed her eyes, trying to erase the image that was forever burned behind her eyes. She remembered the advice the doctor gave her. _What changed?_ she asked herself. She did not know what happened in the previous weeks that caused him to return to America, so she could not know if something happened there. Then there was that friend.

She gasped and unconsciously pulled away from his fingers. _That man_, she thought. _He must have been with Shuichi right before. What if he did something?_ She looked down at the sleeping man and silently apologized. If she had never left...

She leaned down and pressed her lips gently to his forehead, listening to his soft breathes. _Goodnight, Shuichi._ She turned around and walked out of the room. She quietly thanked the doctor and made her way home, deep in thought.

* * *

Eiri walked out of the hotel and slipped on his sunglasses to fight against the blaring sun. It was almost noon, but he felt exhausted, having been unable to fall asleep the night before. He promised himself that today's visit with Shuichi was going to be different. He felt guilty for having been so forceful with his questions, and decided to let Shuichi tell him only what he was ready to say.

Because the day was comfortably cool, he decided to take his time and walk to the singer's apartment, which was only a few blocks from the hotel. The streets were, unfortunately, congested, as people were leaving work for their lunch hour. Because of this, it took half an hour to reach the familiar brick building. He entered the building and began walking up the stairs to the third floor. Rounding the corner he stopped in front of the apartment and knocked lightly. He waited patiently, but when no answer came, he knocked louder.

The door was yanked open revealing a disturbing site. The same head-haired woman from yesterday stood in the doorway, but she looked horrible. Her hair was unkempt, large bags surrounded her puffy eyes and her face was flushed. _Was she crying?_ She wore an over-sized long-sleeved T-shirt and sweatpants, also too large for her.

She looked at him blankly, but stood aside, allowing him to enter. He walked in cautiously and heard the door close behind him. "So, how is he today?"

Without warning, Eiri found himself being thrown roughly against the hallway wall, the air knocked out of his lungs. Spinning him around, her hands twisted in his collar and slammed him back against the wall again, a look of rage in her eyes. "What did you do to him, you bastard?!"

Eiri, needless to say, was dumbstruck. When he did not respond immediately, she raised her hand and made a motion to punch him across the face. Fortunately, Eiri broke out of his stupor in time to catch the fist mid-way and held her wrist firm. "Calm down!" She removed her other hand from his collar and tried to hit him again, and he, again, was able to catch it before it hit its mark. Having both wrist secure, he turned her around and pinned her arms to the wall. "What the hell has gotten into you?!"

Tears began to run out of Nicole's eyes and she became limp in his hands. "I just want to know what you did to him. He never did anything like this before. What did you do?!"

Eiri quickly concluded that 'him' must have referred to Shuichi, but what was it that the boy did? Locking his eyes with hers, he started calmly. "Why don't you calm down and tell me exactly what happened?"

This seemed to enrage the woman more and she spat, "How am I supposed to calm down when Shuichi is laying in a hospital bed and they don't even know if he's going to wake up?!"

Eiri felt his heart stop. He dropped her wrists and she slumped to the ground, sobbing. "W-what do you mean?" Eiri managed to croak.

"H-He tried to ki-kill himself. I...found him in t-the bathroom..." she trailed off, unable to stop her tears.

Eiri felt his world begin to crumble. _Tried to kill himself...not sure if he's going to live?_ "What hospital?"

"Good Samaritan Hospital." she whispered.

Eiri did not waste any more time leaving the apartment. He rushed down the stairs and quickly hailed a cab, his thoughts running together in incoherent jumbles. He could not help blaming himself for Shuichi's condition. _I knew he was upset when I left...I shouldn't have left him like that...I didn't know that he would..._

Although it felt like hours, they reached the hospital in a few minutes thanks to the light traffic. He quickly paid the driver and ran inside through the automatic doors. Scanning the area, he found the reception area and jogged up to the young woman behind the desk. "May I help you, sir?"

Trying to compose himself he gave a weak smile. "I am looking for Shuichi Shindo's room."

The woman typed a few things into her computer before looking back to him. "He's in room 38c, in the Intensive Care Unit. Take a left, down the hall and then turn right. You should be able to find it without any trouble."

"Thank you," he said quickly before following her directions. It took all of his self-control to force himself to walk instead of run. He turned down the last hallway and found the door marked 38c, which was closed. He placed his hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Slowly, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. He stood in the doorway for several minutes, letting his mind absorb the scene.

If he thought Shuichi looked like an angel before, he looked even more-so now. His pale complexion blended beautifully with the stark-white hospital sheets that wrapped snuggly around his frail figure on the bed. Thick white bandages wrapped around both of his arms, indicating to Eiri exactly how he had tried to kill himself. His hair was the only splash of color in the white room. Machines next to the bed, connected to the body with wires and tubes, hummed and beeped, filling the silence.

Eiri's legs felt like lead as he took the few steps towards the bed. He looked down at the porcelain face of his lover, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. _How long has it been since he's slept so well?_ He gently tucked a few strands of rebellious hair behind the small ear, running his fingers along the soft skin of the boy's forehead, which was thankfully warm to the touch.

Looking behind him, he spotted a chair in the corner. Walking over, he retrieved the chair and situated it next to the bed. He wrapped his hand around the lifeless fingers of his left hand, the only part of his arm which remained uncovered. With his other hand, he brushed his fingers over the boy's delicate cheek. "Gods, I'm so sorry, Shuichi. Why didn't you tell me? I want so much to be what you need." He let his head drop, laying it on the sheet covering the boy's stomach, allowing his tears to stain the pristine blanket. He felt his mind wander, allowing the hum and beeps of the machines convince him that the boy was still alive.

He did not know how long he laid there before the door creaked open. He did not bother picking his head up, not wanting to break his contact with the singer. However, when the intruder cleared his throat, he forced his head to the side and looked at the man. Based on the man's appearance, he immediately realized that the man must be Shuichi's doctor. When he made eye contact, the doctor gave a warm smile. "I am Dr. McQuin. Are you one of Shuichi's friends?"

Eiri nodded. "How is he?"

The doctor took a few minutes to examine the printouts from the various machines before answering. "Well, there has been no change in his condition. It is still within the first twenty-four hours, which are the most crucial. I am pleased that he has remained stable, but unfortunately only time can tell how well he will do. The longer he stays in this coma, the worse-off he will be if and when he wakes up."

Eiri nodded. "What happens if he takes to long to wake up?"

The doctor frowned. "Well, the longer he is unconscious, the higher the risk of brain damage. In that case, he may suffer varying degrees of memory loss and motor function. We can only hope for the best right now."

Eiri fought to keep himself composed. "Is there anything I can do?"

Dr. McQuin nodded. "Yes. You can visit with him, talk to him. Studies show that comatose patients respond better when they are interacted with. Many doctors, myself included, feel that they can still hear and feel you, even though they are unconscious."

Eiri nodded and looked back at the sleeping face. He heard the door close behind him as the doctor left. He gently stroked the boy's face. "Come back, Shu. There are people here who miss you." When his thoughts touched on K and Hiro, he realized that he should call them with the news. He gave the hand a firm squeeze before continuing. "I have to leave for a few minutes. Hiro is worried about you, did you know that? I have to let them know you are here." He stood up and leaned down, gently kissing his cheek. He whispered into his ear, "I'll be right back. Please, wake up."

He laid the hand back on the bed and walked out of the room. He found his way outside, in desperate need of nicotine. After lighting a cigarette and savored the calming effect. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed the number and waited for it to be answered.

XXX

Hiro was sitting in a chair in the sound booth tuning his guitar when he heard the familiar ring of his cell phone. K, who sat on the other side of the glass, raised an eyebrow and nodded. Hiro walked out of sound studio and took the phone out of his jacket pocket. Reading the caller i.d., he answered quickly. "Eiri?"

_"Yeah, it's me."_

Hiro smiled hopefully. "K-san told me that you found Shuichi. How is he?"

There was an uneasy pause, causing Hiro's heart to race. _"Not good."_

Hiro waited what seemed like an eternity, but when Eiri did not continue, he prompted, "What do you mean, 'not good'? What's going on?"

Eiri sighed. _"He's in the hospital right now. He...he tried to kill himself."_

Hiro almost dropped the phone, his heart stopping in his chest. K-san saw his young charge pale and walked towards him with a questioning look. "W-what did you say?"

Eiri hesitated before repeating himself. _"He tried to kill himself. He's in a coma right now, but stable. The doctors don't know...I don't know what set him off...I didn't think..."_

Hiro began to grow angry. He _did _have an idea what caused his friend's sudden desperation. His decision made, he kept his voice unwavering. "Thanks for letting me know, Eiri-san. Calm me the instant his condition changes."

_"I will. I'm going back in now. I will talk to you later."_

Hiro hung up, gripping the phone in his hand. _Those bastards...they did this to him._ Without saying a word, he threw on his leather jacket and began walking towards the door. K rushed to him, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. He was taken aback by the fiery look in the normally-calm man's eyes, but did not hesitate. "Where do you think you're going?"

Although his voice was calm, his words were venomous. "I am going to make those bastards pay for what they did to him. I should have done it a long time ago, but the one person I care about stopped me. I have no reason not to anymore."

K ran the words through his head, trying to come to an understanding. "Who do you mean? Does this have to do with Shuichi?"

Hiro nodded. "Aki and Katsuki...they caused him to be this way. They are going to pay for it."

K tightened his grip on the brunette's shoulders. "You are not going to do anything that could get you into trouble. Shuichi wouldn't want that."

Hiro became enraged and ripped the blonde's hands away. "Don't you dare presume what Shuichi would want! My best friend is in a hospital bed right now fighting for his life, so don't you dare think that I'm not gonna go after the one's who did this to him! They need to pay for what they've done to him!"

K was at a loss for words. He managed to piece together the information he knew about the two men and was able to get a pretty good idea of what was going on. This conclusion infuriated him. He looked into Hiro's challenging eyes. "We need to stop by my apartment first." He walked past the younger man and opened the door. He stopped when a hand touched his shoulder. Hiri looked at him questioningly, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "We need some supplies. On the way, you need to fill me in."

XXX

The drive to K's apartment was silent, both men lost in their own thoughts. Hiro had given the American a brief version of what Shuichi had gone through, and K had been respectfully silent. On the inside, however, his anger burned. He could not believe that someone could hurt another person like that. He sympathized with his singer, and vowed to make those men regret every second they hurt the young man.

Arriving at the apartment building, K led the way to the elevator and into his apartment. Hiro was surprised at how..._normal _it looked. For a crazy, gun-toting American, his place was neat and cozy. K disappeared for a few minutes, leaving Hiro in his living room to look through his collection of c.d.'s, mostly of bands he himself had managed. When he returned to the living room, he tossed an object to Hiro, which he caught. Looking in his hands, he saw that it was a regular handgun. Although he knew that he needed something to get the job done, he looked at K questioningly. "Why can't we just use-"

"These two are unregistered," he said, holding up his own gun, a smirk on his face.

XXX

Finding the two men was unexpectedly easy. While driving back to the studio, Hiro spotted Katsuki sitting at a table outside of a cafe. Signaling to K, they pulled over and watched as the man was approached by Aki. Hiro pointed the two out, and K nodded. They watched as the two men shared lunch, every smile and laugh the two shared served only to increase the brunette's hatred. _Because of you, Shuichi never had the opportunity to laugh like that_, he thought bitterly.

They watched as the two finished their meal and paid the waitress. When the left the cafe, getting into a silver SUV, Hiro and K followed, keeping enough distance so not to draw attention to themselves. They were relieved to find that the two men drove to a deserted section of downtown Tokyo, filled with abandoned buildings. It was opportune for them, considering that not many people traveled this far out of the business area. As the SUV pulled under the bridge overpass, the two made an unspoken agreement. They pulled up behind the vehicle, blocking it in.

They watched as Aki and Katsuki got out of their vehicle before stepping out of the car. They approached the two, no longer concerned about discrepancy. Katsuki was the first to notice their presence. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at the two. "What the fuck do you want?"

Hiro pulled out his gun and, before the man could react, he shot a bullet into his leg. Katsuki screamed in pain and fell to the ground. Aki immediately charged at Hiro, but was stopped halfway by a bullet in his thigh. Clutching his leg in a desperate attempt to slow the blood and suppress the pain, he fell onto the ground in a heap. K grabbed him by his hair and dragged him to lay by his friend.

Aki looked up angrily. "Who the hell are you?"

Hiro smirked, an evil glint in his eye. "What, Aki_-kun_, don't you recognize me?"

Aki looked at the brunette confused. "Do I know you?"

Hiro glared. "I am a friend of Shuichi's. Surely you remember _him_."

Aki and Katsuki paled. "We don't know where that brat is. What do you want from us?" Katsuki asked.

K laughed. "Oh, we know where he is. That is why we were looking _all over _for you." K raised his gun and shot Katsuki in the right shoulder, eliciting a bone-chilling scream.

Hiro knelt down in front of Aki and grabbed a fist-full of hair. "You don't seem too tough now, Aki-_kun_," he spat. "Did it make you feel like more of a man to treat Shuichi that way, huh? To rip apart his spirit like that? To rape him again and again? You stole his life from him, and I am going to return the favor." Hiro stood up and took a few paces back. He raised his gun and shot Aki square in the forehead. His lifeless body fell limp to the ground as Katsuki stared in horror. Hiro turned to him and raised his gun. With a single shot, Katsuki joined his friend.

XXX

The events of that day would never be spoken about by a certain brunette and a certain American. The police would find the bodies in two days time. The 'victims' would be identified through fingerprints and confirmed to be two criminals who had evaded police for two years. Although there would be a small investigation into the matter, which would warrant no suspects, authorities were relieved to have the two men off of the streets. The case closed shortly after, determined to be the result of gang-related violence.

TBC...

* * *

_A.N. I know, I know, this last part was **very **OOC for Hiro, but honestly...what would you have done in the situation? Anyway, there was more I was going to put into this chapter, but if I kept going this chapter would have been rediculously long. I hope you guys enjoyed this one, and I will get the next chapter out soon. Once again, C&C appreciated, so R & R please!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A.N. Well, here is the next chapter which, I hope, everyone was looking forward to. Enjoy!_

* * *

"You look like shit." 

Eiri narrowed his eyes and glared at the woman sitting in the chair facing him. "You don't look much better." He on the chair situated on the other side of the bed. He accepted the styrofoam cup she handed him, the smell of coffee stimulating his senses. "Still can't sleep?"

Nicole gave a weak smile and shook her head. Looking down on the sleeping face on between them, she sighed. "Every time I close my eyes...I can't erase that image. I keep hoping it was a nightmare, but every morning I wake up to...this."

Eiri nodded in understanding. For the past two weeks he visited the hospital, staying for as long as visiting hours allowed. The smell of antiseptic and alcohol no longer troubled him. Instead, it reminded him of the man that had yet to wake up. Nicole would always be there, as well, hoping that the angel would awaken if they continued to speak to him.

Eiri placed his cup on the nightstand, next to the lilies he brought the day before. He reached out and gently wrapped his fingers around Shuichi's limp hand. The bandages were still there, but weren't as thick as they were when he was first admitted. The stitches would be removed in a few days. The only thing they had left to do was wait for him to regain consciousness.

They did not speak to each other for a half hour or so, only the sounds of the machines breaking the silence. Eiri gently brushed the pink bangs out of Shuichi's closed eyes and tucked them behind his ear. _You're still so warm._ "When he wakes up, I'm going to take him back to Japan."

Nicole looked up, her expression lacking surprise. "I understand. But what will you do if he doesn't want to go back?"

Eiri allowed a small smile. "Then I will just have to stay here. I am a writer, after all. It doesn't really matter whether I work here or back home."

Nicole looked amused. "I knew you were lying when you said that you were just friends."

He looked up. "What do you mean?"

Nicole laughed lightly. "You said you were friends. But I see how you look at him, how you hold onto him."

Eiri nodded and returned his gaze to the boy's face. "He wasn't in Japan very long, as you know. But...we became close. I guess you could call us lovers." He heard Nicole emit a small gasp of surprise, but did not look up. "He never really...opened up to me, though. Not completely. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong when something was bothering him. I never found out what happened to make him this way." Eiri looked down dejectedly. "I wish he could have trusted me with that."

Nicole smiled and reached over, placing her hand on top of Eiri's, causing him to meet her gaze. "You still have plenty of time, after he wakes up. You just need to be there for him, help him through this." She sat back, an amused look on her face. "I have to admit, I am just a little jealous."

Eiri raised his eyebrow. "You like him?"

Nicole nodded. "I have since the first time I saw him, I just didn't realize it for a while. Him living with me was enough, though, and I never asked for anything more. He knows how I feel, I'm sure of it, but I guess he never felt the same way. I'm glad he found someone he could be around though. It doesn't matter if you both are guys."

Eiri smiled. For some reason, the opinions of this crazy American girl mattered to him, and he was grateful for the acceptance. He did not consider him a homosexual, as he had never been attracted to another man in his life. Shuichi was different, though. _Special_. He meant more to him than any woman he had ever met. It crushed him to see the boy in this condition.

_Come back to us, Shu._

* * *

Pain. It was the first thing he felt. There was darkness all around him, but he could only concentrate on the throbbing sensation behind his eyes. He became aware of a noise in the background, one that he could not place. It was irritating and consistent. He counted his breaths, trying to concentrate on something other than the bothersome beeping. After what seemed like an eternity, his other senses awoke. He was lying down on something firm, but comfortable, his head slightly elevated. His fingers felt cold, and he curled his fingers until he made a fist in order to preserve his warmth. A dull, aching pain laced up both of his arms, causing his mind to begin clearing the foggy haze. 

_Where am I? What happened?_

Slowly, and with much effort, he began opening his eyes. Everything was blurry at first, and he blinked several times in an attempt to focus. He was in a room with white walls, although they appeared gray due to the lack of light. There was a window to his right, but the blinds prohibited him from seeing outside. He turned his head to the left and noticed a vase of beautiful white lilies on a stand next to the bed, a chair situated nearby. He looked down at himself. He was in a bed with white sheets and was covered in a white blanket.

_Why all the white?_

His eyes fell on his arms. He saw that both of his forearms were covered in pristine white bandages. Suddenly, he remembered.

_But...why aren't I dead? What happened?_

He let his head fall back onto his pillow. Tears burst forth quickly covering his flushed cheeks. _Why couldn't I just die? Haven't I suffered enough? Do I have to be denied my escape as well?_

He cried and cried, but was unable to find his voice. His sobs went unnoticed and the silence lingered on long into the night.

* * *

Eiri stepped through the automatic doors that led into the hospital. For the first time in two weeks, he managed a restful night's sleep. Although he could not figure out why, he was nonetheless grateful. He walked to familiar path towards Shuichi's room, mind full of pictures of that smiling face. What he wouldn't give to see those eyes light up once more. 

He sighed and pushed to door open, stepping inside. He closed the door behind him and turned towards the bed. His heart stopped. Shuichi's head was turned away from him. _Why would the nursed position him like that?_ His thoughts were cut short when he saw the fingers of his left hand curl into a fist. Not able to react right away, he stood there in shock.

Shuichi had heard the door open and close. His doctor had left him an hour ago and would not be back until this evening. He knew that the person who entered could only be one of two people, neither of whom he wanted to see. _I don't want to live this lie anymore._ He turned his head and amethyst met gold. Neither men dared to speak.

_He's awake...he's finally awake..._

_How can he look at me like that? Doesn't he see what I really am?_

Eiri regained his senses and rushed over to the bed. He fell onto his knees and grasped the boy's hand firmly. "Oh god, Shuichi. I didn't know when you would wake up. I missed you so much. Why would you do something like this?" His vision became distorted, but he did not bother to wipe the grateful tears away.

Shuichi felt his heart break in two, but he did not let it show on his face. _I can't be with him. I can't let him see what I am. It will hurt too much when he finds out and finally rejects me._ He hid the emotions from his eyes and glared at the blonde. "Why are you here?"

Eiri was taken aback by the question. _Why am I here?_ "What do you mean? I am here because you hurt yourself, that's why. I was worried about you, Shuichi. I need you." Eiri surprised even himself with the brutal truth. _Since when did I begin depending on someone?_ But, for some reason, it no longer mattered to him. Without his knowledge, and without really meaning to, he had fallen head over heals for the pink-haired man in front of him.

Shuichi turned away, no longer able to tolerate the raw emotions those golden orbs held. He pulled his hand away and laid it on his stomach. "You shouldn't have bothered. I didn't need help from you or anyone else. I did what I did intentionally."

Eiri felt his chest tighten. _Why does he sound so...cold? It is as if we were never together_. "Shuichi, look at me," he demanded. Although part of him wanted to keep his eyes averted, the commanding tone forced him to turn towards the blonde. "Why can't you trust me? Why can't you tell me what's going on? I want to know you."

Shuichi felt a burning sensation behind his eyes, but fought the tears back. "You don't want to know me. You won't like what you see."

Before Eiri could respond, the door opened once again. "Shuichi!" Nicole quickly ran to the other side of the bed and fell to embrace the younger man, ignoring the fact that she knew damn well he did not like hugs. _He'll do me this favor, just this once._

Shuichi did not respond to her touch, not able to pull away. When she finally let go, she fell into the chair behind her, tears in her eyes. "I am so happy you're awake."

"I wouldn't know why." She gasped. He turned his head and glared icily at her. "Are you the one?"

Nicole furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "The one?"

"The one who found me?" Nicole nodded. Shuichi was incredibly heartbroken at what he was about to do, but he needed to push them away. He needed to protect them...from him. "The it is you that I hate most of all."

Nicole's mouth dropped open in shock. "H-hate? B-but why do you h-hate me?"

Shuichi turned his head and stared at the ceiling. "Because you didn't let me go. What the hell makes you think that I wanted to be saved? What makes you think that I needed you?"

Nicole could not stop the pain she felt in her chest, causing each breath to become painful. She opened and closed her mouth several times, unable to produce a sound. Without another word, she stood up and walked out of the room.

Shuichi did not watch her as she left. _I am so, so sorry Nicole. I don't want to hurt you, but you have to see._

He could feel Eiri's eyes on him, but did not acknowledge him. Without a sound, Eiri stood up and walked out of the door.

XXX

Nicole sat on the curb, her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She was crying so hard that breathing was difficult. She muffled her sobs in her hands, wishing for the pain to go away. She felt a hand on her shoulder, but did not look up. Eiri sat down beside her and rested his forearms on his knees. He stared into the blue sky, grateful for the clear day.

After a short while, Nicole's sobs died away and her breathing became more normal. "We both know he didn't mean it."

She looked at him, her eyes red and puffy. "Then why would he say such m-mean things to me?"

Eiri shrugged. "I don't know, but I did see the look in his eyes when you left. He's hurting. From what, I don't know. He needs some time." He looked at her. "Give me some time to get through to him. I think that if I show him that I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hostile he is, he'll begin to understand that we care about him."

"What if he doesn't want all of this? How do you know that he doesn't honestly want to be alone?"

Eiri looked away and smiled. "Because...he's a terrible liar."

XXX

After consoling Nicole and sending her home, Eiri returned to Shuichi's room, his mind filled with stubborn resolve. He opened the door to find another person in the room with Shuichi. The brown-haired man was dressed in light blue scrubs and was scribbling notes onto a chart. "Okay, now bend your right ankle...good." He jotted some more. Eiri cleared his throat and the man looked towards him. He smiled and held out his hand. "Hi, you must me Mr. Uesugi. I'm Rick, the resident physical therapist. I was just going through the range of motions Mr. Shindo can perform without help. So far, everything looks better than the doctors had expected."

Eiri nodded and took the seat next to the bed. Shuichi did not make a move to look at him, choosing instead to follow the inane instructions given by Rick. The man continued the examination for about forty-five minutes before he finally finished. Looking over the chart, he smiled at Shuichi. "Well, everything seems to be working very well, considering you have been in a coma for two weeks. I think that you should be out of here in no time at all. I will go talk with your doctor and discuss the next step. Take it easy for now, you need to rest."

Shuichi rolled his eyes and Rick left the two alone. Shuichi looked towards the window, grateful that the blinds were open. "Why are you still here? Can't you get the hint?"

Eiri laughed internally at the frustrated insult. He was grateful to hear that beautiful voice again. "I am here because I want to be. And no, I am quite stubborn."

Shuichi huffed. "You should pick your battles wisely. I won't give in."

"Neither will I."

_I won't give up on you, Shuichi._

_I am nothing._

* * *

_"When are you two coming back?"_

"The flight leaves in an hour and a half. I am getting ready to sign his release papers. The doctors are going over his medication with him now."

Hiro sighed with relief. _"I can't wait to see him. How has he been doing?"_

Eiri ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the right words. "He's been...stubborn. He hardly speaks to me, tries to avoid looking at me. I'm not sure what else to do. It's been a week already with no change."

_"He can be stubborn, that's just how he is. Just...show him that you're there...you know?"_

"I know, Hiro. As stubborn as he may be, I can be even more, given the right situation."

Hiro laughed. _"Alright, alright. Just give me a call when you two get home."_

"Yeah. Maybe seeing you and K-san will have a positive effect on him."

_"I hope so. Hey, I gotta go, Suguru is gonna have a breakdown if I don't at least pretend to get some work done. Tell Shuichi 'hi' for me."_

"I will."

Eiri closed his phone and leaned against the wall, not looking at anything in particular. His thoughts, of course, lingered on Shuichi. For the past three weeks, and more pronounced in the last, he wracked his brain trying to figure out what was going on in the boy's mind. Although Eiri did not want to push him, Shuichi's evasive behavior was incredibly frustrating. The more he tried to get closer to the boy, the farther away he seemed. His decision to stay by his side never wavered, however. He only hoped that, with time, he would find out what was wrong.

Sighing, he walked into the hospital and made his way to the front desk. There, he filled out the patient discharge forms and the receptionist quickly filed them. He walked back to Shuichi's room to find the boy sitting on his bed, staring out the window. The morning sunlight made his hair shine ans sparkle, casting a golden glow on his porcelain skin. The effect was nothing short of ethereal, supporting Eiri's opinion that the boy was, indeed, and angel.

Shuichi, sensing Eiri's presence, turned his head towards the older man. He could see the longing in his eyes and he found himself, once again, silently apologizing. Instead of voicing this, he stood up and walked towards the door. "Time to go?"

Eiri nodded and led the way outside and into the taxi. Eiri instructed the driver to take them to the airport.

They rode in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Shuichi's gaze lingered outside, not really seeing anything. A part of him was apprehensive about returning to Japan, especially after what happened before he left. These fears, however, were overcome by another, unfamiliar train of thought. A part of him didn't care what happened when they got home.

_Let them have me...I don't deserve any better. Let them hurt me...I deserve no less._

* * *

Eiri turned the key in the lock, earning an audible click. With an inward smile, he pushed the door open and walked inside. _Home sweet home_, he thought. He was very relieved to finally be back home after almost a month in America. He was hoping that Shuichi felt the same way. 

Shuichi followed him inside and closed the door behind him. He set his duffel bag to the side and walked towards the living room. "I'm going to take a shower." Without waiting for a reply, he entered the bathroom and locked the door firmly behind him. He closed his eyes and slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor, knees drawn to his chest. He looked around the bathroom, noticing how immaculate the writer kept the room. _Why am I even here?_ He could not find the answer to that.

Feeling a headache threatening to surface, he stood up and turned on the shower. He began taking his clothes off and set them in a pile beside the counter. Looking up, he caught his reflection in the mirror. His face was paler than usual and his hair no longer had the silky sheen it once did. As he looked at himself, he couldn't help but feel completely disgusting. How many men have touched him? How many phantom bruised were there on his body? He could not fight the feeling of being absolutely _dirty_.

Tearing his eyes away, he walked back to the shower. After adjusting the temperature, he stepped inside and allowed the water to saturate his pink hair, creating a waterfall down past his shoulders. Without thinking, he turned the hot water higher and took the washcloth from the holder. Applying a generous amount of soap, he began to scrub furiously at his body.

_I need to erase everything..._

Shuichi spent an hour 'cleansing' himself vigorously before his exhausted body threatened to give out on him. Tears washed away with the forceful stream, he knelt down onto the hard tile floor. The water had lost it's heat long ago, but the cool liquid soothed his aching and raw skin.

_It's not enough._

He heard a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a worried "Shuichi?"

"I'm getting out," he yelled back. Standing up, he turned the water off and reached for a clean towel. Quickly drying himself, he found a black robe hanging on the back of the door and wrapped it around himself. He avoided glancing in the mirror as he gathered up his clothes and walked towards the door. Pulling the door open, he was faced with a worried-looking Eiri. He struggled to keep his face calm as those beautiful eyes carefully studied him. Narrowing his eyes, Shuichi glared at him. "I didn't do anything, if that's what you're thinking."

Eiri quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to make the boy feel more uncomfortable. "I made a quick dinner, it's in the kitchen."

Shuichi turned away and walked towards the bedroom, which Eiri offered to him while he stayed here. "I'm not hungry," he said, before closing the door behind him.

Shuichi looked around the room. In his mind's eye, he could still see what had happened the last time he was locked in this room. As if he was seeing it from someone else's point of view, he replayed the events over and over again in his head. Behind the safety of the closed door, he allowed the tears to flow from his eyes. _It's my fault...all my fault._ He dropped his clothes by the door and walked to the bed, falling onto the cool sheets. He crawled upwards so he could lay on the pillows. He inhaled deeply, intoxicated by the scent that was unique to Eiri. His mind wandered to that night they spent together. He felt ashamed that he had not been pure for the only person he had fallen for. _How many men has there been? I think I stopped counting long ago._

_I can't keep going like this...they will all turn away in the end, anyway._

_I wonder when _they_ will come for me again. This time...I won't fight them.  
_

XXX

Eiri could not bring himself to touch the plate of food in front of him. Neither of them had eaten on the plane, so he knew that Shuichi had to be hungry. He sighed in frustration. _Why is he being so stubborn?_ Finally giving up, he took his plate into the kitchen and wrapped it up before putting it in the fridge. Walking back towards the living room, he spotted Shuichi's bag sitting by the door and remembered something. Retrieving the bag, he opened the zipper and took out a small white paper bag. He removed the two pill bottles - one an antidepressant and the other a bottle of sleeping pills.

Deciding that he would keep the sleeping pills where Shuichi would not be able to find them, just in case he was tempted to take the whole bottle, he walked towards the closed bedroom door. He knocked lightly.

"I told you, I'm not hungry."

"Shuichi, open up. You have to take this medication. The doctor said it will help you," Eiri said, almost pleading.

Shuichi tried to bury his head in the pillow. "Go away, I don't want them," he said loud enough to be heard.

"Shuichi!" Eiri yelled, but received no response. He tried the knob, a faint speck of hope, but it was locked. Sighing in defeat, he decided not to push the boy too much...for now.

He walked into the living room and sat on the couch, placing the small bottles on the table. He picked up his cell phone from where he left it on the end-table and dialed a number.

_"Hey, Eiri! Are you guys home already?"_

"Yeah, we got back a little while ago."

_"That's great! I will be right over."_

"Wait, Hiro. I don't think that would be a good idea right now."

There was a pause. _"What do you mean? What's wrong?"_

Eiri massaged his left temple with his index finger. "He's being...difficult. He's currently locked himself in the bedroom."

Hiro sighed. _"Alright, I understand. Talk with him tonight, but I'm coming over in a day or so. Maybe with the both of us, he will start to cheer up."_

"Hm," Eiri grunted before hanging up.

Feeling the effects of jet lag mixed with preexisting sleep deprivation, he laid down on the couch and quickly succumbed to a restless sleep.

* * *

Hiro closed the door quietly behind him and joined his friend in the living room. He sat next to the blonde and leaned his head back against the pillows. Said blonde smoked in silence, not glancing up at his guest. "No luck?" 

Hiro shook his head sadly. "I don't know what else to do. He looks really terrible, Eiri." He turned his head to look at the older man. "You said he's hardly eaten anything in the past two weeks? Hasn't even left the room?"

Eiri nodded, solemnly. "He only eats a bite here and there, and I can tell he's lost a lot of weight. He won't take his medication, he won't even say more than two words to me. He only leaves the room to use the bathroom, but locks himself inside."

Hiro stared blankly at his lap. He was truly worried about his friend. For the past week, his friend had been more distant than he had ever been. He was not sleeping, not eating, and kept the bedroom dark. Overall, Shuichi gave the appearance of the walking dead. _How can I get through to him? I even told him that he doesn't even have to worry about _them _anymore. That only seemed to make him more upset. Why?_ He was at a loss of what to do, but his exhausted mind did not offer any help. Yawning, he stretched his legs and stood up. "I gotta go home. I will be back tomorrow afternoon."

Eiri nodded, but did not follow him out, formalities forgotten days ago. His frustration was reaching it's peak, his temper drawn taut. He was out of ideas. He had tried pleading, sweet-talking, even the cold-shoulder, hoping that Shuichi would show some kind of emotion. He did not want to be angry at the boy, but there was only so much one person could take. _What else can I do?_

XXX

Shuichi stared at the dark ceiling. His vision was blurry from lack of sleep. He couldn't help it, every time he closed his eyes, he saw a pair of concerned golden eyes. He hated the fact that he was causing his love so much irritation, but it was for the best. He could feel his mind becoming incoherent, his body in desperate need of sustenance. _With just a little more time, I won't have to worry anymore._

Rolling to his side, he slipped out of bed. Taking a moment to allow his legs to adjust to the weight of his body, he took deliberate steps towards the door. _I'm even causing Hiro trouble. He said that he 'took care' of them...they aren't coming for me anymore. Why doesn't that make me feel better._ A delirious chuckle escaped his lips. _Because I can't take back everything I'd done...can't redeem myself._

He numbly unlocked the door and pulled it open. The brightness of the light stung his eyes and made them water slightly, adding to his slight disorientation. He turned to the right and began walking towards the bathroom. _I need to clean myself again._

He stopped when he caught movement a few steps in front of him. Looking up, his eyes locked with Eiri's. The man had a determined look on his face and had his arms crossed over his chest. "We need to talk, Shu."

Scoffing, Shuichi attempted to walk around him, but was stopped before he took a second step. "Get out of my way," his voice cracked.

Eiri placed his hands on the smaller man's shoulders in an attempt to gain his attention. "No, not anymore, Shu. You are going to tell me, right now."

"Don't touch me!" he screamed, pulling away from the man's grasp. He stumbled a little, but caught himself and glared at the other man. "Get the hell away from me?!"

Eiri held his gaze. "I won't do that, Shu."

Shuichi became angry in an instant, fueled by his self-inflicted deprivation. "Leave me the hell alone. Can't you see that I don't care? Why can't you quit bothering me?!"

Eiri's face remained determined. "I want to know what's wrong with you."

Shuichi laughed darkly. "Whats wrong with me? _What's wrong with me_?! What _isn't _wrong with me? Why do you even care?" Shuichi could feel the familiar burning sensation behind his eyes and could not stop his body from trembling. He could feel his mind begin to crack, his mask breaking. He wanted to yell, to scream, to make the man see everything that was wrong with him and give him every reason to abandon him.

"I care because I care about you, Shu. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on." Eiri took a step towards him.

Shuchi desperately wanted to get away from the situation. He did not want his vulnerability to show. Turning his back, he made his way towards the bedroom. "Don't bother, you don't need to fix me."

Eiri could no longer keep his passive facade. His temper had reached its limit and his anger rose to the surface. "Don't you walk away from me!" He quickly closed the distance, grabbed Shuichi's shoulder and spun him around to face him. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?! There are people who care about you, why do you have to be so fucking selfish?!"

Shuichi felt himself break. "Selfish?! _Selfish_?! Don't you presume to know how I feel! You have no idea what I've done! You have no idea what I've gone through!" He threw the Eiri's hand away. "If you knew who I really am, you wouldn't want to touch me so casually."

"Then tell me," Eiri replied firmly.

"I was raped, goddamnit!" Shuichi's mouth dropped open in shock after realizing what he had said. The world was spinning and he had no control over it. All of his walls were falling down around him, turning to dust.

Eiri was dumbstruck. "Raped? Who? When?"

Shuichi, too weak to stand any longer, fell to his knees and lowered his head in his hands. "Every day for seven years. Who? I didn't know half of them." Eiri did not say a word, trying to process the information. "They sold me. I couldn't fight them. I _let_ them be paid for me. I never fought back" He could not stop the tears from soaking his face despite his tightly-closed eyes. "Aki and Katsuki...just before I left...they raped me again. They said that they would take me away. I couldn't stay." He trembled, waiting for the rejection he knew was sure to come.

Eiri tried to work through the confession, unable to move. Finally, everything made sense to him, and he became very angry at himself. _Aki and Katsuki...they did this to him. Sold him?! _He was ashamed at once. _When they came...I practically fed Shuichi to them. I should have known. This is my fault.  
_

Although he was not sure how he felt about the situation, one thing was crystal clear. Lowering himself to his knees, he gently removed Shuichi's hand from his face and cupped his cheek, bringing his face to eye-level. Confused as the soft touch, Shuichi opened his puffy eyes. Eiri gave a reassuring smile. "Thank you for telling me this. Now you have no reason to push me away."

Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "W-what? What...you would still w-want me?"

Eiri smiled and nodded. "Why in the world would I give someone like you up?"

Shuichi sobbed. "I can never be...I'm...so dirty...s-so many times...why would you want to touch me anymore?"

He gently brushing his thumb over Shuchi's cheek to wipe away some of the tears. Leaning forward, he placed a chaste kiss on the boy's forehead. "An angel could never be dirty. I don't feel any differently about you, except for the fact that I want to protect you even more. I won't let anything like that happen to you ever again."

Shuichi felt his heart swell, making it difficult for him to breath. _He...still wants me? Even after I told him?_ "Why do you say things like that? I shouldn't mean anything to you, I don't deserve it."

Eiri leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on those very lips that infatuated him. "You mean so much to me, Shu. You do because I love you."

Fresh tears fell from the boy's amethyst eyes, but they were tears of relief and happiness. It had been so long since someone had said those words with such sincerity and devotion, not since before his birth parents had died. Looking into those deep golden pools, he could not stop a smile from appearing on his face. "You mean it?"

Eiri nodded and traced his fingers over the flushed cheek. "Always."

Shuichi allowed the larger man to engulf him in his warm embrace. The strong arms wrapped around his delicate frame, making him feel unbelievably protected. He breathed deeply, enjoying the warmth of his beloved. "I love you too, Eiri."

TBC

* * *

_A.N. As you can see, I had a major fluff-attack at the end of this chapter, but I felt that it was only right since the rest of the story was pretty gloomy. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. There will only be one more, which will serve much as an epilogue and will probably be all mushy. Anyway, please review!_


	10. Epilogue

_Well, here it is, the final chapter. As I warned before, there is a LOT of fluff in this one, especially from Eiri (gasp!). It only took me about two hours to write, and I hope you don't mind the songs. I feel that adding lyrics can really set the mood and get a point across. Anyway, here you go..._

* * *

Shuichi's POV 

The roar of the audience could be heard even through the many walls that separated them from my dressing room. The screams and cheers never fail to send chills down my spine, effectively stimulating an overwhelming release of adrenaline. I try to calm my nerves. This is our last concert here in Tokyo before our first nine-month international tour and I want to make it unforgettable.

My eyes are drawn towards the door leading out of this small room. _Where is he?_ Eiri was supposed to be here an hour ago. Although I will never admit it out loud, but I have come to depend on my lover's comforting reassurance before each one of my performances. Without having to say a word, he gives me unsurpassed confidence in myself and, more times than not, I find myself desperate to do my best just for him.

I am not saying that everything had been easy between us since that night a year ago. In fact, the first few months following my breakdown were very hard on both of us. I can still remember the 'morning after' as if it were yesterday.

FLASHBACK

I awoke feeling strangely warm and comfortable. The room was still dark, but the faint traces of dawn cast a glow on the white walls. At first, I was confused, but realization quickly set in. I became aware of an arm draped over my bare waist. I looked to my left.

_Eiri_.

I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I remembered the words he spoke to me so tenderly the night before. _It can't be true. With knowing everything, how can he still say those things to me? Maybe it was just pity_.

My heart stopped when that thought crossed my ming. _That's it...he pities me. Why else would he have made love to me last night? No one can possibly love me_.

Quietly, I slipped out from under the limb and crawled out of the bed. Giving a quick look over my shoulder to make sure I didn't wake him, I opened the bedroom door and walked out. I closed the door behind me without making a sound and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I walked inside and without turning on the light I closed the door behind me. Although everything was as it always was, it looked strangely foreign to me. _I don't belong here_.

I walked to the far corner and sank down, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. I allowed a few stray tears to fall, but I did not have the energy for a fresh round. I felt so empty. _If Eiri pities me, I am just causing him more problems. I should leave_. I knew that I did not have the strength to try to kill myself again, at least not now. Everything seemed hopeless.

I am not sure how long I sat there, but the light filtering in through the window shimmered off of the mirror, causing rainbows of light to dance on the floor. I heard the sound of soft steps a few seconds before a knock sounded at the door.

"Shuichi?"

My heart sank. He sounded so worried. I felt horrible for causing him so much trouble.

When I did not respond, the door opened and my lover walked in, eyes darting quickly in search of me. I did not look up when he approached me. he sighed sadly and crouched down to my level. He reached out and placed his hand under my chin, gently forcing me to look at him. I could not recognize the look he gave me, but the warmth of his hand on my face was comforting.

"What are you doing in here, Shu?" he asked quietly.

I tried to look away, but he would not let go of my chin. I guess he wanted an honest answer. "I don't want to cause you any more trouble."

He looked confused for a moment. "Trouble? Since when do you cause trouble?"

I scoffed, although my heart was not in it. "I don't need your pity. I will leave as soon as I get dressed."

His eyes changed from confused to a little stunned. "Why do you think I pity you? I would never do that, that is not what you need. You aren't going anywhere, Shu. I told you last night, I need you here. I love you."

I finally managed to turn my head and stared blankly at the white wall. "How...how can you love someone like me? Why would you even want to touch me?"

I heard a small laugh escape his lips and turned back to him. Smiling, he ran his fingers over my cheek gently. "I usually have to fight myself to keep my hands _off _of you, Shu. I _do _love you. Everything about you...I find perfect." He leaned forward and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. He pressed his soft lips against mine in a chaste kiss. Pulling away, his eyes were so warm. "I want you to stay, Shuichi."

I could feel the sincerity in his voice and I could feel my cheeks flush. "I want to stay with you, but..."

He shook his head slightly. "It will be hard to get past everything that's happened, but I will be here for you."

FLASHBACK END

Eiri had kept his promise from that night. Ever since then, he is always there when I need him. I know that I take more than I give, but it does not seem to bother him. In fact, he always seems ready to give more and more. I have gained a part of myself I never knew was there. Sure, the medication to help my depression plays its part, but it was mostly my blonde love.

A gentle tap sounded on my door. "Five minutes!"

I push aside my memories and stand up. I walk over to the mirror and give myself a quick once-over. Even now, I don't feel quite comfortable in the stage costumes I have to wear. The black leather pants clung tightly to my form, the silky black, sleeveless shirt was fitting and ended above my navel. I wore a black leather dog collar around my neck and a leather buckle bracelet around my left wrist. My eyes were lined in black with a little silver shadow above. My hair was given what the stylist called a 'wet look', although I don't know what the point is. I sweat so much on stage that it wouldn't make a difference. I know that Eiri loves seeing me like this, and I can't help but smile a little. I felt an ache, and realized that he was still not here.

I sigh in defeat. I know that I can't put the show off just because one, however important, person did not show up. I walked towards the door and open it, finding that Hiro and Suguru were already waiting for me. I give Hiro a smile and he grins back. I can tell he is excited. Even Suguru looks...content.

"Come on buddy, the opening band is coming off." Hiro places his hand on my shoulder as we walk. I know that my acceptance of his affection is very significant to Hiro, and I am glad that I have overcome my problems enough to allow such closeness. It is the least I can do for my best friend and confidant.

We make it to the side of the stage just as the opening band is walking off. I hear our band being announced, followed by the intense screaming of our names. I feel my heartrate increase and the tightening of the hand on my shoulder confirms that Hiro feels the same way. This is what he lives for, and it is slowly becoming who _I _am, as well.

Taking our cue, we walk onto the stage.

* * *

Eiri POV 

"Shit, shit, shit..." I can't believe I am late. In the past year, I had never been late to one of Shu's concerts or appearances. Why, tonight of all nights, did everything have to be so behind schedule. I shift gears and floor my Mercedes. I am thankful that there is no traffic tonight. Even though I am cursing myself for being late, I know that it is well worth it. I can't stop the smile from escaping my lips. I know that Shuichi will love it.

I have to admit, our relationship has grown into something neither of us had expected. I can't even remember what my life was like before I met him, and I would never dream of giving him up. We've had our share of ups and downs, but we managed to work past all of that. We have reached a point of stability right now, and tomorrow we will be leaving to go on his international tour. Yes, I am going with him. I don't think I would be able to go without him for more than half a year, although I would never tell that to anyone. Besides, I can always take my work with me. My editor was very understanding when I told her I would be traveling, and seemed even more excited when I told her where I was going. She has been very supportive of our relationship from the very beginning. In fact, even the public seemed to accept it readily. Although we run into the occasional homophobic asshole, I would never want to keep our relationship a secret. We avoid being bombarded by the press by doing a fair share of live interviews, both individually as well as together. I don't mind, really. I am more than willing to show everyone that Shuichi belongs to me.

I make my turn and I can see the concert house come into view. I know that Tohma had reserved parking for me, and I am relieved after seeing the congested lot. I know that he is still trying to get into my good graces after the stunt he pulled last year. I chuckle, remembering when I gave him that black eye after confronting him the day after Shuichi confessed to me. He should have known I would be angry after he withheld that kind of information.

I pull into the spot, just outside of the exit doors, and quickly get out of my car. I practically run through the front doors. I can hear the crowd chanting my lover's name, and I feel incredibly proud. No matter how many women or men want him, he is mine.

Yeah, I know I am a little possessive...okay, _very _possessive...but wouldn't you be?

I'm not able to push through the crowd to get to the stage, so I settle for standing in the back. I know that he will see me, anyway. That's just how he is.

The lights dim and I see the three figures walk onto the stage. I find it hard to breathe after my eyes landed on my beautiful lover. I fight to keep my hormone levels in check as I stare at the walking wet dream that is Shuichi. _I wonder if I can talk him into wearing those pants more often..._

I can see his eyes scan the crowd. They finally land on me. His face breaks into a smile and I can almost see his eyes sparkle with happiness and relief. I feel a pang of regret knowing I have caused him to worry, but I know that he will forgive me later.

My boy picks up the microphone and speaks to the audience. "Hi, everybody! I am so happy you all came here tonight (more screams). As you know, this is our last Tokyo concert for the next nine months. I hope you love what we have for you tonight (more screams). This first song is one I just wrote, and it is for someone very special to me."

My pulse quickens. I am finally going to hear what he has been working on for the past two weeks. He had been very secretive about the lyrics and it has sparked my interest. I can't complain, however, seeing as how I have been working on a 'project' of my own.

I can hear the melody starting with a slow strum of strings from Hiro. I can tell that it is going to be a soft song. After a few cords, Shuichi places his lips near the microphone.

_**Find me here**_

_**And speak to me**_

_**I want to feel you**_

_**I need to hear you**_

_**You are the light**_

_**That's leading me**_

_**To the place**_

_**Where I find peace again**_

He pulls back slightly, licking his dry lips. Even from this distance, I can see that his eyes are fixed on me and me alone.

_**You are the strength**_

_**That keeps me walking**_

_**You are the hope**_

_**That keeps me trusting**_

_**You are the life**_

_**To my soul**_

_**You are my purpose**_

_**You're everything**_

The melody is met with some soft piano sounds from the synthesizer.

_**And how can I**_

_**Stand here with you**_

_**And not be moved by you**_

_**Would you tell me**_

_**How could it be**_

_**Any better than this, yeah**_

I hear the power of his words and I find it hard to breathe. God, how I love this boy.

_**You calm the storms**_

_**And you give me rest**_

_**You hold me in your hands**_

_**You won't let me fall**_

_**You still my heart**_

_**And you take my breath away**_

_**Would you take me in**_

_**Take me deeper than this**_

_**  
And How can I**_

_**Stand here with you**_

_**And not be moved by you**_

_**Would you tall me**_

_**How could it be**_

_**Any better than this**_

The melody becomes stronger with the addition of drum sounds from Suguru.

_**Cause you're all I want**_

_**You're all I need**_

_**You're everything**_

_**Everything**_

_**You're all I want**_

_**You're all I need**_

_**You're everything**_

_**Everything**_

_**  
And how can I**_

_**Stand here with you**_

_**And not be moved by you**_

_**Would you tell me**_

_**How could it be**_

_**Any better than this**_

I drive us back to the apartment after the show. He is being very quiet and I can tell that he is exhausted. More than that, I can tell that he is a little nervous. I know that he wants some reassurance from tonight's show. Without taking my eyes off of the road, I reach over and place my hand on top of his, which is on his lap. I can see from the corner of my eye that he has turned towards me questioningly. I smile slightly. "You were great tonight." I can see his smile, although he does not respond. He places his hand over mine and leans his head on the window.

I try to calm my nerves. I know that what awaits at home is very important. Although I have confidence in our relationship, I am still worried that he will reject me. I am worried that, one day, he will see his himself for what he's worth and will decide he wants better. I pull into the driveway and clear my head. I don't want him to pick up on my stress.

The night is cool so we hurry over to the door. I manage to insert the key on the first try and push the door open. I motion for him to go in first. He walks in and quietly removes his shoes and jacket. I quickly remove my coat and shoes and follow behind him, keeping my distance. He reaches for the light switch on the wall and flips it on. I had set the dimmers before I left, so the room is bathed in a soft golden glow. His eyes widen is surprise. I reach to the side and turn on the small radio and music begins to play.

_**I'm finding my way back to sanity again**_

_**Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I**_

_**get there**_

_**Take a breath and hold on tight**_

_**Spin 'round one more time**_

_**And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace**_

The room, usually bare, was filled with red roses. It took me forever to find enough, but the effect was breathtaking. Roses were placed on every surface of the room, from the mantle to the coffee table to the windowsill. I had changed the usual thick drapes to soft, sheer white curtains that fluttered with the soft breeze from the window. I see his eyes travel to the small table I had set near the window, where a single small, velvet box sat on a bed of white rose petals. I can hear his breath hitch in his chest as he turns his amethyst eyes towards me.

_**Cause I am hanging on every word you say and**_

_**Even if you don't want to speak tonight**_

_**That's alright, alright with me**_

_**Cause I want nothing more than**_

_**To sit outside Heaven's door**_

_**And listen to you breathing**_

_**It's where I wanna be, yeah**_

I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I place my cheek against his and gently guide him to walk forward towards the table. He doesn't resist and after a few agonizingly slow steps, we are standing by the window.

_**I'm looking past the shadows in my mind **_

_**To find the truth and I'm**_

_**Trying to identify the voices in my head**_

_**God, which one's you**_

_**Let me feel one more time what it**_

_**Feels like to feel alive and**_

_**Break these calluses off of me**_

_**One more time**_

Still behind him, I reach forward and pick up the velvet box. I turn him around and look into his wide eyes. I can see traces of apprehension, confusion, a little fear, but most of all...trust.

_**Cause I am hanging on every word you say and**_

_**Even if you don't wanna speak tonight**_

_**That's alright, alright with me**_

_**Cause I want nothing more than**_

_**To site outside your door**_

_**And listen to your breathing**_

_**It's where I wanna be, yeah**_

_**Where I wanna be**_

I take both of his hands in mine and lock my eyes with his. "Shuichi," my voice fails me slightly, causing me to pause. God, this is harder than I thought it would be. I clear my throat, which is suddenly dry. "I want you to know that I love you more and more every day. I can't imagine a life without you. I hope you feel the same way I do." I gently open the palm of his hand and close his fingers around the soft box. "I don't ever want to be apart from you, so..." I open the box in his hand. Inside, on a black cushion, is a white-gold band. The soft light of the room danced on the etches grooves etched into the slim band, causing it to sparkle like a diamond. I can feel his hand tremble slightly within mine, but I continue. "I know we can't be legally married, but a piece of paper means nothing to me. If you agree, it will be as real to me as any ceremony. I want to have you for the rest of my life, if you...want to be with me."

_**I don't want a thing from you**_

_**Bet you're tire of me waiting**_

_**For the scraps to fall off of your table**_

_**To the ground**_

_**I just wanna be here now**_

He looks up at me and I can see the tears in his eyes, making them shimmer like gems. I am unable to breathe, fear clutching at my heart. What if he says no?

I can see a smile creep to his lips, reaching his eyes. "Yes, I want to stay with you, Eiri. It's all I ever wanted. Did you even have to ask?"

I can't describe the feeling I am overwhelmed with. I restrain myself and reach forward, taking the ring from the box. I gently take his left hand in mine and slip the cool metal onto his ring finger. It was then he noticed a similar ring on my finger. "Eiri, you already have a ring on? You seemed nervous that I would say no..."

I chuckled. "Even if you said no, I wouldn't want anyone else. I would still be devoted to you, even if you weren't here."

Tears fell from his eyes and he wrapped his arms around my neck. He felt so small and warm in my arms. How did I get so lucky. I pull away slightly to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

_**Cause I am hanging on every word you say and**_

_**Even if you don't wanna speak tonight**_

_**That's alright, alright with me**_

_**Cause I want nothing more than**_

_**To sit outside Heaven's door**_

_**And listen to you breathing**_

_**It's where I wanna be, yeah**_

"I love you, Eiri."

I run my fingers through his silky hair which is always so soft, no matter how hard he performs. "I love you, too, Shuichi."

_**Where I wanna be**_

_**Where I wanna be, yeah**_

The End

* * *

Lyrics for both songs are by 'LifeHouse'

_A.N. Looking back, this story was a lot shorter than I intended it to be. However, I am happy with the result of my first fic. I want to thank everyone for their encouraging reviews, it really helped me along. I was actually pleasantly surprised that this story went over as well as it did. Anyway, I would like to know how everyone feels about this ending. I plan on starting another story soon and have and idea floating through my head. Let me know if you want to read more from me, and I will keep it coming. Thanks everyone!!  
_


End file.
